What's marriage counseling like?

Question

My boyfriend and I are thinking about pursuing marriage counseling BEFORE we get engaged (actually he's against it, i'm for it).

If we go to counseling as a couple interested in marriage, what's it going to be like? Are they going to make us soul search about why we want to get married?

Are we going to roleplay each other? Talk seperately with the counselor about our issues? Talk about our fears in a group setting with other couples?

Answer 1

The experience of marriage counseling depends on your mindset upon going in. If you go in thinking "I am right and there is no one that can tell me any different", then you are in for disappointment. Marriage counseling is meant to find strengths and common goals. It is not meant to point fingers and place blame. It is mediation when neither side can see things through the other side's eyes. The best marriage counseling is first done separate. This is to get both side's points of view without interruption or fear. Then, together. This is when the counseler has a firm grasp on the situation and feels they can calm any heated debate with rationality.

Answer 2

I did Christian counseling for about 3 years and some of it dealt with 'marriage'. I found out that being a good listener is essential; and knowing the truth always seemed to lie somewhere in the middle. Funny as it seems the ones I dealt with the problems were always mutual even though each person did not present it that way.

I developed a method of resolving issues as long as they were not 'deeply' serious. This would not be the format to go into this, but I did find it both rewarding and frustrating.

Both people have to be completely on board for the counseling to work otherwise it is a big waste of time. I never sent folks to group settings, not saying this isn't a good method of healing. Listen closely, take down notes that will help in making helpful decisions, get each person to open up and speak freely about what they see are the issues.

Good luck if you decide to do this. As to doing this as before marriage decision. I do not quite understand the logic in this?

Answer 3

Having been married AND divorced, I think that pre-marriage counseling is REALLY important and I won't get married again without it. I got married and divorced and then a few years later I was engaged again. While we were in marriage counseling we BOTH realized that marriage wasn't what we wanted. So it can go both ways. We parted amicably...but when I finally do meet THAT ONE, I will want to get all our problems on the table before the big I do!

Answer 4

We went to premarital counceling required by the church. In those sessions (3 of them) the pastor just talked to us about our backgrounds, history of our relationship. Were our core values compatable. And in those sessions, we promised each other that if we ever got into marital trouble, we would seek marriage counseling.

We did seek counceling after 10 yrs of marriage. Something was wrong with our marriage. We just didn't know what it was. Neither of us wanted to quit the marriage, but neither of us wanted to go on the way we were. We interviewed several councelors till we found one we were comfortable with and felt could help us. We had one session per week for approx 3 mos. He talked to both of us one week, me the next, her the next, then both again. He figured out our problem but didn't tell us. He helped us to figure out what our problem was. We were given exercises (homework) to do. We kept journals of our thoughts. When we figured out the problem then he helped us with a solution. Our problem was communication. He helped us to learn to communicate better. That was 30 yrs ago. He gave us some advice I pass along to anyone who will listen ( or read). "Marriage is like going on a vacation in your car. You know where you are starting, and you know where you want to end up. But sometimes you get on the wrong road. And you usually don't realise that you are on the wrong road until you are really lost. You can't just snap your fingers and be back on the right road again. You have to work your way back. And sometimes, while working your way back, you get on the wrong road again. But if you keep working, you will get back on the right road and reach your destination." The word "road" became our buzz word. If either of us had any question, we might ask "Are we on the same road on this?" Then whatever we were doing, we would stop and make sure we were.

Answer 5

If your spouse says "I have fallen out of love with you" don't panic. It doesn't mean your marriage is over. It doesn't even mean they don't love you. How to get your spouse to love you again https://tr.im/jxFO4

What it does mean is that your spouse has lost their way, or doesn't understand the many stages love and a relationship goes through.

You are being called to take charge of the situation, guide your spouse towards understanding this process, and even begin to rekindle your relationship.

The key to success is in understanding what is happening in your marriage and the role that love plays. It's very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case.

Answer 6

My wife and I went through marriage counceling before we got married, and it really helped us. Our pastor that married us is who we went to for counceling, and he helped us both by telling us about things we could expect in our marriage and gave us advice on how to handle those conflicts when they came up. He helped us alot by answering questions about concerns we had, and it helped prepair us for marriage.