How can I resolve this situation?

Question

I know I should tell my husband to get lost when he comes back from 2 weeks away visiting his mother and sister who live abroad. He constantly lies to me and has no respect for me. After I caught him cheating, I was very civilised about it and didn't throw him out like he deserved. He says he doesn't like the commitment of marriage and is a free spirit whatever that means. He lives at home but has an apartment near his work which he bought 2 years ago which he initially moved into when I found out about his affair. he says he can't sell it yet because he is locked into a 2 year mortgage deal, which is true, but then on other days he says he has no intention of selling it. Now he is saying that he wants to stay there at least one day per week as he has to travel to work (25 Km) which I don't think is too far away.
The truth is that at 55 I am terrified of being on my own. Our daughter leaves for Uni next year and then what? At 42 he is younger than me so he has lots of choices

Answer 1

I would say if I was you, and well we both know I'm not, I would get rid of him. I would guess that the reason you stay with him is the same reason you don't want to leave him. You are 55 and feel like your at a disadvantage at this point in the game. Well every year your disadvantage is pry greater in your mind which makes it harder to have a resolve to succeed.

Based on the things you say about him he sounds like a loser that is taking advantage of a good natured person who is pretty much a door mat anymore to him. Shed him and find yourself a nice guy who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated!

Nothing is final until you are dead and even then I'm sure god negotiates! LOL!

Answer 2

You need to get rid of this guy! He doesn't respect you at all..or women in general I imagine. Surely you don't want your daughter to see you being walked over..stand up to this creep and move on with your life.

Also, you are not old by any means..55 is nothing these days. Of course it will be a bit daunting to start over but look at it as an exciting adventure. Most recreation centres/gyms hold swim classes or other activities for the over 50's. Sign up for one of those and make some new friends. Book yourself onto an over 50 coach trip. Do something just for you. Don't be afraid to start over and DON't be afraid to get rid of a guy who doesn't seem to love you at all.

P.S. He had the affair so be sure to take him for everything he's worth when you get to court.

Answer 3

He is either on his way out or he does what he wants without taking you into account. The marriage is on a path of self destruction. Have you tried marriage counseling?
My advice, start thinking about an exit strategy. Leave this man! Remember, life is not a rehearsal. There is a better life out there for you. I know, you think you will be all alone once you leave, but there are lots good men your age out there. Better people then your current spouse. Only thing you have to be concerned about is the ability to support yourself. So, plan now...

Answer 4

i understand your not wanting to be alone after such a long time. but, people change, and sounds to me thta that free spirt wants to be free to do as he pleases. it hard to face the fact that after youve been with someone so long...that they seem to lose intrest in you. i'm going thru the same thing if not worst. i thougt i married the right man but soon i found that he was not that at all.My feelings are very hurt and I am embarrased that my marriage isn't working. we women act on emotion to much. we change but they dont. we tend the house and the kids and they give a hoot. when people get to the point where they just disregard your feelingsand what you've sacrificed...it's time to let go and start loving yourself more. I know its easier said then done, parents also suffer seperation anxiety from their children too. and thats what i think the both of us is going thru...seperation anxiety from the things that we already are familiar with. we have to be positive and look on the bright side. It's not too late for you my dear, theres always somebody for evreybody. and then again, theres nothing wrong with being a free spirit yourself. i'm sure its in you. the way you were before you met him. I pray for myself and all the other good women who has put themselves on the back burner to nurture other people. it's just too bad that noone stops to think that we need to be nurtured to.

Answer 5

Being alone is a whole lot better than catching AIDS from someone who can't keep his **** in his pants. Take comfort in the fact that you won't be the first woman at your age to "start over". My dear friend divorced at 40 and when people ask her if she's married, she says "no, I'm happily divorced." It's not a feeling that will happen over night - but it will happen. I'm sorry sweetie, but you should move on. Remember... being alone is not the same as being lonely.

Answer 6

You will be alone if you tell yourself as much. Do what's best for you and your dignity. Personally I think the stop over at the apartment is a ruse and he might have another agenda.
It's time to scrape up your self respect, give him an ultimatum and get ready to put your glad-rags on again to get out and meet more caring people.

Answer 7

Listen, my mother found love again over fifty. She was very beautiful, and did take care of herself though! If you are that terrified, make sure you have three suitors "in the wings" first, just waiting for you to call your divorce lawyer. This is for confidence that you still have it. Then, just leave!!

Answer 8

You are not so old that you can't enjoy your life with a decent man. This jerk you are married to will either end up with some disease or will end up a lonely old man. No decent woman is going to want his sorry ***. Leave him and go have fun...

Answer 9

This man does not love you; so stop holding on to nothing. Once your daugher is gone, you can begin to enjoy your life. Surely you knew that you would eventually lose a man who is 13 years younger than you. Surely, you knew that. Let him go and get on with your life. The marriage has run its course!

Answer 10

how do you feel in your heart about the situation. God don't like divorces, but if your not happy and know that he has cheated, then its really up to you because that adultery.that grounds for divorce. but its totally up to you whether you stay and work it out. HAPPINESS> LONELINESS you decide.