husband masturbating to internet porn.?

Question

I have made it clear that I do not want him looking at porn but he continues to anyways. The other day I did a system recovery and found a lot of porn that was deleted from the internet history and the week before that we got in a big fight about it. Today I did the same thing and found more..he gives me so many excuses why he does it and tells me all men do. I have told him if he needs to then do it in the shower or another room but I do not want it being done to internet porn. We have sex maybe once a week but he masturbates to porn daily...and i am right next to him in the bed sleeping when he does it because our computer is in our bedroom. He has so many excuses.. He says he likes variety and if he can't do that he might be tempted to cheat in reality..he tells me that he doesn't have the energy to have sex so he masturbates because it's quicker and isn't as much work..and his excuses go on and on..I just don't know what to do..I don't want to throw my marriage away..

Answer 1

okay say to him directly how this effects you and ask him why can't you be the object of his sexual love/lust?

having sex once a week is good, but it's not the reason for him doing this.

try experimenting with sex, make it less predictible, try different positions and if he is too tired then takes turns in being the 'active' one.

if he is turning to porn he is trying to get something different. I do not think he thinks less of you, he just needs a distraction from the porn. maybe a strip tease for him with help him find the energy he supossedly doesn't have.

Guys are very visual. But it's no excuse for him to disrespect you by cheating on you by viewing these images. Tell him this.

and no, not all guys watch porn, that is an excuse he is using no a good enough reason.

One more thing, flirt with him during the day. You will be rewarded eventually. Guys really like to be appriciated and desired by their wives and they enjoy their wives to show them that attention. I know it may be seen as shallow but that's guys for you. Women and men are very different but it isn't an excuse for porn.

Answer 2

The accessiblity of porn is most seductive. It takes a lot more will-power these days to avoid it now that we have the Internet.

There are two recommendations I have to compete against this:
1) Start offering quickies. And don't be pouty or give him guilt trips when he finishes too fast. Learn to finish when he does. Save the special love-making sessions for once or twice a week.

2) Try living up to his fantasy. Allow him to see you in the nude more often. Let him shower with you. Re-invent your sex life by buying some new lingerie, oils, etc.

These can only work if YOU really want more sex from him too. If you've had a habit of shutting him out, then maybe this is why he's resorted to porn.

Answer 3

He is addicted to porn and is acting like a selfish and self-absorbed adolescent. Try installing a filter on the computer in the bedroom. That way at least you will not have to be humiliated by having him do it with you lying right there beside him. That is so sick!

I think I would insist that he seek counseling. If he refuses, leave. He is treating you with a total lack of respect; in fact, this is a form of abuse. I really do not think there is any way you should stay in this marriage unless he breaks this extremely nasty habit.

PS It's not true that all men do this -- only the most selfish, disrespectful, and immature men do.

Answer 4

Ok this isn't right. All men doesn't masturbate to porn and if he is tellin you if he cant do the porn he might be tempted to cheat in reality and sayin he doesnt have the energy to have sex so he masturbates well that doesnt make sense cause if he doesnt have the energy to have sex then why would he think about doing it in reality by cheating. I believe this guy is just turned on to other women but that s my thoughts . Cause he has you why would he cheat if he cant masturbate. He just wants other faces sounds like to me. Thats messed up.

Answer 5

Been there, am still there. I've also been given all the same excuses you have been given. For 7 years. I've tried it all. When I first found out, I thought it was my fault my husband was more attracted to his right hand than to me, an idea he planted I might add. So I tried making myself more sexually available, new positions, wearing every costume, outfit, and/or wig known to man. I've tried being more giving, meaning 'giving' to him without asking for satisfaction in return, being more spontanious, you name it. Everything mentioned in these previous posts, plus a few I won't mention. I work out and take good care of myself. You know what I've learned? It doesn't have a thing to do with me, and I promise your situation doesn't have a thing to do with you. You just have to decide if you can live with him if he chooses not to change. Perhaps he will, someday, make the changes you need, but can you be satisfied with the marriage the way it is if he doesn't?

Answer 6

To be completely honest, from a man's point of view, that is completely normal. All guys masturbate and the more comfortable they are with you -you guys are married- the more often you will notice it. Masturbating without the internet is something a man does if he does not have access to the internet! There is nothing wrong with his habits, but if it bothers you that much try to compromise. Find out what part of it really bothers you -and if its the fact he's watching other girls you really shouldn't worry- and talk to him. Telling him to stop doing it on the computer isn't really going to help anything.

PS. The fact he said it helps him relieve himself and not think about other women isn't necessarily a sign of anything! I used to always tell my girlfriend just that because it was a good excuse. He just needs a good reason you can't debate an he's looking for it, you should really ease up on the guy.

Answer 7

Offer To Get Involved, Be Part Of The Solution And Not The Problem. Good Luck Though, Honestley He'll Grow Out Of It. I Know Its Troubling But At Least He Aint Going Out Behind Your Back.

Answer 8

He watched porn before meeting you and he will continue to watch porn while he is with you. My boyfriend does the same thing, and I realize this and accept it. My only rule for him is that he can't watch porn while I'm around. Maybe make that rule? He won't stop, so you might as well compromise.

Answer 9

You should go on a campaign of masturbating to porn twice as hard as he does. Tie up the computer so much with your own masturbating that it will force a change in his behavior pattern. Watch all sorts of videos of black men with huge penises going to work on women. That's the best advice I can offer. Sometimes you have to hit below the belt to win a fight.

Answer 10

don't feel alone in this many women feel as you do. my husband watches porn and does the m word but he is very private about it and says sometimes its just a good stress reliever. and i have to confess i enjoy my shower head. i feel very loose and relaxed after wards. its a my time thing. and pornography is just the tool for the achievement for him. don't feel that he enjoys them over you. cause its just not true. masturbation and lovemaking r totally different. one has nothing to to with the other unless its part of lovemaking some men and women become very aroused by watching their partner "touch themselves". but i do agree that doing it with you right there in a non participating way is inconsiderate. and you should defiantly talk this one over. good luck resolving your problem.