Is it savable at this point?

Question

So I've been in a realtionship for a year and some months. I moved across state to be with him, I really love him it wasn't hard. We've had our ups and downs ( everyone does ). He can be cold and I can be overly emotion at times. The job market here has been rough, so I've been going to school full time. He told me last night that he is too stressed out worring about me; such as: Health care, No job, No friends. That this was alot of pressure for him. I responed with pure emotion and told him fine I'll go home, of course this lead us to fight and lead to a break-up. After alot of tears and phone calls, we calmed down, and talked about it being a break, not a break up. The bad part about being here with him is I have no faimly I have to fly across country for us to seperate.I want to stay, and be with him. But he is depressed and dealing with the loss of his mother, things spun out of controll so fast. He won't get help. He is already looking for plane tickets. Are we savable? Help plz

Answer 1

It sounds like he is overwhelmed with grief and the sense of being responsible for someone else's well is just too much for him to handle right now when he's struggling to keep himself together. Especially if, as you say, you tend to deal with things emotionally.

I think there's hope for you as a couple----his reasons for the break will mend in time---but he does need some space and to get some professional help or at the very least, find a grief support group to go to. It's too bad your family lives so far away. That complicates taking a break. Is there anyway you offer to drop a class or two, get a part time job and bargain to stay where you are to help take some pressure off? I wish you both luck. It's a hard situation to be in.

Answer 2

I did the same exact thing, moved cross country, had ups and downs, i havent worked for 8 months and dont go to school. Ive been doing ebay to help around and cook/clean etc so it sounds like were in the same boat.
My husband is also super stressed. Hes said horrible things, like if i planned it this way and im using him? These things only came up during fights, so i guess hes felt this way the whole time.
Personally, i think, if thats the only thing wrong with you guys, its fixable. Just because you dont have a job or friends, those things take time. I wish they would understand that it isnt easy being somewhere else and different than what youre used to. You should explain that you suggested the break up because you felt rejected and that you didnt mean it. I suggest you talk with him and set goals for each other, plan your guys life together. Tell him youre not leaving or giving up.
I know its hard, its like you fell into something you didnt plan on happening. I felt many times like, why didnt he understand. I wouldnt do that to him, if he didnt have a job, i would support him but i guess we are different.
Youre right though, he feels pressure, try telling him you two can work it out and that you want to help him (with his depression and mother etc).
email me if you want: [e-mail]

Answer 3

if he is willing to throw away over a year of a relationship then he must have been having doubts long before now.
or he could just be going through a lot.
stick by his side let him know you love him and you will be there for him whatever he may decide.
dont let the one you love go.
too many people would hop on a plane and run from true love and lose the love of their lives.
dont be one of those people.
fight hard and believe that your love will get yall through it.
i really hope it works out.
somtimes all you need is a little encouragement and a reminder as to why you fell in love with him in the first place.
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

This is obviously a very emotional time for him, if he's recently bereved, but he dosen't want you (or anyone) to see that side of him. Pride hurts sometimes.
I understand why you want to be there, but may be what would do him good right now is to just be left on his own for a couple of weeks & given some head space, then try phoneing him, re-building the friendship & relationship long distance, you've done it once, it'd be all the easier 2nd time around.

Answer 5

If you go get a job; so the man doesn't have to take care of a grown, able-bodied woman, the relationship might be saved. The only help he needs is from you working and paying your own way. Otherwise, he's better off without you and he should put your butt on the next plane out of town!

Answer 6

It sounds like he is still upset about his mother's death. If you only had to move across state then, why do you now have to move across the country? Is there any roommate finders through your school. Do give him some space and show him that you can be independent, but if you move far away it will be hard to reconcile.

Answer 7

You need this break to see if you are savable. He is going through a lot right now and I think it would be best if you go home for a while and regroup.

Answer 8

You need to talk to him, if you don't wanna leave then you need to tell him. Say I know I said I would leave but I don't want to. You need to communicate with him.