too young for marriage?

Question

Ugh. He just turned 20 and she is 18. He's in the military and they've been "a couple" for 5 months. However 1 of those months they each spent with someone else. (he thought she was it too) That was a whole month ago. Anyway, she has at least a few more years of college a head of her and he has a few more years of the military. Her mother is even all for it. (even being nice to lend her engagement ring for him to use to purpose) What in the hell are these three thinking? I'm actually embarassed for them. Should I just keep my mouth shut and let it be or be a Mom and let them all know what I think?

Answer 1

Hmmm, this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't situations. If you don't say anything, you'll sit and watch two people that are way to young get married, which doesn't have a good chance of lasting a long time. Then, if you do say something, your son could target you as the "bad guy", and do it just to despite you. Whatever you decide to do, I would do it with caution. If they do end up getting married, be supportive, there's not much more you can do. Good luck!

Answer 2

Calm down Mom,
If I am reading this correctly you are the boys Mom, are you close enough to talk well with him, maybe you could suggest a nice long engagement. Unless she is pregnant and then it is a matter of honor and the Military will support them, sort of, if he is enlisted they will be poor as church mice but will have good medical coverage.....
I would for the moment just talk to your son, many Mothers can;t get their daughter married off soon enough, comes from the dark ages and old maids I guess.
If it all happens try and hold your tongue and accept it and pray for the best, at least they are not 15 and 16......
and she may be your grandchildrens Mother someday and you will want her good will..... of you want to see your grandchldren........

Answer 3

I married my husband when I was 19, after we knew each other for 3 months. I was going to college and dropped out, but am still attending online. We have a wonderful marriage and just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. He is in the army. Tons of people in the army marry fast and young. Its because of the nature of the job. He can move anywhere at any time, and if you are not married you may never see each other again. They are adults, they can make their own decisions. Remember, the age thing is cultural. You are biased. Not too long ago people married at the age 16 and younger, and still do in many countries. I say keep your mouth shut cuz youll make them mad.
Also, my parents married after 2 weeks of knowing each other. He was in the army. Been married 22 years.

Answer 4

You can talk all you want-They are not going to listen. Then in a year or two your son will come crying on how awful the whole situation is. The best thing you can do is tell your son your reservations and then be as supportive as you can. Don't say I told you so when it falls apart and don't do anything that will drive a wedge between you and your son. He's going to need you. Above all don't put her down or treat her badly. Pretend if you have to, but always be nice to her. In the long run your son needs to know you are there for him no matter what.

Answer 5

I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be the one out in the cold on this one. I think you gotta just have a heart to heart with your son and say "Hon, I wanna know if you are 100% sure this is what you want to do, because if it is I am going to support it whole-heartedly...and I am going to hold you to a different standard, you are going to have to be more grown up than you have ever been...I am going to love that girl like my own daughter and if you two get a divorce I am taking her and kicking you out of the family."

Bottom line, he's not a child and he is going to do what he wants. If you protest, the only benefit you could possibly get is saying "I told you so" at the end...hardly worth it, because if he chooses her, you want it to work....if you don't protest, on the other hand, then you get to be a part of the wedding and a part of your sons life....

It may not be what you would have chosen, but you didn't raise him to choose what was right faccording to you...you raised him to this point to hopefully make good choices and choices that are the best for him...now let him fly...

Answer 6

Don't be the hard a** about this because you'll just drive the two of them together faster. Instead counsel with them your concerns about their youth, and the shortness of their relationship. Remind them of their commitments to school, and uncle SAM. Tell them you support them having a relationship together, (true or not) but you think they should wait until they are more able to sustain their relationship together with careers, and maturity. Tell them you'll be right there in the front seat when they make their relationship permanent, but they need to prepare for that relationship first. 5 months is just too short of a time for them to know in their hearts that this is truly the right path for both of them. give it at least another year, and be sure. Be supportive, be there for them, but help them make the right decisions.

Answer 7

Oh man - I feel for you. As a mom you want to scream and send them to their rooms, but you know it won't change anything. Unfortunately they're adults and will have to learn from their own mistakes and you'll just have to be there when it all comes crashing down unless they get lucky and it all works out for them. My husband is always telling me "it's not your business - stop being a Mom" but it's HARD when you see them heading for a trainwreck. In the end, he's right - they have to learn for themselves. I would let your son know how you feel without "telling him what to do" or lecturing him just to get it off your chest if nothing else - what he does with it is his choice. Good luck!

Answer 8

You can talk till your blue in the face, they will do what they want. It's sad but true. Remember how much you thought you knew at 18 and 20. We knew it all back then didn't we, and no one could tell us differently.

Maybe you'll get lucky and your kid will listen, I hope so for their sakes, but remember to love them no matter what they decide. Be honest, but don't judge. We've all made the "I know everything" mistakes.

Answer 9

It may work out you never know. My best friend was 19 when she married her 21 year old husband. He is in the military and she is in college and they are VERY happy!

Answer 10

My great-grandmother got married at 16. It lasted a lifetime, and I'm glad.... I'm here.

People are different and marry at different times.