now but I still hate him. He thinks I'm leaving when in reality, I have nowhere to go. He's begging me to stay and not divorce him. Any advice would be great. I have no place to go and I really like my home most of the time. Help. I don't want him knowing I'm stuck here. I'm so lost.
2007-11-05 15:16:36 · 50 answers · asked by jacquie 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He did this once before about 8 years ago. I figure if I stay here, I have 8 years to learn a self-protection skill.
2007-11-06 14:31:28 · update #1
Thanks for all of the advice. I learned that there are great people here who care about a stranger. Thanks everyone!!
2007-11-07 14:14:26 · update #2
Call the police, they'll get you into a shelter.
No home is worth taking a beating for.
Or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or hit their website at http://www.ndvh.org/
I was an EMT for eight years. I've treated broken bones, and other injuries from women who "fell" or "walked into a door," etc. Strange thing...they tend to get clumsier as the marriage gets worse.
Sometimes the kids get clumsy too.
2007-11-05 15:18:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 0⤋
Of course he's sorry. Until the next time. And everyone has somewhere to go. You are in danger! Your life may very well depend on your leaving him. There is no excuse for a man to hit a woman. Ask Nicole Brown Simpson! If you don't have any family or a good friend where you could stay for a while, go to the nearest womens' shelter or even talk to the police. Unless your feet are glued to the floor, you are not stuck. Get an order of protection and be sure the police know you're a battered woman and who the JERK is that is harming you. This is a very important step so don't skip over it! Get help and get out while you are still able! You can do it. Your life may depend on it. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!
2007-11-05 15:24:01 · answer #2 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should call the police! I don't know what state you live in but almost every state has shelters for women that have been abused.If you are going to stay try and put some money away.Get extra money for groceries and hide it.Put things away so next time you will be prepared,and there will be a next time there always is.Check the yellow pages and find a shelter near you and hide all the money you can.Be ready,when he does it again call the police and they will put him in jail,while he is locked up,move.If you want to take a chance on keeping the house you can ask the judge for an order of protection but he may not care!You should call the police and have him arrested and then run away!I'm sorry this happened to you or any woman.Not all guys are like that.Good luck.
2007-11-05 15:27:22 · answer #3 · answered by notagain49 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Suck it up and play it of... for tonight. It is what you call acting for safety. Convince him that everything is cool and that you can forgive him. Tomorrow... or as soon as you can get away without him being suspicious... get to a lawyer and then do as he advises. This will probably involve a police report. DO IT. Get him barred from the house and get someone to stay with you at all times for a bit. It must be a female or it will be use against you in court. Have your friends stay with you in shifts if that is what it takes.
Family will work as well.
If you do not move on this now.. you are not going to for some time to come. And if you don't take action... he WILL beat you again. Why not... you took it once didn't you?
I know tat you are scarred and this is a horrible task that you never dreamed of on your wedding day but it can only get worse if you do not make your stand now. Do not back down. Abusers have the smoothest tounges.
I wish you luck... and more backbone than you feel taht you possess!
~Tyed~
2007-11-05 15:25:50 · answer #4 · answered by owltyedup 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have a job, your better off, call the police, he will get arrested, and there will automatically be a restraining order put on him, that will stop him from going to the house, or at least legally, he may go against it but it will just make it worse for him. This will give you the house, and the judge is not going to let him back in. You always have a choice, its hard i know it is, but he has no respect for you if he is doing this so why should you care about him. Please protect yourself. if you make the first move and call the police you will be better off in the end. I promise, the same thing happened to me, and you get stronger after you realize you can stick up for yourself. He needs help, and he will probably be put in DV classes, which hopefully if he says hes sorry, he will get something from the classes. getting the police involved isn't always what people want, but sometimes its the only way for crazy people to be stopped. sorry you are going through this, please don't hesitate to email me if you have any other questions, i have been through the whole thing, court and everything. good luck hun
2007-11-05 15:33:05 · answer #5 · answered by jellybean91404 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you say you have nowhere to go does this mean that you have no friends, family near to you? I wouldn't stay with this guy. Just by being there he knows that he can get away with it.
If you don't want to call the police to press charges then try to find a place near to you that helps women with these problems. You'll be surprised at how common it is and you'll find that you have a lot of options available to you. Never think that you have nowhere to go and have to stay. No body should have to put up with a partner lifting their hands.
Please try and speak to someone about this before it gets out of hand and you feel even more stuck or seriously hurt.
Hope things work out for you.x
2007-11-05 17:16:49 · answer #6 · answered by Cinderella 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi well i guess you have heard it all i am stuck here right now like you and have been told by friends to get him out he has been in prison so many times for abusing me, and i still believe it will get better it wont. Now i am on a mission and not telling him that i am selling and leaving the country, this is the only way i know out for me. Sounds strange but i still have feelings for him even though i know when hes drunk the beatings will start again. Its hard i know been in it so long now that i was thinking it was my fault. So really think hard and get out as soon as you can. Its easy for all well meaning people but you have to do it or he will keep you there with the sorries
2007-11-05 15:58:32 · answer #7 · answered by marling61 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want you to leave because then he would lose his punching bag.
Go to the police. But, be aware this could be only temporary, and even if he is imprisoned, it will probably be only for a short time, so you need to move fast.
Go to your family.
Go to your church, if you have one, as they often know of shelters and other help.
Call a Battered Woman hotline -- there will be a number in the front of your phone book, and probably a listing.
Go to Social Services -- they can help you set up a new life, and help with housing and a job.
You are not stuck. And you will be surprised, when you finally make that step -- AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT -- how easy it really was.
2007-11-05 15:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by Lady S 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have been there. I left with kids in tow, and not just once, twice!
I will not allow myself or my children to be abused by anyone. I would not stay, if I were you. If you are afraid to leave when he is there, then wait until he's at work. The police are very helpful and understanding. There are shelters now. When I left my first husband, there were only a very few, and most people thought if a husband was abusive, it was because you did something, not that he had problems. Mine would get drunk and beat me up because he felt like it.
It only gets worse.
If he doesn't go to therapy, he won't get better.
Get out of there before you get hurt or killed.
2007-11-05 15:24:05 · answer #9 · answered by Debra S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh baby girl,
I have been there ! when he hits it is because he is having a tantrum and you are his target. When a man can raise his hand to a person that is delicate by bone structure .........you are not safe. I understand you not wanting to leave your home , adn not having anywhere to go ......the world is scary out there when you have created a bubble to live in.
Do you remember what you were like 10 years ago , what was your personality like? did you laugh a lot . and have a lot of friends?
You need a break , you need to remember who you are! find your spirit again.
In reality you have him where you want him , he knows he is wrong or he would'nt be scared your leaving him but, by staying you have and are continue to give him permission to slap you around as if you are worthless. ...are you worthless?
.... play your cards it is your game now.....
.. lay down the law....leave go home to family if you can . explain what has happen you will be suprised how many people will help you. .... stay with a friend... you may think you don't have a place to go but you need to open your self up and be heard ............there is many people that will help you I promise.
build your walls against him ... make him go to therapy ...make him earn your love as he did when he wanted to marry you. ......becuase right now he has no regaurd for you..........
My ex beat the snot out of me ......kick a bag of trash on my body ,threw spaggetti on my face , choked me ( until i really thought this was the end this is how i am going to die! ) t
hen he had the nerve to cry about how sorry he was. only a month later after all his stupid tears .....driving down the road he took the wheel of my car while i was driving and tried to slam me into a wall. because of some stupid tantrum .
( again ) .... lucky for me and other's on the road no one got hurt that time. ... i left one night In the middle of the night, threw a bedroom window. and into my car... to a hotel. where i stayed for several months until i could compose myself. it was the best thing EVER. I learned how to live , laugh , love and trust again he was just a bad seed . IT took a long time I am not going to lie. but i recovered.... and you will too.
never give him the upper hand. you do what you need to do !!! remember where your spirit and heart is. it may be forgotten but it isn't lost.
if you need to talk email me tremi103@yahoo.
anything you need to vent , I know you are scared .........that's isn't how life should be
2007-11-05 16:19:41 · answer #10 · answered by la de da 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know after reading your letter tonight, I thought about turning it over to Yahoo Security, but decided against it, and I hope I didnt make a mistake in not doing so? I work for battered and abused women and I can tell you this life your living isnt a life at all, you are being beat up by this so called man who claims to be your husband and you are letting him get away with it! You are stronger then him in lots of ways, so you must use your strength and have him arrested for domestic violence today! Dont fall for the Im sorry act, he,s not sorry at all! He hates himself and is taking it out on you, he thinks your a easy target and can get away with it, so show him your not gonna take it and call the police! If you dont I will! I dont tolerate any woman being abused and neither should you!
2007-11-05 15:37:37 · answer #11 · answered by penelope 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋