.Found my sexlife with my husband quite dull?

Question

I am in 5th years of my married life.Found my sexlife with my husband quite dull and I really don't enjoy it anymore. I don't have any other relations, neither I feel attratcted to anybody. Have a kid , who makes me busy after office hour, have a very demanding boss, who is always chasing me with my works. Is it normal or shall I go and see any psychiatrist? Acting as if I am enjoying it ( just want to make my husband happy as he wants me to be very aggressive during lovemaking), but not wanting it at all is very painful for me. Not having any enjoyed sex also makes me angry and frustrated the next day. One thing, I remain very tired at night to manage my home and job together.
What shall I do now? need your advice badly, is ther anyone facing teh similar problem, or this problem of coldness is only with me?

Answer 1

I've been married 7 years and I totally understand how you feel! When you are with one person for so long your sex life can have many highs and lows; combined with the daily stresses of work, children etc.

BUT, your sex life with your husband should be an outlet, a refuge, an area of pleasure...not a "job" or chore like the many routines we as women can get caught up in, because we are being pulled in various directions as a wife, mom, employee or employer, friend, sister, etc. The one thing I think men in marriage have mastered is how NOT to allow ANYTHING to effect their sex drives; we on the other hand are more emotional beings and are not so savvy in that area.

I say you don't need a doctor. You need some REAL TALK with your husband about how you feel and what he can help you do to change it. I think that when you are overwhelmed and over-worked, with people wanting stuff from you, sex can start to feel like just one more thing your husband wants from you, but leaves you feeling like "What about ME!!!!!!!!!!!!".

I think more foreplay, kind words during the day, going on dates etc play a part in married sex staying fresh, because sooooooooooooo many things become routine and sooner or later sex ends up falling victim to the theme of your life. Try new things, positions and again be honest with your husband so you won't continue to build up resentment and you will be fine!

Answer 2

First off, stop having sex when you don't feel like it, and stop pretending to enjoy it when you're not. He'll never be able to rock your world if you keep going on like this.

Figure out what your sex life is missing. What have you always wanted to try yet never tried before? Tell him about your fantasies. Buy some toys. Tell him what you want during the act. Read sex ed books together. Watch pornos and get ideas.

Since you're exhausted, let him know and ask if he'll help you w/ your after work responsibilities. And make him do all the work during sex for a change.

Answer 3

It is very difficult for women to balance the stresses of home, family and work. Your husband should take this into consideration. The more the man helps out with the "small" things, the more the woman appreciates it. Do you think that if he tried to take some of the load off of your shoulders that you would be more attracted to him? Talk to him about how you feel. See if you can bring about a positive change in him. If the communication is there, then he should not take offense, but should be willing to help in any way he can.

Answer 4

Being a mother is very hard work and is very tiring and then having another job on top of that ....Must be very difficult. I am a mother of two and I stay At home and I too find myself so tired and defeated at the end of the day that I can not even think about having sex. My husband is frustrated by this alot and I feel bad. We try to get away for some alone time to regroup and reconnect and that helps. It couldn't hurt to talk to a therapist. I've thought about it myself. You are not alone!

Answer 5

No, it's not just you. You have a very common problem that most working mothers have. You are tired!

What you need to do is start making time for just you and your husband. Send the child to grandma's house for the night, get a hotel room and enjoy his company instead of thinking about all the other things that you have to do doing that time.

Answer 6

Personally I think that your letting stress ruin a good thing! try new things have some one watch the kids for a couple of hours and have fun. Explore each other and have fun with each other. Think of things that can spice up your sex life such as adult game boards or dice and bring in the oils. I could go on ...but do your research. You take out of a marriage what you put in to it. Best of Luck!

Answer 7

hi, I'm Joe. believe me you're not the only one. this thing randomly occurs to women after a few years marriage. I have the same problem, of course it's not me but my wife. she was bz with home and office work...i think that's the trigger. she complained about tired and not enjoying sex, and try to ignore me at night. but now, it's getting better since we have a discussion about this problem. and we both agreed to change our lifestyle, for examples try to eat healthy food, spend your time more-with your kids, sports like walking or jogging in the park, and doing foreplay more before sex. And don't take it as a big problem if you're not ready for sex. maybe just a kiss and hug is enough for keeping you warm, you can do it later when you think you both can. the time is your decision. about seeing psychiatrist, you can do it if you want. but try to solve the problem yourselves first. sit down and talk...communicating with your spouse is the best because no one knows you better than yourself right?

good luck

Answer 8

Come on, Roseanne, quit faking it! Wanting to please your husband is fair enough, but if it's putting this much stress on you, you HAVE to tell him. Poor guy thinks he's a stud making you happy. You are not helping either of yourselves. Try whatever--games, books, counseling, hotel rooms, sexy clothes, getting a babysitter every now and then, etc. Sex is important in marriage. Gotta make things right. Talk, talk, then talk some more. Your brain is the most important organ in a good sex life. With your mentation as it is, you will never enjoy it.

Answer 9

well i think that thers just bad days an good days..mayb try having jus one day together and do things u guys used to do when u dated get sum sexy langeri make urself feel beautiful an u never know how the night mite turn out to be you might jus enjoy it..usually wen ur workn an have so many things to handle it obviously isnt gonna b much fun especially if ur tired..but hey try new things tha always works

Answer 10

Relationships normally have thier lows. If you love hubby, hang in there and look for ways to spend enjoyable time together, sometimes that can make the sex seem fresh.