I was shocked to learn my friend and her husband had been in a physical altercation before...have you?

Question

My best friend and her husband have a loving and mutually respectful relationship. This is why I was shocked to learn that she had advised a mutual friend who had become physically violent with her husband during an intense argument (mutually aggressive) that this was normal and that most--if not all-- couples go through it once...it is a problem if it becomes a pattern, but that it is bound to happen to most couples once in their mariage. This has NOT been my experience in my own marriage but she cited the names of other couples who had become violent with each other at least once during an argument (shoving, slapping, spitting).... and I am still in disbelief.

I am interested to hear from couples to whom this has happened but have NOT made it a pattern....

I want to be clear that in both situations the women and men were both violent with each other. No blood, probably no bruises...just shoving, from what it sounds like and a slap across the face...

Answer 1

My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. We are 37 and 46 years old. It happened once..and that's all. Yes, it was mutual. He pitched a brand new, expensive cell phone at the wall in the midst of an arguement so hard it went through the sheetrock and lodged between the two rooms. I worked my *ss off to buy him that brand new phone. Then I decided he was leaving because throwing things was a no no in my house and he knew that. He did NOT throw it "at" me. The shoving match ensued as I tried to open the drawer to begin pitching his clothes out and he began trying to keep the drawer shut to prevent me from doing so. We must have looked like the two biggest idiots on the planet. That didn't work and I slammed his hand in the drawer( by accident, I swear) so he decided trying to hold me in one spot until I calmed down was smarter...not so much. I elbowed him in the gut trying to get away from him. He bent over coughing..I freaked because I really thought he was hurt. So now he's bent over in the bedroom floor against the dresser and I'm screaming and crying because I thought I hurt him. It was awful. To this day neither of us have spoken one word about it. Nothing needed to be said. We stood there looking at each other after it happened and we both knew we f*cked up and it would NEVER happen again. Then life went on. That was in 2000. We'd been together since 1996.
Bill and I don't "fight" like that ever. We hadn't before and we haven't since. We both have a short fuse, we both have to be right all the time, and we both sometimes feel that we are not 'heard' by the other. But we don't even slam doors in anger in our house..especially since that incident happened.
Sure, there are screaming matches...lots of them....and people who witness it are amazed because they think we're arguing and then in half a minute we're talking about something completely different...and the witnesses are totally lost.
I don't know if I believe one fight is normal. I believe if you have to resort to violence you've already lost the arguement..just as Bill and I both did that day. Chances are, those that have that 'one fight' and then have no more, learned like we did that it's counter productive and childish. I would also be inclined to believe that those who never have that 'first fight' really have their stuff together and that they must communicate very well with one another.

Answer 2

I was in a relationship that became physical a couple times, I think it was something we both were going through. Maybe alot of couples do this, but it is not normal or healthy. Try to stay away from each other if tempers get elevated. People often do things in the heat of the moment and it isn't always fun. Any way I was in this relationship for 10 years and it was never a pattern. Don't let it be for you you either.

Answer 3

I think it can be apart of that deep passion you have for each other. When you love someone so much, it can be that intense with anger too. When an argument occurs under the right circumstances, it can go that far. I slapped at my hubby one time, day before our 1st anniversary, it was a bad week, full of crap from our jobs and we were just in pissy moods all week, it came to a head with one good argument and he called me a not so nice thing and I reacted before I knew it.
It has never happened again, and we've learned thru the years "how to argue".
So yes it can happen with out things getting violent on a regular basis.

Answer 4

Do you mean that the women become violent? the men? or both? I don't know that its normal, but I feel that if it isn't a pattern, and nobody was injured that it might not be the end of the world, if I found out a guy shoved/spit on/slapped one of my female friend I'd do something about it though.

Answer 5

Yeah, it usually happens once. It is part of the "adjustment" phase - but after it life is good and there is no more physical altercations. Of course, this only applies to physical altercations that do not involve the man punching out his wife or breaking one of her limbs - we are talking a shove and maybe a slap by either or both parties.

Humans are like monkeys unfortunately....

Answer 6

a million. relies upon, if he lost the combat i might recommend him to maintain his left up, block and jab, stick and flow. 2. on the different hand if he gained the combat, i might recommend him to sleep together with his Johnson in a metallic pipe for defense. 3. If he threw the 1st punch and he or she substitute into unarmed, nicely, enable's basically say it rather is his butthole now: * it rather is what it somewhat is gonna look like it 11 months: O whilst he gets out of reformatory. 4. If she threw the 1st punch or substitute into armed, i'm hoping he has witnesses or a video, otherwise see 3.

Answer 7

Though not married, I was in an approximately 1 yr relationship with a young woman. She was a button pusher.

One night, she kept pushing and pushing. I raised my open hand in front of my chest, (as if to strike her), and then I put it down.

That was a BIG wake up call for me that I was in wrong relationship, and I ended it some weeks later.

Answer 8

lol thats my parents wen my dad pisses off ma mom wen hes drunk she pretty much kicks his *** ya its normal buht if its like literally abusive where thers bruises an cuts an strangling involved thas wrong an if its a patter could turn out realli bad in the future violence should not b in any relationship no matter how mad they are ...me an ma brother an sister always have to stop my mom from pushn ma dad off the chair or pushing him up the stairs thas normal for us shes not tryna hurt em shes jus frustrated it never got out of hand which is what your friend should b looking for

Answer 9

Been there, done that. Only got physical once. We're usually very affectionate and communicative and I would say we have a healthy fulfilling relationship.

Alcohol is not your friend.

Answer 10

Physical violence is no way to solve marital problems and usually only escalates into more and worse violence. It is not "normal". Couples should be able to work out problems without resorting to physical acts of violence. According to the law, this is domestic abuse.