How do I calm myself? Should I forgive? Should I bury the hatchet or not?

Question

Ok I´m a young single mom to a 4 yr old becuz the father of my child left me to marry someone else, during all the time they were together she told him to NOT have any communication with me and he obeyed her like a puppy. It angered me since he didnt even get along NOT vwen for my kid since he was not allowed to talk to me. His mom also never liked him having anytype of communication with me, prohibited him too. Time passes by and now he is NOT with the wife anymore...His dad who lives in another country comes here and says he wants to straighten things out and wants us to get along and have communication like we´re supposed to and tells his son that what he did to me was wrong and tells me i´m part of the family and blah blah which is nice cuz he made me feel good and like of he was on my side...but problem is that I´m not sure if I´m ready to make nice with the dad of my child since he has done to many things that have hurt me TREMENDOUSLY

and id it wasnt for his dad he would still be in ignorance regarding a lot of things. I dont know if he is truly sorry for anything really. OI cant forget all he has done to me and how much he has ruined my life and my dreams of happyness. His dad wants all of us to be a big happy family and make it right for me, his son and our daughter but dont know if I should give the whole another chance and forgive or still hold grudges since this situation with the dad of myt chold makes me uneasy since I cant forget...what can I do?

Forgot to mention that I wanna move outta the country with my child. The father of my daughter says he wont let me. He instead says that we should all move to Guatemala since his dad is living there, i dont wanna go there. Besides, what would that mean? that we would all be living in the same house?? together? But it broke my hert today when I saw my daughter saying good bye to her dad and begging him to stay since she barely gets to see her...

I have A DAUGHTER, not a son.

Answer 1

It doesn't look to me like you or him want to have a relationship....... i.e. you 2 moving in together or getting married. It looks like HIS FATHER wants you to do that, instead. Why would you want to get into a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't care for you??? You don't love him either....... as they already said, you do need to have a civil relationship with him if you want him to be in your kid's life (and making clear that this is not something he can do on & off, if he chooses to be part of the child's life then he will have to stick to it and not leave again when he finds another woman who won't let him spend time with his kid), but that's it. This relationship isn't meant to be, there aren't feelings between you but a bad story instead. Better to avoid it from happening in the 1st place, than getting a divorce in 1-2 years from now. Just make him part of your child's life if that's what you both want and decide upon, but don't beat a dead horse..... let it go and find someone you can be happy with.


Would you answer my question?

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Thanks....

Answer 2

I have gone through the same thing and you must forgive him for the kids sake, it will make you feel better. someone once told me that holding a grudge for a long time is like being handcuffed to a bench with a couple 100 pounds of weight on it and you trying to carry it. once you forgive and let go of your grudge all that weight is lifted off. you will never forget what he did and you don't have to. but you have to forgive him. if you don't it will only hurt you more and your child more. do what is best for him. tell this guy what you expect out of him and give him a time frame to do it. it will not happen over night. if he does not go through with any of it get him out of your life but keep him in the child's. all children need both parents. i hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 3

uh, you could do this for the sake of your child. imagine how much happiness you could give your child. or you could hold this grudge for dear life and continue to poison yourself and your child against these people.

you are only hurting yourself by doing this. let it go and you will be shocked at the peace and happiness it will give you.

let it go even more for a longer time, be generous and gracious and kind, forgive and !!!!! forget and you will receive blessings from the whole universe. i know that sounds a bit silly but it is true.

you have an opportunity to forgive forget and live your life on a higher plane. i will tell you a secret. peoplle of the very highest class and caliber do something lower class people do not. they do 'not take it personally' that is right. they forgive, forget and MOVE ON. and that is why they have more to show for their lives in terms of health, riches and happiness than people who stay mired in grudges, jealousy, hatred, regret and anger. this is the truth.

the ball is in your court. it is your chance to be a winner.

Answer 4

It's time to think about your child..Yes the man was totally stupid and I think that we all agree on that but your child has the right to know who his dad is and he will make up his mind as to if he wants to have a realtionship with him or not when he gets older but in the mean time you need to let him see his kid and you need to show yourself as being the bigger person, it will teach your child good morals if they see mommy not holding a grudge even though the man did very hurful things to you.

Answer 5

Bury the data in New Jersey. That way, it will be appropriate to the ruling mob, and no person will care. Bury the hatchet in Nevada, close to the atomic attempting out grounds. That way, no person will elect to circulate close to it.

Answer 6

Let your child have a relationship with his dad if the dad wants to. You don't need to have any relationship with the dad except for things in regards to your child. Be positive and honest with your son if he asks you questions.

Answer 7

To be honest, its not about YOU and how you feel about things. Its about your daughter and her relationship with her father. You need to put HER first, whether that means biting your tounge eveytime he ignores you or does something you don't like, or just being nice cause he has decided to to try to be friendly with you. It about HER not YOU, be the bigger person here.

If your talkin about getting back together with him, I would say no, you are so not over what has happened. Don't get back into a relationship with him. Just be friendly for the sake of your daughter.

Answer 8

Do if for your child. They will grow up better with a father in their life. You don't have to like the father. I wouldn't trust him. Just be civil. You will have events in the future (graduations, weddings, grandchildren) when you two can look at each other and say, "Look what we made." and even smile at each other. Good luck.

Answer 9

Ok...by what you have said...it is very wrong for him to have stopped all communication with you..especially because of the child. I think you need to be civil with him because of your child. And when your child gets older...he/she will decide for him/her self if he/she wants to continue a relationship with the father. Most likely if he did this once....it will happen again.

Answer 10

Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't forgive him. How dare him leave you and your child for some hussy! And you are supposed to play nice with him? no way! if he wants to see the child then take him to court and the judge can work that out, but you have to realize what he did to ya'll and I'm sure you do. I would tell his father not to get involved because it makes you look desparate. good luck girl