Did you instantly bond?

Question

I keep hearing the expression, to bond with your baby, some mothers seem to know they've got that bond & others don't.
How did you feel when your baby was born in that respect?

Personally I was in awe when i first had my baby at how cute & adorable she was, but I felt she could have been given birth to by anybody.Maybe cos i had a c-section.She's 1 yrs now & I can't describe how much i love & want to protect her but when i look at her i still can't see that she came from inside me.

Tell me your experience....

Wow, I was expecting to be the odd one out & to seem cold saying I felt no bond, but from hearing your stories its quite common.You always hear about how wonderful it is to have a baby, which it is, but it brings some kind of comfort to know your not alone in feeling other sides to it all.
You all sound so strong & like great mums xx

Answer 1

I too had a c-sec after a 24 hour induced labour. I didn't bond in pregnancy and didn't after she was born. I really beat myself up over it, thinking i was a bad mum. she just seemed like a strangers baby. Now she is 6 months old and its beginning to happen. Somethime sI still don't feel totally bonded but Ive stopped putting pressure on myself and am allowing myself to enjoy her. The love is there, I can feel it but i certianly didn't "melt"

Answer 2

I think I was in shock for the first few days of my daughters life, there was no instant bond, I felt like I loved her and wanted to protect her. I cared for her as well as if not better than the other mums on the ward but the bond came afterwards. When my second child was born the bond was instant the minute he was put in my arms. I think I knew what to expect the 2nd time. I love both my children equally and so much I can't even describe it. they are 10 and 9 now.

Answer 3

Cats don't "instantly" bond with people. On the contrary they are naturally reserved and they are the ones that decide who they will bond with, if anyone. It takes time, too. Cats are not fully domesticated and will remain wild at heart. This is borne out by the fact that a litter of kittens born on the street are feral, while pups are much more likely to bond with humans. You can encourage bonding by treating a cat with respect and gentleness, offering food and keeping your distance for the first while, gradually and Slowly decreasing that distance as they gain confidence that you're not up to anything.

Answer 4

I had my son 3 yrs ago by c-section and i felt the exact same way, i was so out of it that it could have been anybodies baby i was looking at and i do feel regretful about that.. I feel maybe if i had a natural birth that i would have bonded better in the first few hours and i still feel guilty about it..
Even when i brought him home i didn't exactly know what to do with him but i suppose that's the same for all 1st time mums but like you one day i felt this unbelievable surge of love and protectiveness over him and i still have it.. I can't believe that something so perfect is part of me.. I suppose I'm biased but i feel so grateful that i have such a happy, contented child and i like to think i had a little part to play in it:)

Answer 5

I don't think every woman feels this immediate bond - I know I didn't.

Don't get me wrong my lil girl is almost 7 now and she is the most important thing in the world to me - bar none. But when she was plopped onto my chest after I had given birth I just thought ' oh is that it??' She was beautiful and of course I love her, but I did not feel a ray of light or angels singing!!!

The bond grew as time went by, I loved her and cared for her but I don't think I really appreciated just how much I adored her until later - at about 1-2 months old my bond had developed I would say.

Don't let people fool you into thinking that you are lacking if you don't feel the bond straight away - It will come with time.

Answer 6

Honestly, no i didnt.
When my daughter was born, and they placed her on my tummy i just looked at her and felt like she wasnt mine. I had a chest infection so i had to stay in over night in hospital with her alone, and i hated it. I had no idea what to do, and wanted to go home. I wouldnt even change her nappy or cuddle her. If she needed a feed, i would make an excuse and let my boyfriend do it. (just so everyone knows I was 23 and my boyfriend was 27) I felt horrible and kept crying. But then my daughter became ill with gastro-oesophageal reflux. She would keep choking and turning blue. It was heartbreaking. I dont know when i bonded with her, maybe when she was about 2 months old. I love my daughter to bits and i carnt understand why i felt like that when she was born. Shes 3 years now and im having baby number 2. And it is a bit worrying because i dont want to have the same feelings with this child as i had with my daughter.
But i do have a loving and understanding boyfriend and if it wasnt for his patience,kindness, love and support i dont know how i would of coped.

Answer 7

I bonded instantly, and as I had ante-natal depression I was amazed, right up to and past the limit, I was wishing i'd have/had an abortion, it got so bad I felt like throwing myself down the stairs to try and hurt the baby - My midwife helped me a lot, and those feelings went but I was still very down. I had a natural birth and the sound of my son to be honest was more a relief than anything because it meant it was over! But at first sight I was in love - still am. That initial euphoria seemed to cure the depression instantly, now I'm fine and I'm so glad my little man is here!!

Answer 8

I thought there was something wrong with me when I didn't have this "overwelming love" everyone talks about as soon as my daughter was born. I thought it would come with a few days, or even after a week or two - but it didn't. I loved her, but I didn't feel anything like I feel now. I think it was only when she got to about three months that I just woke up with this "overwhelming undying love" for her and since then I would really do anything to protect her. I can't describe the level of my love for her... It is so intense - I can kiss her all day!!! I definately did not have the same love for her when she was born as I do now. I think it takes time for some people but once you have it, it is the best, sweetest and longest lasting love you could ever ask for!

Answer 9

It took a long time for me to bond with my daughter. Whether it was the difficult labour I'm not sure. But I found the whole baby 'thing' very difficult. I didn't really start to feel like myself again for about 4 years. I looked after my daughter well but found the early years so hard. I was very ill when she was newly born and that together with not really being a baby person and my daughter being a very difficult toddler all went together to make a difficult situation. She is now 9 and is the most thoughtful, well behaved little girl. I am immensely proud of her. I guess we have 'bonded. Haha

Answer 10

With my first baby I remember how wonderful she looked all fat and healthy-but I was too drugged up from the emergency c-section to really "bond" with her. That came as soon as I left the hospital.
With my 2nd I had another c-section and didn't get to touch her for 2 1/2 hours after birth. Again, bonding took a few days.
With my 3rd I was able to see her and touch her while they were ssewing me back up. I remember her screaming until I kissed her forhead. Then she stopped crying and looked at me. This was maybe five minutes after the c-section. I couldn't believe I could touch her so soon and she really responded to me! There was an instant bonding there with the instant touching!