when we were already dating,i was still married,and we talk about it many times,that as soon i had my divorce in hands,we were going to get the marriage license and everything we need to get married,thing is now that we have the date and everything,he is giving me many excuses like:"why are you rushing things so much,we havent even save good money for the rings,what im going to wear,and many others"thing is, if he dosen't wanna get married,why not telling me then?
help please,dont know what to do,since i wanna married him,but i don't wanna be married with a person that dosen't want to be with me.
2007-11-06 00:19:19 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know, my BF is pretty much the same way, only he was the one who was married when we were dating. His divorce became final in April of this year and he still talks about marriage with me, but he doesn't want to rush into another one too soon. If I were you, I would wait six months to a year so you have time to adjust to being single before getting married again.
2007-11-06 00:39:06 · answer #1 · answered by phatchick182004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him darling!!!
may be @ the time he was all excited cos you were still in the "Honeymoon" period of your relationship & now it's moved on he's taking the mature approach & wants to slow down a bit & save, plan, not just walk into a reg office next week with 2 people off the street & sign it while in jeans 7 t-top.
You've done this before, & tbh, I'm surprised you want to rush into the next 1 as soon as the last 1's finalised, & may be that's one of the factors in his brakes on apporach. Maybe he realises that for you the vows actually mean v little & you might as well just live together or whatever. You may find that to him these vows mean exactly what they say, better or worse, not bail @ the 1st sign of a better offer (which is how it comes across from your q).
Just take your time over this one. he's not saying he dosen't want to marry you, he just says what's the rush? & tbh it's a q you need to be asking yourself.
2007-11-06 00:28:02 · answer #2 · answered by Bubbly Blonde 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all actuality why would you be so eagar to jump out of one marriage right into another. Wouldn't you want to make sure that is what you really want to do before making the same mistake twice? I'm just saying to wait a few months or a year and think about it before jumping the gun.
As for your boyfriend not wanting to get married...guys always want what they can't have. With you being married it was like a fantasy for him. He's sneak'n around with someone elses wife. LOL!! Knowing that your divorce is final his fantasy is over. Now it comes down to reality and maybe he's not ready for that yet.
2007-11-06 00:29:58 · answer #3 · answered by sweetie52379 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why not just slow down? Give it time. See how well you get along without the vows and he'll either want to marry you or not. There is nothing wrong with not being married for a little while. I'm not saying to wait the rest of your life. But most people don't think it is unreasonable to wait for a year or two before getting married.
2007-11-06 00:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by webjen26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are rushing things a bit, if you aren't long out of your previous marriage. What's the rush? Try being independent for a while and getting to know yourself again as an individual (instead of a wife).
If this guy needs time to rethink things then let him have it...perhaps he's had a change of heart or perhaps he's just thinking that he's a rebound guy and is afraid things won't workout if you two move too quickly.
2007-11-06 00:22:38 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was single, I refused to date a married man. To me that proved that he was immature, ignorant, disrespectful, untrustworthy, dishonest and obviously afraid of the big commitment. I wanted to be a girlfriend, somebody's top priority. Not something that was somebody's afternoon delight or something to do after he dropped his kids off at soccor practice or piano. For my husband and me, there are two Unforgivable Marital Sins: Adultery and abuse, physical or verbal. (Sure, we have our jovial comments, but nothing has been serious.) They may have been forgivable before our daughter was born (with some good counseling from a pastor friend), but not so much now.
For the best answer to your question, "If he doesn't wanna get married, why not telling me then?" ask your supposed fiance'.
2007-11-06 00:34:09 · answer #6 · answered by Vegan_Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he wants to slow down and wait on the marriage plans for now. Either respect that or move on. Guilt tripping him into marrying you is no way to start a marriage.If you just recently have gotten divorced, give yourself some more time. What is the big hurry?
2007-11-06 00:25:01 · answer #7 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's having second thoughts about a commitment. If he's giving you many excuses, it means he probably doesn't want to get married. Tell him that you both need time to think about things, and maybe it will work out, but I have my doubts.
2007-11-06 00:29:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi... you are rushing from one long term relationship right into another, and haven't given yourself time to grieve your losses or readjust to life. You are rebounding. Maybe your boyfriend sees this?
You really need TIME... you just got divorced. Even if it wasn't a good marriage, it doesn't matter, you still need time.
Take your time and get to know this guy WELL before you dive into marriage... step back and take a good, hard look... discuss your future, goals and ambitions...
don't get married just to be married...
2007-11-06 00:23:44 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
since you have just been married, give yourself a little time. still stay with this guy if you want, but say to your self, well, my priority is to look after ME for a few months, then in 6 mths you will feel stronger and able to address this problem. right now you are likely to be needy and confused and is this really the frame of mind you want to approach your new partnership? give yourself time girl and be kind to your self. xx
2007-11-06 00:24:02 · answer #10 · answered by Georgie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋