How can I make it being a single mother?

Question

My husband died about 3 months ago and I so miss him. He didn't have life insurance and so there's no money, it's just me. He was murdered so that's still an ongoing thing in finding out who and why. How do I do it ?....I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest....i'm so depressed but i try to be strong for them. People have said that I should go on a trip with my kids....they really want to go to Disney ...but I don't know we'll see (i don't want to do it, but i would for them).....some of my kids are still to young to understand that he's gone. I guess my question is how do I go on as a single mother? I know women do it all the time but I just don't know how to move on....is this trip a good idea...please

They are all his children ...

Thank you to everyone who has answered, I really appreciate it!

Excuse me!! The Disney trip was the kids idea from way back before my husband died. We all suppose to go .....How dare you!! you insensitive jerk!!!!

and by the way I have a JOB

Answer 1

There are options.... someone wrote about SSI for you and the kids. In California there's a division of the state that handles victims of violent crimes. What they do is if you were injured in a crime, they pay for anything that your insurance won't cover. Not sure how that would work in this case, but that might be worth investigating.

I would suggest that you need to seek out counseling, if you haven't done so already. I am sorry for your loss.... maybe having a grief counslor might help you get things prioritized as you make your way along.

And finally, a trip sounds like a good idea. At the very least it'll get you away from things, if only for a short time. Give you some time to bond with your kids. They are suffering too.... now is the time for you all to pull together, not come apart.

Good luck to you and God bless you.

Answer 2

I don't think the trip is a good idea, no -- especially if you are strapped for cash.

I'm very sorry for your loss, and i'm sure you are devistated. If you are depressed and having a hard time, go see your doctor first thing... you might need some anti depressants temporarily to help you get through this -- it's not uncommon, and i haveTWO very good friends who had to go to a doctor after they lost their husbands -- it's OK and you'd be doing something positive for you and the kids by getting help for yourself.

You can also check to see if there is a grief support group in your community, if you think that might be helpful. Perhaps call the local mental health clinic or hospital for information.

I have listed a couple of websites about grieving. Perhaps these might help in some small way?

You didn't mention your childrens' ages, but if some are old enough, spending family time doing things together (picnic at the park, zoo or something which is reasonably cheap), making christmas ornaments, or just playing catch the ball outside, might be a good diversion.

I am terribly sorry for what you have been through, and i hope you get some good answers here, hon. hugs

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss. You make it one day at a time and if that's ever too long, you make it a half day at a time, or an hour at a time. You break down the time in as small an increment of time as you need to in order to get through.

Take a trip if you're up to it but don't if you're not. Do you have a friend that could go with you? That way, maybe you could find a little alone time to relax and enjoy the sun yourself. You need to remember that while your children are important and taking care of them is important, you have to take care of yourself too. That might seem a little selfish, but you are all your children have. Staying healthy and as happy as you can under the circumstances is the only way you can be there to take care of them.

Are you seeing a counselor? Or, do you have one or two close friends that you can talk to?

If you believe in God, they say God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. Sometimes that seems hard to believe but it's amazing what some people are able to handle.

One day at a time....it gets us through so many things. Take care....

Answer 4

Going to Disney is fun but that has nothing to do with being a good parent....single or otherwise.

You should enlist the help of a close male relative to not be a father to your children be to be a good male role model.

All children need that.

Then since it's just you ...you have to be a good disciplinarian along with being a good mother.

You will never really have time off but it would also be a good idea to find someone you trust so that every few months you get a little time away from your children to refuel. That will help you do this gigantic job ahead of you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

i know exactly how you feel. My husband died in 97 from cancer and we were seperated at the time. We had 2 girls ages 4&5 at the time of his death. He didnt have life insurance either and the medical bills were sky high..I too worked and let me say..it took me 2 yrs to get over his death. He was my business partner and soul mate and children of the girls who we tried for 10 yrs to get pregnant. It is the hardest thing you will ever do.First off let me say this: He is in a better place and hold onto that,because that is all i could do to keep my sanity...was knowin he wasnt in pain anymore. Hopefully your husband passed very quick...but still he feels no more pain and is always gonna be watchin over you and the kids. Get into a counselor or bereavement counseling for you and the kids NOW...I struggle with the depression and lonliness everyday wonderin why God let this happen and all I know is that he had more important things he needed my husband to do and left me here to raise the girls, confident that I could handle it

Answer 6

Don't listen to that idiot! I think the trip could do and your kids good to get away from it all. Having to deal with a murder can be very painful and it's only been 3 months.... that wasn't long ago. Do what you think is best for yourself and your kids. A single mother....you can do it.... be strong and if you believe in God ...remember he will never leave nor forsake you ....your not alone and he will make a way. God Bless you and sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

Was he the Father of the children?If he was you can draw Social Security for the children.It isn't a lot but it will help with the money problems and it also includes insurance for the kids.Call your local S.S. office and talk to them,you will need a copy of the death certificate and the kids birth certificates.Depending on there ages you might be able to draw a check as well.It's barely enough to put food on the table and it won't help you with being lonely from your loss but it will put some money in the house.I'm sorry this happened to you.Don't let them lie to you either because you are entitled to the monthly check if they are his children until they turn 18.Good luck.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear this, I somewhat understand but in my case I'm going through a divorce after 31 years, the highs and lows are over whelming. What I did is find a support group a good one with people who had gone through the same thing, mine was a program of 14 weeks it walked you through the first steps of this nightmare to the end where you can stand on your own two feet. Call some church's in your area and see if they offer something to help you. You need a support group to help you get through this and I wish you the best.

Answer 9

oh my heart goes out to you. (and the kids) i think the Disney trip would be great for all of you. just keep your head up and keep digging. some people can be so rude on here and make you feel like shi*. but you know girl you have to keep on going for those children. they are your life and you can do it for them. being a single mom i am sure is going to be tough and it may seem like your not going to make it but god will make a way!!! hang in there and please take care of those angels!!!

Answer 10

maybe its a good idea to make the trip, after all the greif they experenced so far , a trip might help them to go on. Im sure their dad would have approved it. sometimes life is cruel but it is too short and we must try to make the best of it.. the idea is to be strong physically and mentally,,,and by all means do not let it go weak,,,maybe you will meet someone again,,,make sure its true love and a good man