Pychology/Parenting? What should I do? cont'd?

Question

As I was saying, her latest boyfriend is the most scary. Too long to go into but I haven't liked him since the day we 1st met. 1 evening, my child asked me why she couldn't drive since her friend could (remember, both are only 8). Her friend said "You weren't supposed to tell. It's a secret." I asked her what she meant by "driving". Long story short, recent scary live-in boyfriend (who both celebrated their sobriety by drinking, since June) is letting her sit on his lap while he's driving. When my child & I were alone, I told her that she could NEVER go across the street & play inside her friend's house when boyfriend is there. The mom has been constantly at me to let my child spend the night. 2 weeks ago, she kept on pressing & I told her. (She & boyfriend are extremely vulgar, hot tempered & curse badly.) There have been 3 incidents each calling me the F word since, in front of the children, when she's tried to break my rule. Yesterday-the final straw. What should I do? Move?

The beginning of this question is 5 minutes earlier. Same question but "about my neighbor (former drug addict)? I apologize. This was the first time I've ever posted a question & it said that I had run out of space.

& I agree. Without reading this 2nd half of my original (obviously the 1st respondents didn't read it in its entirety), I would also say that it was none of "my" business.

Viento, bless you. You are so sweet. This was my first time to ever ask a question & I screwed up, therefore my question is actually in 2 parts. It said I had run out of space in my first question. You are seeing the second half. Maybe I should delete both questions & start all over? What do you suggest?

I can't find out how to combine my first part so I'll just put it here. Sorry, next time I'll read the guidelines, duh! Btw, thanks to everyone who has answered both even if you didn't get the full question.

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE RESPONDING, THANK YOU.

Psychology/Parenting? What should I do about my neighbor (former drug addict)? Part I

For 2 years, I have been renovating my house. My 8 yr. old daughter & I were not living in the house during the work. We moved back in the week school started in August. Ever since my child was 3, she's been friends with this little girl (same age), who was being raised by her grandparents (who are very respected members of this community & also happen to be a great couple), while their daughter was in prison & subsequently drug rehab. While we weren't living in our house, the "mother's" parents bought the house directly across the street from me for their daughter & her child (my daughter's friend). When their daughter got out of prison/rehab,

she & her daughter moved in. I had never met her before, but I knew her parents. I know they had custody during their daughter's "stint", & may still have(?). When I was 1st getting to know their daughter, she said something that I've never forgotten. She was complaining about her boyfriend, who she'd just met & was already allowing him to mooch off her (really her parents). She said something to the effect that "oh right, I still have to work on my man problem". Since him (a real scum bag, as all the rest so far), she has had a steady stream of boyfriends moving in & out, all with her daughter in the house & all with her parents (who are humiliated & shouldn't be) footing the bills. This latest one is the scariest of all of them. End of Question Part I. Once again, I apologize.

Part #3: Many of you said on my 1st self-admitted screwed up question that I should mind my own business and if it had been me & I only read the 1st part and skipped the last 2 sentences, I would agree with you.

I have never done this in my life; I don't like interfering at all but I have to be my daughter's advocate. Plus, I'd like to add that I value my privacy highly and do the same for others. I have never wanted to be friends with the mother & certainly not hear her spill out the contents of her horrible life w/ every other word being the f-word. I broke down several months ago & called her parents & told them that I was very concerned about the "driving" story & further that their daughter had also let it slip, that she was allowing the daughter in her/their bed. Thankfully her parents said that they were not the kind to "shoot the messenger". She has been trying to clarify/justify this to me ever since she made the gaffe. The situation has gotten way out of control.

& I am really afraid for her daughter & mine. I've told the child before that she's not only welcome in our home anytime, night or day, but if she ever needs someone to come to, we'll be here for her. I feel so sorry for her but I am also very worried about her. We all want to put our parents on a pedestal when we are little & she does love her mother, which is as expected. I am beside myself & the only option I see is that I dump the house on the market & move as fast as we can from them. I cannot describe how truly frightening her boyfriend is. H E L P!

I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BEING SO LONG.

Answer 1

You should NOT move, this is your home and there is no reason to move. I am sorry for all of those out there who feel that this is none of your business. Children are the business of us all in the since that if something is truly wrong we have a responsability to help the child. That does not always mean reporting the parents to the authorities but it does mean staying involved.

I am not sure of what you ended up saying in response to her pressing but I am guessing it was pretty direct. My daughter has a couple of friends from school who come from some pretty hard backgrounds. She will be 8 this month and I simply do not let her sleep over at any ones house other than family and one close friend with whom I am very comfortable with her family. I simply tell others that there children are welcome in my home any time and if they are comfortable with sleep overs than their daughter can sleep over at my house. You are right that your daughter has no business being around a litany of boyfriends that her friends mother chooses to bring home. I hope that you will be able to continue to provide your daughter's friend with a safe and loving home to visit.

Have you spoken to the grandparents? I was never this kind of mother but I was single for the first 6 years of parenting. Trust me, if I had been up to no good like this woman and you called my parents... they would have taken my daughter and done all they could to help me get straight. You say that the girls grandparents are good people. If they are then you can trust them with this information as they will want to help both their grandaughter and their daughter.

Definetly keep your daughter as far away from this girls mom until she cools off and boyfriends forever. You are the mother of your daughter and your rules for her life go. Good luck to you, I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult place with all of this. All I can think when my daughter is privy to such ongoings is to use it as an oppurtunity to teach compasion and love for even the most difficult people. If you and your daughter pray together do so for this little girl and her mother. Sorry to be so long winded I just really feel your pain in this.

Answer 2

I totally agree that you need to keep your daughter away from the mother and the boyfriends. There is no telling what she could be exposed to in that house.

And eventually you "may" have to break it off with the daughter, unless the grandparents step in and take the daughter away. What children are exposed to is the way they usually start acting.

Answer 3

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