I've been kind of a blabber mouth about my marriage to my family, which has given them a bad opinion of my husband. I know that it was wrong, and I'm sure at times, I exaggerated. But the base of all the stories was true. Anyway, my dad hasn't spoken to me in 3 months, and my mom and siblings are decent to him. Last night, my husband told me that we shouldn't go to x-mas at my dad's, and he wants me to fix things with the other family members. I'm so lost! My dad has lukemia, I don't want to miss the last x-mas w/him. And I don't know how to go about fixing what I did! HELP!!
2007-11-06 03:44:13 · 10 answers · asked by Hick Chick 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I KNOW THAT IT WAS WRONG! I don't need a talking to about what I did! I want help in finding a way to resolve this!
2007-11-06 03:59:04 · update #1
You're right, you messed up big time! Never go to your parents about the little details about every fight you have with your hubby. YOU can forgive your husband, but your parents will have a hard time trusting someone they know offended their little girl. Go to a girlfriend instead, or if you're unhappy with your marriage seek counseling.
You need to tell your parents everything you said here. That you exaggerated, that it was not fair of you to do that to your hubby, that you really want to be there for x-mas, etc. Then you may want to fill the hubby in on what you've been saying about him in case they decide to broad side him during one of these visits. You've got yourself a web, girl! Happy unweaving!
2007-11-06 03:49:56 · answer #1 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully you've learned that your family mistakes venting frustration for serious problems. Are you sure their concern for you isn't valid? If you're denying there's a problem with your husband, then you should probably listen to your family.
If you've truly just been exaggerating, you need to explain that to them. Just be open and honest. You never know WHY your dad hasn't talked to you recently - it might not even be the reason you think. I'd start by telling him you've noticed you haven't been talking to each other as much lately and you want to know why. Communication is a 2 way street. Maybe he feels like you're the one not making an effort - who knows.
Either way, talking to him is the only way to fix whatever is broken.
Not going to Christmas at his house isn't an option, your husband was seriously WRONG for suggesting it, given your father's condition.
I'd also choose more wisely who you decide to vent to, so this doesn't become an issue again. Whoever your next punching bag is, if they start making the same sort of comments as your family, take it as a sign that you really DO have a marital problem, and maybe you should rethink things.
2007-11-06 03:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You absolutely can fix this, but it will take some work. The key is to talk to each person in your family who might believe negative things about your marriage. Sincerely, openly tell them that you were a blabbermouth. Tell them that you think you may have given them an incorrect picture of your marriage. Tell them that you didn't do a good enough job telling them about the good things in your marriage. In short, apologize for giving them a one-sided view, explain to them some of the good things about your marriage, and tell them some positive things about your husband. Finally, and this is the important part, ask them, as a huge favor to you, to give your marriage and your husband a second chance.
2007-11-06 03:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you need to do to be with your dad during his last Christmas. You won't regret it in the long run. I'm glad you've learned your lesson about "what happens in the marriage, stays in the marriage". I can't tell if your mom and dad are still married (I don't think so, from your story). But the holidays have lots of room to share them with people that we care about, so do what you need to do in order to spend Christmas with those that you love. Explain to your dad that you exaggerated about your husband, and ask him how you can make things right.
2007-11-06 04:13:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you shouldn't have to choose between your husband & your family.
However, you did bring a certain amount of this on yourself. When you tell bad or negative things about your husband to your family, they're normally gonna react like they have...and either write him off or be cold to him. That's the way it works.
So, now you must atone for your "sins".
Your husband should be big enough to go to your dad's for Xmas, especially since this could be his last. Or, you could do this. You could plan a Christmas at home for the 2 of you, say, on Christmas Eve if your family is planning Christmas Day activities. That way, you can have your time with your hubby, and he can sit the other out. I know...it's not fair, but it may be the logical solution rather than your family to feel ill-at-ease & your husband's discomfort as well.
In the future, if you plan on staying with your husband, warts and all, I'd nix the chatty Kathy action to your family about your hubby's shortcomings. You can always say he's really making efforts to do better, etc., to maybe restore their feelings toward him.
Holiday time is always strained for one reason or another, and more likely than not, there are family members who can't get along right smack-dab in the middle of the problem. You would think they could put differences aside for one or 2 days a year, but that's usually not the case. There's always someone who has to get in the best dig, or make sure they have the last word, etc.
I hope you get your problem resolved. And as for your dad not speaking to you, you might go to him and gently tell him you don't want him thinking badly of you at this time of what's left of his life. If he loves you at all, I think he'll come around at least enough to talk to you, whether he likes your husband or not. Your dad may not like him, but he IS your husband, and you have chosen to be with him. I just hope your dad doesn't take his bitterness toward you to his grave. While I'm very sorry he's so ill, it's kind of a power-play on his part to put you in this position of choosing between your love for him & your love for your man.
God Bless, & good luck.
2007-11-06 04:07:26 · answer #5 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is your family now. But your dad is sick. Talk to your husband. Say that you can fix things with the other family members but the clock is ticking with your dad's situation, and that should be handled first. I'm sure after this long talk your husband will understand; he cares about you right?
2007-11-06 04:20:57 · answer #6 · answered by PYT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES! sounds odd I know but if you want your marriage to work you have to choose him over any and everything in the world! trust me! but the good news is once you have your marriage where you want it you can invite your family back into your life's. (trust me they will forgive you,if you are truely happy) Take care of your dad, of course just talk to your husband and your family... It will all work out if you believe in your faith and marriage. good luck
2007-11-06 03:51:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best to keep things to yourself> If your other doesn't want to spend time with your family than go with out him>
2007-11-06 04:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hORIBLE AS THIS SOUNDS YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DISCUSS YOUR MARRIAGE WOES TO YOUR FAMILY THAT WAS INDECENT AND SELFISH NOT TO MENTION IN-MATURE AND WRONG...IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE MADE A BAD DECISION AND YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILY AND FESS UP TO THE MISTAKES THAT YOU MADE AND THE MESS YOU HAVE CAUSED IN YOUR HOME AND MARRIAGE BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T SIMPLY KEEP YOUR BIG OVER-JUDGEMENTAL MOUTH SHUT....YOU DID THIS YOU FIX THIS...
2007-11-06 03:56:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
blood is thicker then water
2007-11-06 03:49:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋