What do you think of this 'Poem'.?

Question

Please^~^....Be honest^^!
"My greatest which"
"If I could change the universe
I would change the stars
To Aline my true Love
To appear in my life

That is impossible
And I can accept it
But is just so hard
to find a man
That can accept me

If he could just acknowledge
And see the real me
Everything would be so different
And I could be ho I wanna be

I wanna be your lover, I wanna be your friend
I wanna be your everything...
each and in every sense.

Answer 1

A few spelling and grammatical comments first. I don't think you need the inverted comma before "if". "Aline" should be "Align" (I don't know if you meant the "A" to be upper case). In the second verse, there should be the word "it" between "But" and "is". In the fourth line of the same verse, the word "to" should read "To" for consistency. In the third verse, I'm sure you mean "who" instead of "ho"! In the last verse, Have you ran the first and second lines together? I think the last line should start with "In". If you disagree then "each" should read "Each".

The sentiments of your poem are powerful and you get your message over.

Oh, I assume that "My Greatest Which" is the name of the poem? If it is then use upper case for each word and consider changing "Which" to "Wish", as this is what I think you are putting across.

All in all, a good poem.

I hope my comments are helpful :-)

Answer 2

My Greatest Wish!!

If I could change the universe
I would change the stars above
to Aline them in a vision
of my one and only true love

for him to just appear in my life
that can be near impossible
but it is something I am willing to except
for life is not always about giving
of what would be such a special gift

But it can be such a struggle
to find the one true man
that can hold and except me
and take this wish at hand

But first I must acknowledge
and find the real true me
than everything would be so different
more of how I wanna be

I wanna be a lover,I wanna be your friend
I wanna be your everything....
If it was all based on one wish!!

Answer 3

To make this original a spelling mistake free zone -
Line 1 - Wish
Line 4 - align
Line 14 - who.

Also the last line makes no sense. I think maybe you meant "In each and every way" although if you are someones everything then that means EVERYTHING so adding the last line is unnecessary!

It lack some imaginative flair, it is more like a starting point for a good poem. You have stated how you feel, now try to put more emotions and passion into it.

Good Luck with finding love by the way!

Answer 4

This is a poem written in the moments of personal honestly and innocence, the elements that give it the courage that is needed to reach star in heavens and apply the order of ‘your ‘love’ in place of divine love. And yet is a poem about sense of helplessness and denial of the self through an impossible act of complete and unquestionable devotion to someone.

At its heart, this poem signifies extremes: on the one hand you desire the mastery of the universe for the purpose of your heart’s content, whereas the nest moment, you wish to be ‘everything’ to someone. What if someone does not want you to be their 'everything' alone? May be they like you to be you first and foremost as you are. How could they someone like someone with powers to alter destiny written in stars, or someone who from the zenith of the heavens above would leap straight to their feet – there is life in between where you might find them. Then why for instance only stars should suffer an upheaval, why not trees, flowers, messenger bird, they make parts of human destiny too.

The desire, which you express as your whish, however moderately conceived long time ago and nurtured with tender cares, now needs to be realised, needs to become a reality of your life. The most common consequence of harbouring far-reaching ambitions, overwhelming desires and fantastic dreams is that they in due time start to overcome normal realities of one’s life, realities where normal people live and find happiness in normal comforts of life, where children shrill and fight over their play things, where people talk about their problems in the warming repose of their evening get-togethers, where there is life not too good, not bad just as it comes to people like me and you and the rest.

Answer 5

It sound's good, the spelling and word placement could use some work, but all and all it's prity good. did you perhap's mean on the last line: in each and every sense?

Answer 6

not the greatest. sounds like it could be a song or just something that you can say to someone. Definatly not a poem.

Answer 7

Which is the unconscious slip....Your poem so lines good but you mention i too much,dont think that's considered good form..Keep on expressing yourself Good Luck

Answer 8

What is so great about finding a "man"? This poem really is overly romantic, and overly gushy. Be careful what you wish for.

Answer 9

It sounds like something you would hear on the radio by mariah carey or ciara... its cool

Answer 10

i like the second verse, it's cool, it's rhythm is good...i do like the poem but i think that (being my critical self) it could be a bit better...?