Help, i have insecure issue in my marriage, how can I over come them, without telling my husband.?

Question

Before I had my son I weight 138 pounds, after having him and it's been 2 years I weight 160pounds. Every since I had my son I have been insecure about myself I think it the weight. My husband say I look good but I don't believe him. I started a diet yesterday go to try and lose 25 pounds by New Year's. Anyway, i have got to the point where I don't want to go to work b/c of my weight and afraid my husband will cheat on me one day if i don't get my size back. I am a very beautiful, attractive 5'5, 27 years old young lady but I don't know how to control my insecure issues that I never used to have. Please help serious mature answers only. Married 3 years.

Answer 1

If you feel losing weight will help you feel better go for it - but I suspect it has a deeper root - sweetie you need to look in the mirror every single morning and tell yourself that you are awesome! Men don't cheat because their wife is heavy...they cheat because they do not respect their wife. So respect yourself and everyone else will too!! Good luck!

Answer 2

Being insecure about your image doesnt always have to be about how much you weight, most women after having a baby spend all their money on the baby (and i know often money is tight during this time) but try treating yourself to some clothes that fit your shape and size and make you feel good about yourself. If possible, spend some time on your own doing something that will give you a more positive attitude. try going to the gym or to an exercise class 2 or 3 times a week if you can, rather than just relying on your diet alone, the weight will soon drop off and you'l feel so much more positive about yourself for actually going and seeing you can do new things, you might even make some new friends! its also unlikely your husband would cheat on you just because of your weight, you dont mention your marriage is unhappy and you'v just had a child together, by this stage in your relationship it will no longer be about looks but more how you work together and how you feel about each other. dont focus on the things that might happen, focus on getting your positivity back!

Answer 3

i'm 20, female, 5'5 and 158-163 pounds. I dont kno what ur body build is but i kno i look damn good in my body. No doubt its not perfect, n not what it used to be 2 years ago (132), but i still get the same if not more attention from men, and even though my family and friends are shocked about my weight gain, i dont think i've ever been happier in my skin. I guess whats getting me through this is the fact that men still love my body, and i've always loved my body. If your husbands telling you, you still look good then whats the problem, just believe him, its not just coming out of no where. Also keep in mind this phrase Oprah once said "Men don't stray because of sex (i.e better body etc) but because of how the other woman makes him feel. Make your man feel wanted, dont deny him sex or affection because you feel insecure. Make him feel like a man and loved and he will never leave you.
Lastly i have no problem with you wanting to lose weight. According to your height you should be between 135-143 pounds, so i you wanna lose weight to be in the healthy zone then go for it, just do it for the right reasons.

Answer 4

I've been there...I used to always suspect my husband of cheating and my reason I gave him was "because I'm a cow".He would of course say he loved me and he thought I was gorgeous.Truth be told I wasn't even overweight...I just wasn't the size that I was used to being or that peole were used to seeing.You probably look better than you did.Change is hard to accept sometimes so we turn it into a negative so we can then justify getting rid of it because we are scared.If you really feel like you need to lose a little weight then go for it...but be upbeat about it,don't do it as a means to an end.Your husband loves you or he wouldn't say it,he wouldn't stay by you.He is there to support you-let him.When you do then you will be able to let go of all your insecurities and you will enjoy working out and being happy.

Answer 5

Everyone needs to lose weight. Don't get upset over it.
I was 163 lbs, and started walking and limiting what I ate.
I'm now 133, and have been for 5 years.
You must walk 1 hour a day----don't use your car! This is the major factor keeping people fat. Walk everywhere you possibly can, instead of driving. It's also a great way to get a surge of endorphins into your system, to start feeling positive about yourself, and make dieting easier.
NEVER eat the foods you feed your family---they are just too fattening. Keep your own foods separate (vegetables, salads, meats) and don't touch any carbohydrates, esp. diet drinks (all carbs!).


But you must walk---that's the key.
Get athletic socks, comfortable athletic walking shoes, long comfortable pants, stretch pants, whatever, and live in them.
Be ready to walk every single day.

Answer 6

What you need to tell yourself is that you are a special woman to yourself and to your husband. He chose and married you, didn't he? You need to encourage yourself with this thought. Now the reason you should want to loose the weight is because you will feel better health wise. Do not go into crash diets otherwise you will gain the lost pounds and some more and you will be worse off. You should lose it gradual one pound per 2 to 3 weeks to let your body adjust slowly to the loss. I would recommend that you rest more frequently like taking naps and walk one to two miles a day. If you are willing to follow these you will feel much better with lots of energy and be healthier.

Answer 7

I hear you, what I had my wife do after she gained 50 lbs from the second kid... well, she lost about 20lbs giving birth, then the last 30lbs, she lost doing Jenny Craig diet...

It's not that cheap but if you have money, it costs about $99 to sign up and about $100 a week for food. The food you get is in small plates and very tasty, i've tried it and it's awsome..

I've noticed that the trick is you can eat anything you want,... anything! but the trick is you can only have a small portion. I would say about the size a small ceral bowl.

So if you don't have money for jenny, find a small bowl, and cook what ever you want, but eat only what fits in the bowl. do that for lunch and dinner, and have a small bfast....

After say 3 months, you will notice a huge difference... Yes my wife looks hot again, I was real worried , cause looks matter to me.... so do that and sign up for a gym, or do some sort of exersise ontop of that... good luck

Answer 8

Women have a tendency to fear the worst when they don't feel as sexy, strong, or young as they use to. Think of it this way. Would you have married a man shallow enough to leave you for gaining weight after having his child?....Would you of had a child with someone who sees you as never maturing...aging...or sadly gaining weight?

Just because you feel insecure doesn't mean that everything you feel you hate about yourself is really there. Your husband may love the fact that you gave birth to his kids....and that the glow you have from being a mother is intoxicating. If he says you are good looking...believe it. All you will do is stress out and cause him to think you are out of control with your weight issue. Men hate women who obsese about their looks.

So remember not to lose control of who you are. You can lose weight if you want to...but your husband will love you no matter what.

Answer 9

I understand how you're feeling. With my second child I put on quite a bit of weight, and my self esteem suffered as well. The good news is that you've recognized what is making you feel insecure and you're taking action. You should feel good about yourself regardless of what your body type is, and stop beating yourself up. I'm sure that your husband is attracted to you, and the world is more worried about how you treat people and carry yourself than they are about that extra pesky thirty pounds. If you are using words like "beautiful, and attractive" to describe yourself, perhaps you're not as insecure as you believe yourself to be? If the issue is truly your weight, and not a reflection of your marriage being on the rocks, I would tell you to do something about it....and you ARE, so give yourself some credit girl! Chin up! Be kind to yourself!

Answer 10

Serious mature answers only???? Girl you're not sounding very mature. You say, quote: "i am a very beautiful, attractive 27 year old" What do you consider beautiful, is it your face? Then i think you should reconsider your standards of beauty.

Gaining a few pounds is not a reason to place un-necessary doubt in your husband. Be confident in yourself and loose a few pounds if you want but don't go obsessing about it. Have a little more self-esteem, enjoy your husband, enjoy your son and enjoy your life. Thank God every day for your blessing.

Answer 11

The part of your question that concerns me most is that you specify "without telling my husband." While it doesn't sound like your weight is causing problems in your marriage, your lack of open and honest communication just might.

Also, a weight loss goal of 25 pounds by New Year's is neither healthy nor reasonable. Healthy weight loss shouldn't exceed more than two pounds in one week. Drastically dropping weight in such a short period is not good for your body.

Go to your doctor and discuss your weight loss goals with him/her. Your doctor should be able to help you with a weight loss plan that is practical, attainable, and most importantly, HEALTHY. This may involve joining a gym and/or visiting a nutritionist. But DON'T pull a random weight goal out of thin air and then expect to attain it in a very short period.

I'd also suggest some marital counseling for you and your husband to address your insecurities and communication issues. It also sounds like you might have depression (avoidance of daily activities like work and irrational fear or worry can both be signs of depression.) When you visit your doctor, ask him or her to refer you to a good psychiatrist.