Need relationship help! Just married and husband works 2nd shift, fight all the time. HELP? Advice Please?

Question

My husband and I just got married and he just started working 2nd shift. I work days. He is never at home and we fight all the time. I never get to see him, have dinner with him, sex with him, never get to sit down and TALK!??!?? What do we do??Am I looking for an easy way out?? I just am depressed coming home to NO ONE and as a newlywed its hard. I am so depressed and then he is leaving me at home and going on a hunting trip. I have to work yes. But I want to spend some time with him. What do I do?? Advice please

Oh I forgot....he could go back to days anytime....he says that he is doing this to better himself. He has worked in this jobs for 8 years and was on days until right before we got married

We both seem to want to work at it. And when do we fight.....on the phone...almost everytime we TALK! It is so stressful

Answer 1

Uggg we lived like that for one summer. He was on first, I was on second and it felt like we were just passing each other as we went to work. We worked it out by sleeping when the other one was working and hanging out when we were both off. He would go to work at 7 am, get home at 3 pm and sleep. I would go to work at 3pm, get home at 11. He'd get up, we'd hang out, we'd sleep a little more and he'd get up for work and leave me sleeping.....and we'd do it again the next day. If you don't have kids it's not that hard to figure out, you just wont be keeping traditional hours. Our ultimate solution was me finding another job. Let him go hunting. Men find their spirituality in nature and really need that time. You'll have time to take trips together too. Use the hunting trip as a time to get all of your Christmas shopping and decorating done. He'll come home to a happy wife and warm home. You are newly married, you have many years to get to a place where your life is as you want it. Work towards the goal and find ways to spend time together. Good luck :)

Answer 2

Take a vacation. Even if it's just a vacation from both of your jobs. Take some time for yourselves and your relationship. He should have done all the bettering of himself before your nuptials, right now it's time for the two of you to be bettering your marriage. And no, I am not saying that there is never a time to do things for yourself even when you are married, but a new marriage requires a lot of time and work s/times.

Try no to attack him when you are talking to him. Don't say all the things he is doing wrong in y'all's marriage. But try to explain to him how you are feeling.
As far as the hunting trip, would you rather him be at home whinning b/c he didn't get to go, b/c if you don't let him go, that's what is going to happen.
I get that you want him to be there when you get home from work and all, but not when he has that hunting trip in the back of his mind. Hunting season is only a few months.

Ask him what working this 2nd shift is doing to "better himself".

Ask him what he is wanting out of your relationship, and why he thinks y'all are fighting so much and what he thinks y'al should do to fix it.

Good Luck, and don't give up yet. The first year of marriage is usually the tough one, you are taking 2 independent people and starting a whole new life for the 2 of them together. It's a lot to get adjusted to no matter how long you dated before.

Answer 3

I would guess the fighting is caused by the stress you have built up all the time.

If you really want to have a happy marriage, you will have to stop concentrating on the negative things and focus on the positive. With a negative focus, it does not really matter what shift he works or if he was with you all the time. You will still fight.

My wife and I had a year where I was gone for two weeks and then home for two days and then gone again over and over for the entire year. We had been married only about two years and had a newborn baby. It was really tough, but someone gave us the same advise I have given you...it worked.

Answer 4

Being newly married, I can understand why you want to be able to spend more time with him. Unfortunately, he is stuck on second shift. Not his idea, I take it. Unless one of you is willing to quit your job and look for one that is in line with the other's, you will have to learn to accept this schedule. The important thing to do is make the best of the time you two do have together. Don't waste it on fighting and arguing, and don't waste it on petty squabbles. Schedule some time that you both have off to do something with each other, whether it's watch a movie together or go out to eat or just lay around and talk. Adjust your lives where you can so you can maximize the time off that you have together. Like I said, make the most of the time you do have together. I'm sure he will try to get on the first shift again as soon as he can. : )

Answer 5

Working different shifts when you are a newly wed sucks and it can be very hard on the new marriage. I say both of you should try to find a job where you both can work the same hours.
Tell you that you think the 2 of you need sometime together, so after his hunting trip, try to plan a weekend get away. While he is gone do something with your girl friends to keep you busy

Answer 6

He's probably feeling just as stressed out by the situation. And you aren't making it any better by fighting with him when you two do have any time together.

Maybe he can switch shifts after a while. Or you could work nights so you could spend your mornings together.

Regardless, chill out! Fighting with the guy all the time would be the deal breaker in any relationship.
Just work with the time you do have together. Try to make it peaceful and relaxing.

Answer 7

Will you be working different shifts for a long time to come, or is this only a temporary problem? If you are unable to leave work to accompany him on the hunting trip, perhaps he should skip it so that you can have a few nights together. Is he willing to make that compromise? Marriage requires constant work, maintenance, and compromise. Keep talking to one another, keep communicating. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Get a night time job so you will both be on the same schedule. If it is easier and the two of you can agree, have him get a daytime job for the same reason. Lack of communication does break down the barriers and cause much conflict in a marriage. Do what you have to to fix this now before it gets way out of hand.

Answer 9

stop doing this. be kind and understanding and patient and supportive. be supportive. talk about your goals together and tell him you support his goals and his desire to be better. stop fighting with him. i could spend some time here telling you how immature and nasty you sound, how foolish and how selfish and ignorant, but i would not want to offend you.

when i first married my husband traveled and i never saw him monday thru friday. i considered it my JOB to be grateful he worked hard and to be supportive of this cause he was doing this for both of us. to get promoted. i would have cut my tongue out before i would have complained. i had a fabulous meal out for him and had the house cleaned when he came home. and a delighted smile for him, and listened to his stories.

so what do you do? you make a plan for your time. and you have goals and you are both clear on what they are. and you tell him you are never going to complain again. and you are never going to use the word 'depressed' in regard to your newlywed marriage ever again.

try it. YOU first.

Answer 10

The first line in your question is we just got married...That is part of it. Anyone who has been married a while knows the the first yer is the hardest year. My hubby worked the late shift when we first got married and it was hard but we managed. You will too just give it time.