My fiance and I are long distance and supposed to get married next month. I have my suspicions that he is cheating. He does most of the things right. Emails, Calls at least once a day, but certain things are different. He wont call after a certain time every day. When I call him and tell him to call me back, he just doesn't. But then the next day he is totally normal, telling me he loves me, can't wait for me to be his wife, it will be the best day of his life, Im the love of his life........but the calls that used to come in pretty much around the clock don't anymore.....and OH YEA!, two of our close friends said that they saw him with a girl outside of a bar one night and they were talking about leaving together. He denies going home with her but that particular night he couldn't be reached till 4pm the next day. We are long distance so I can't know for sure, but some things just don't seem right.
2007-11-05 18:08:25 · 20 answers · asked by Jeannie H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just because he's tempted by someone else out there doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. That's why he still says he wants to marry you. Maybe he found someone that is willing to just give him a purely sexual relationship, so he feels that won't interfere with your impending marriage. However, if he knew that you knew what was going on, he would deny it because he wouldn't want to lose you.
2007-11-05 18:17:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. She gave him a BJ and he somehow managed to convince himself this is less serious than "sleeping" with her? If you had no clue and just discovered this today, your head must be spinning, but I think you already know the answer. You can't possibly sabotage the happiest day of your life by exchanging vows with someone you don't trust, who has committed the biggest trust violation possible between 2 people. And there's zero chance this will change between now and then. You sound too smart to believe that nonsense about an "epiphany", and this doesn't address the lying he's done to cover up. Separate crime, but now you know he lies and cheats. This means you also have to face the probability that there's more you're not even aware of. I usually try to find middle ground with these things, but I just don't see it here. I'm sure you deserve a wedding like I had - the happiest day of my life, knowing I was giving myself to a man I trusted with my soul. It's been almost 8 years and that still applies. Don't settle for a sham just because of what you'll go through in the next week. It'll be hard, sure, but it's also your only option at this point if you respect yourself and have a strong belief in your value. As for the relationship, you don't necessarily have to end it on the spot. Odds are it's over, but sometimes it's easier to face thing in baby steps. So only talk to him right now about any issues that arise from cancelling the wedding. Don't let him override this. Then, after that's all done, DEMAND from him that he give you some space to think things through and get perspective. Take the time that you need, surround yourself with supportive friends who can help you and also have fun at the same time, and see where it takes you. If you're tempted to give this another try, do NOT suggest couples counseling. Wait and see if he does. If he doesn't, then that's when it's goodbye for good, because it indicates he thinks his "epiphanies" are all you need to re-establish trust. I wouldn't even want someone like that as a friend.
2016-05-28 02:12:40 · answer #2 · answered by margarite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U even said for urself that things just dont seem right - trust ur instinct!
Chances are u are right about feeling this way!
U cant know for sure because u arent with him but why trust him so easily if u dont have a reason to?
U need to be with him in person for a few months atleast to know whether things can progress from here!
Spend time with this man 'in person' before fully trusting that he is the 'one' and before making a full committment..
Long distance relationships are hard ... But if u really want this then u have to know for sure - and the only way for u to know if this relationship is worth keeping, is to trust this man - u can only learn to trust him if u know where he is....
2007-11-05 18:22:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just for a moment consider this.
He is a human being with his physical desires. He loves you and desires you in bed. Now you two are living far away. So he must be making up for your absense and satisfying his desires with other girls. Now, if he is having sex with others, he is simply WRONG. There is no excuse in that.
But, please do not think of dumping him yet. You do not have any hardcore evidence that he had sex with another woman yet. Just think whether you two have the possibility of hitting it once you are together.
He is your fiance. So you are probably getting married soon. Marry him and practice birth control for the first two years. By that time you will be able to make out whether he is a cheat or not. If he is a cheat by nature, you can divorce him and you won't have the problem of kids and custody.
Hope I could be of some realistic help!
Good luck!
2007-11-05 18:34:15 · answer #4 · answered by Protik Maitra 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Your fiance will cheat on you and still marry you because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He will marry you because he wants a wife, and then he will see other people behind your back because he believes he can get away with it, and he likes the idea of being able to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants. He's cold and he's arrogant. Are you sure you want to marry someone who is so disrespectful of you? Don't think for a second he'll stop sleeping around once you're married. It's only the beginning.
2007-11-05 18:19:22 · answer #5 · answered by Laeticia 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
maybe you should not listen to other's people saying, u need to have proof. since you two are long distance, maybe you should put the marriage aside first, talk to each other, to see if there is a way you two can stay together not being apart. and spending time together. from there you can get to know if he is cheating or not. good luck to you.
2007-11-05 18:48:31 · answer #6 · answered by lilyrosey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful and do consider about marrying him. If he truly loves you, he should respect you and not fooling around behind your back.
Yes, its very hurtful at this moment (if you choose to leave him) but its better than being hurt/cheated after marrying him (if he doesn't change).
You deserve someone better.
Good luck and all the best to you.
2007-11-05 18:30:34 · answer #7 · answered by Charlyn Lim 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Might want to consider setting a future date for the wedding Just a thought.
2007-11-05 18:19:09 · answer #8 · answered by chilicooker_mkb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that he is cheating. He might want to marry you but does not want the effort to stay true to you while you are apart. I would not marry him if this is true. It will continue when you are married.
2007-11-05 19:47:28 · answer #9 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u can't reach him at certain times, than there is someone else with him, and when she leaves he is his old self again. if u can't trust them before marriage than chances are u won't be able to trust them after. follow your gut feeling its always right.
2007-11-05 22:04:51 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋