I am in an abusive relationship. We can't seem to have an argument without him hitting me, then I go crazy and hit back, and then all hell breaks loose. But the rest of the time, we are fine. I actually love him, and I believe that he loves me, altho we both agree its getting more difficult. How would you work this mess out?
2007-11-06 01:34:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a Dysfunctional relationship, "Get Functional".
2007-11-06 01:56:16 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling, although, word of warning..do your homework on who you go to. Some counselors dont help at all, send you home and the fights get worse.
Also, the fights might get worse any way because you two are being forced to face your problems. Explain and ask your counselor how to deal with the problems, or how can you prepare for the fights after the counseling meeting. (the fights can get worse, i know this personally).
Individual counseling would be great too. Maybe try that first.
Communication is what i see the problem being.
Please try to agree upon something before someone really gets hurt.
I do believe you two love each other but you are so close to that line, you know what i mean? Its like after a while, you are at a high chance of losing that love because of all the hurt.
2007-11-06 09:45:14 · answer #2 · answered by noones 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out before he hurts you. Go to a shelter or go stay with someone who you trust (and don't tell him where).
Agree to see him only in public places or with someone to protect you...if he truly loves you, he will go and get some help. You may be able to find counseling through a local women's shelter or else a private therapist.
It will not go away or get better on its own.
P.S. Is he also drinking or taking drugs? (Even prescription?)
If you love him, you will try to get him some help. Your story is the same as every other battered woman---"but when he is not hitting me I KNOW he loves me".
Do not stay with him or go back to him unless/until he has gotten some help and a professional determines that he is responding to therapy/treatment. You are being a classic co-dependent and enabling the behavior. You may need to do some personal therapy to see what in your past is setting you up to take (and even want) this abuse instead of a healthy relationship.
Take care of yourself first--get safe and get help!
2007-11-06 09:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a person who has been involved in an abusive relationship....there IS no way to work it out. Once he hits you ONE TIME, the flood gates are open, and he WILL do it again.
Love has nothing to do with it. Anytime you and your spouse can't solve a problem without resorting to knocking the sh*t out of each other, someone needs to leave.
2007-11-06 12:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. GTO 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people find that kind of stuff 'exciting'. You both need serious help. Do you realize how often women go missing??? Wake up girl. And discover what love really represents. Love is not supposed to be abusive.
2007-11-06 10:00:02 · answer #5 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two really need professional help. See Relate asap and sort out your anger issues. Sounds like some deep counselling needed here
2007-11-06 09:59:26 · answer #6 · answered by James S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abuse only gets worse, not better. For your own safety, get out now. I'm hoping that the two of you don't have children. A spouse abuser is also more likely to be a child-abuser. Please don't put yourself and your future/current children in this situation.
2007-11-06 09:43:04 · answer #7 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At this point someone is either going to jail or someone is going to end up dead. That is NOT love. Love IS NOT suppose to hurt. You two need to get away from each other, and REAL SOON.
2007-11-06 09:39:57 · answer #8 · answered by cooter726 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need some professional counseling. Love does not equal hitting.
2007-11-06 09:39:13 · answer #9 · answered by LC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to a counselor, maybe one that can deal with anger management, if you both want to change, it can be done… but if you want to change in word only. You need to get out before you are to hurt to get out.
If he doesn’t want to change and just says he wants to to keep you there… this situation will not stop and only get worst.
2007-11-06 09:59:28 · answer #10 · answered by kib_edward 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋