How can I convince a friend to get her GED?

Question

She's 37, left high school her senior year, got married two months later, got pregnant that month, and has been a homemaker/mother for 18 years. Her kids are now 17 and 14. She has never worked and has no job skills and limited knowledge of a computer. She takes care of one infant in her home every day for 5 hours and doesn't make much. My concern is that if her husband were to die before she can collect his Social Security, she will be screwed and dependent on family. It is not a life I could ever live but she is happy being in the home. I don't see it as secure. Being a SAHM/housewife is fine IF you have the ability to earn a living should you need to. My mother was a 1970's housewife and abused and I made my own way in the world and lived on my own from age 17-31 before I got married because I never wanted to "have" to stay with someone because of money.

I want her to see how important it is that she get out and get a GED and skills BEFORE she needs it. How???

Lois - this hasn't worked!!! We have children born the same year. She lived right next door to me and watched me work FT when my child was 8 mos old, go to college when she was 2 and get a degree when she was 6. Then I went and worked for a huge company, went for a Master's, traveled, bought a new car, moved away, bought a house, survived an illness, started my own online business, met someone and got married. I have been close with her like a sister all these years and she has never expressed an interest in doing ANY of those things and she all she has ever said is "I don't know how you did it."

Answer 1

Hi. I'm a mother of two and dropped out of high school senior year. My husband and I have been together since, but at one point, we separated for a few years. I was working part-time, making about $7/hr. It wasn't working for me. I got myself on my feet by getting my GED and after that, I finally got my associate's in nursing. Her kids are old enough that she can study for her GED, and then think about taking some classes towards anything. She may be comfortable now staying at home, but you're right. She may find herself at a point where she can't be dependent on anyone but herself. Nobody knows what the future holds. My suggestion would be to talk to her and use examples of other people's situations (like mine). If she goes for her GED, that's something that is hers alone. No one can take that from her. It'll give her a sense of accomplishment. And then if she can find the motivation to take some college classes, even better! You're her friend. Find out what will motivate her. She's not too old to go to college. I had grandmothers in my class! I graduated this year and I'm 33 years old. It was hard to go back, but it was worth it. I love helping people, and now I get paid a lot doing it! Even if she takes courses towards a certificate, it still gives that feeling of accomplishment. Find out what she would like to do, and then help her find classes at the local college. If it's possible, take some classes with her!

Let me know how it goes.

Answer 2

If her husband dies, she can collect social security as a death benefit, but it won't be much. Hopefully he is socking plenty of money into a 401K and carries life/disability insurance.

She can make a nice bundle of change babysitting multiple small children for new mothers returning to the work force, and that could be a nice little paycheck. The trick would be to keep the right number of paying customers on hand. She would not be able to charge the higher rates that the daycares charge. To charge the big bucks she would need state certification, which requires an education.

The GED hinges on taking an equivalency test. It shows that you went back and completed something. Most community colleges have required either the high school diploma or the GED to enroll in the past, but it may not these days. The trick is whether they require PROOF.

I know one family... really awful... the daddy was an abusive drunk, and the SAHM never saw the writing on the wall or took steps to assure her independence. He blew his whole retirement roll partying, then came home and slowly died of cancer. When he died she had to work as a waitress at a diner. Their two kids... Andy is in prison as a habitual criminal (violence), and Michelle died back in the early 90s of drugs and getting knifed by one of her johns... they found her body in a field. Such a shame. Had she gotten an education and a real job, she could possibly have kept the kids out of that.

Answer 3

You can best teach by example.
If she is a good fried of yours, she will have a sit-down with you and talk about the subject of her future. You are tapping into very private territory, however. Not all people are willing to address their shortcomings, paint a picture of their inevitable bleak future, and be willing to take giant steps to avoid a crash.

Your friend is on her own path - she cuts it deeper every day - and just because you think you know whats better for her doesnt really give you a lot of rights to enforce it.

Answer 4

You may want her to see how important it is, but only she can decide when she WANTS to see it!!!

Sit her down, just the two of you, and tell her your concern for her.

A good friend will listen to your advise and take it into consideration.

It's a big step for her to take, this late in her life. Be gentle, loving, and patient.

Maybe if you offer to help her study for her GED, she'll be more inclined to do it...knowing that she is not alone!!!

I hope this can be of help to you.

Answer 5

I wished I knew but it is up to her if she wants no future and the only kind of jobs she will be able to get are low pay non skill jobs. As a supervisor of low paying non skilled labor even I look at the education level first.

Answer 6

If she is happy it will probably be difficult. Tell her to do it as a good example for her kids. If she just gets a computer and you show her how to use the net, I am sure she will obtain needed skills. These days computer programs are made to be idiot proof.

Answer 7

it isn't like you are dealing with a kid. She is after all a grown woman and probably doesn't appreciate you pointing out her short comings. Leave her alone. Not everyone has the same drive and outlook in life and you should respect that. The light will go on one day soon, and when she asks for your assisstance you can give her the moral support she needs.

Answer 8

She has to want it first. You can't force anybody to do anything without their consent. Then you can have a plan. Go to the nearest employment office with her to take her pre-tests. Then when the big day comes to take the final exam, take care of her kids while she is away.

Answer 9

Getting a GED is no big deal.I got mine and it hasn't made any difference in my life.I still get sucky jobs.

Answer 10

sometimes you need to let people come tothis decision theirselves. but you can sit her down and tell her your concerns. and as a friend you will have to respect her decision. all you can do is tell her what you have told us.