Help I got married jan of 2007. My husband promised me he'd stop drinking and using he has a history of alcoho

Question

I have my own home in my name my new husband did not have any assets comning into the marraige. I refinanced my house to buy another family car since he would need a car to help pick up kids (from my previous marraige)Within a few months he was using again. 2 months ago he stopped giving me money to help with expenses. I paid for car,registered under his name, and added him to my insurance policy. The agreement was that he would deposit a certain amt of money weekly into my checking to pay all added expenses. I get child support for my children. Well its not easy to have a ready made family overnight he started to use within months of our marraige, the money was less and less until he stopped depositing all together. He was drinking heavily then left just like that up and gone 3 weeks now. Took the car. I did put the title in his name. He is driving around in a car I paid for. My kids and I are devestated he won't talk to me I have tried everything notes on the car.

Answer 1

Let him go.

You are much better off without him. I don't think you realize the hell that you and your kids were in for. This isn't over yet. He's going to come back, and he's going to make all kinds of apologies and promises. If you don't get out now, one year will become five, and five will become 10, and someday you will survey the landscape of your life, and see that it is in ruin.

Get some counseling while you're at it, because there is something wrong with you. A healthy woman would never have been attracted to a man like your husband.

Answer 2

Seems to me you went in to this marriage knowing ahead of time that he had a problem with alcohol. First of all you should have considered everything you own, before you married him, if you have everything in your name, why would you marry someone who has or isn't bringing anything into the marriage. If he is driving around in a car you paid for, and if the insurance is in your name, stop paying the insurance, let it lapse and he will have to surrender the plates or pay the insurance himself. This guy is a loser and was a loser from the beginning, Cancel the insurance on his car, DMV will send a copy of the cancellation (license plates) to the police, if he gets pulled over they will tow the vehicle and you will have to pay for it. Or you can cancel the insurance and when he is sleeping remove the plates from the vehicle. After you have done this, pack all of his clothes, change your locks, and set his clothes outside with a note saying you don't need him anymore.

Answer 3

You knew he is an alcoholic. It is possible before a person marries to have the legal background of someone checked out to see about things like driving under the influence charges, felonies, and other legal problems. Immediately drop him from your insurance explaining to the insurance company that he no longer lives with you and you are filing for divorce.

An alcoholic is a person addicted to alcohol. An addict. You knew you were marrying an alcoholic. Study about the promises addicts make and how often or how little such promises are kept.

It is ok to let him go. You cannot "fix" him. Explain to your children you did not know that this would happen and explain to them that there is only one responsible thing for you to do and that is to let him go and tell them you have learned a vaulable lesson about human nature that you did not know before marrying an addict. They will eventually understand and will see the wisdom of your decision IF you never make such a mistake again.

Answer 4

a*shole!! he new what he was marrying in2, he couldnt hack the ready made family & obviously didnt put a thought 2 you & your kids b4 running off with your car!! you should have been more carefull there, after my last relationship i have now got my house in MY name, & will not have n e 1 move in with me as its my job 2 secure a roof over my 2 kids heads & i have now got bk with my ex but have made him get his own house & car & we live between the 2!!! atleast then i wont loose n e thing if he messes up again! I really feel 4 u, is there nothing you can do about the car??
move on, hes no good 4 u or the kids -your sole priority is the kids so concentrate on them!! good luck

Answer 5

You married a man that you knew was an alcoholic and a drug user? Not a smart move....He made a promise knowing full well that he couldn't make good on because he has an addiction to drugs and alcohol....He can't stop on his own...he needs intervention....If you stay with this man...in the hopes that he will stop on his own...you will be waiting a very long time and you will be classified as an "enabler"....I would suggest that you separate from him....He is not contributing to the family anyways...and he will be forced to see what he stands to lose if he doesn't seek help with his addictions....

EDIT: Just reread that he left with the car....Oh goodness! He took advantage of you...and now he is gone....A hard lesson learned my dear.....Divorce him immediately....

Answer 6

I'm sorry this happened to you and your family. The fact that your husband took the car and left proved that he's not a family man OR ready to be sober. You can't change either one of those facts.
Be glad you children aren't going to have him around to set an example. Children brought up in alcoholic households have a much bigger chance of becoming problem drinkers.

Answer 7

Let me put this very delicately.....YOU MARRIED AN ALCOHOLIC! What did you think was going to happen without professional help? Why is it that women marry men with dependency issues, always thinking that they have the power to change them? As for your marriage, what kind of a mother marries an alcoholic and allows him to be around her children? Did you ever think about what was best for THEM? Or are you so desperate for companionship that you had to marry an alcoholic that is clearly irresponsible? If I were you, I'd be glad that all this cost you was a new car. And not a trip to the ER for you or one of your kids when he got drunk and lost his temper.

Answer 8

My Stepfather works for the Government, He is a genius at computers and history and science.He was over weight so he decided to get the Gastricbypas Surgury done. So when he couldnt eat anymore, he replaced his emotional eating with emotional Drinking. He became an alcoholic which seemed to happen over night. Our family was torn to pieces. Hes done everything from totalling my car, My moms car, losing his kid, Went to Jail for assault, drinking on school property, drunk in public, and 3 DUIs! He went to jail for a total of a month and a half.We had a breathalizer in the car we had to blow in.(So embaressing)
But he had to go toDrug Core, and all these different driving classes and alcohol abuse meetings.So this racked up LOTs of $$$$.So he got depressed cause he couldnt afford all his bills.And the more depressed the more he drank.He has been in the hospital quite a few times for sucide attempts and mental breakdowns all because he rather drink then deal with his problems.So his problems kept getting worse. Mom stoped picking him up from the bar and I started cause I felt bad. And I prayed hed hit Rock Botttom and wake up. Its been 6 years and the only thing that has changed is that my mom left him. He has no liceanse, His car repoed, hes being evicted, hes still tryin to get my mom back, he doesnt know where his ex took his son. He sits at home in the dark with no electric cause he drinks all his money away and he has told he may have pancrotic cancer and wont go back to the doctors to find out for sure.He go the surgury for no reason cause hes still fat from drinking. He sits at home alone with no friends and no family and Late at night he calls me drunk to ask me if I think he still has a chance with my mom and cries about how hes soo alone. I sit there in tears feeling sorry for him, But even through all this, he hasnt changed, He is still drinking more then ever.
My point is, Any kind of abusers are selfish. They ease the pain away and pass it on to you. They need to get help and they need to do it alone. You wont be able to save him or your marriage until he is sober.Your wasting your time. If he wants to be with you he needs to prove it. and not for a week or a month For a whole Year and he needs to keep it that way. Its a life style change for you and your children and trust me things you thought he would NEVER DO he will. You think it wont get "that bad" It will.. You cant sit back and watch someone you love waste away and make a fool outta themselves and you and watch how the expression on their face changes and their demeanor change. They will transform infront of you over night and after a while you wont even know who that person is. Do you and your children a favor and get out now..... If he wants you he will have to prove it but not with you around, he has to do it alone. It will hurt you more than him, trust me. ,But if you love him and your children..its what needs to be done.. Good Luck to you.

Answer 9

File for divorce immediately. NEVER put a car in someone else's name only. And you paid for it? Sucker. Get rid of this idiot and move on asap. Don't date or marry men who have a history of drug & alcohol use.

Answer 10

Call Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them to direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. It is free and it is the best help for you in the world right now.