I've spent most of my life alone. Since my Dad died and my Mom walked out on me shortly after about 13 years ago I've had to work all the time just to keep my head above water. Now I've realized that being alone all these years has crippled me socially. I have trouble dealing with people or understanding their motives. I don't think I have a response to everyday social situations that a normal person would call normal. I know it's the reason why women hate me and I do poorly with people at work. I've tried to adjust my approach but I always just get annoyed with people in the end. I really just don't know what to do anymore and I'm getting sick of having to be recluse. I feel like 13 years in exhale is payment enough and it's time I meet someone that could make me happy. How can I go about doing this?
2007-11-05 12:50:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Well, I know the feeling of being alone. Don't even think you're the only one. Even experts on human nature have trouble in this area (I'm still the #10 answerer in Singles and Dating, though I haven't answered questions there in quite some time).
Here are some observations that may be useful to you:
1) You probably understand the motives of others on some level. Though you might not be a smooth operator, you CAN tell when someone likes you by the way they act around you. If they enjoy hanging out with you, that's a good sign.
2) It is very difficult to meet potential mates when you're busy. Meeting people requires time and resources, so unless you're some kind of male model you're not likely to get very far until you get your life settled a bit. To give you an example, I'm kinda having that problem right now. I'm a college student, and I don't have a car. Furthermore, I'm a math/computer science major and there are very few girls enrolled in my classes. So to meet people I'd have to go out, and I'm too busy for that most of the time.
3) The best way to get to be socially skilled is to practice. Make some time to go out to places where you can have fun doing things you like to do (preferably things that girls are likely to do too). Join a club, volunteer for a charity you like, take a class, etc. Those are some of the best places to meet girls.
4) Try not to let your depression rule your personality. Nobody likes to hang out with negative people. It sometimes bothers me when people declare that there is something wrong with them. I mean, even if there is, you don't want that to become part of the way you identify yourself. You will learn through experience.
Good luck!
Oh yeah, about those who say that nobody can make one happy but one's self . . . that has some truth to it. But I think loneliness is something like an instinct, like hunger or thirst. Even if all is well in one's life, if one lacks companionship, the aching for love can be very, ummm . . . , distracting and uncomfortable. That, combined with the uncertainty and insecurity of not even being able to find anyone interested in one romantically (not even unsuitable people), can create anxiety that makes the situation seem dire. People who are experienced in romance seem to suffer less from that kind of anxiety because they have more confidence that they could find someone if they wanted. At least that's my take on it.
Good night!
2007-11-05 13:21:32 · answer #1 · answered by anonymous 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can make you happy. You either are or you aren't. Happiness is a conscious choice. There is no deal with women. You need to develop friendships and personal relationships with those around you. Even the people you think you don't like or that annoy you. No one is perfect. I'm sure you annoy plenty of people. Learn to censor yourself in relationships. If you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. You will be much more pleasant to have around. Consider other people. Don't be so self centered. Learn. Ask questions. You are off to a good start. I met my husband on Match.com. Check it out it's fun. Find a friend. Find out who you are and what you like.
Good luck.
2007-11-05 21:19:49 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to become a more confident person. I would date any guy that I thought really cared for me and I thought was interesting. Looks are not as important as your personality. I would suggest that you become passionate about something. Whether it is sports, education, computers etc... it will make you an interesting person and will allow for you to speak to women about that subject easier... Perhaps you have a male friend that has a girlfriend that would set you up with one of her friends (just ask him to ask his girl). Seriously, girls love to set people up...Try to find someone at work....Once a week go sit at places that you know women will be at library, bar, etc...
2007-11-05 20:59:19 · answer #3 · answered by smartass23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should download yahoo messenger it takes the pressure of talking to ppl alot easier and u can just keep chatting until u find someone u really feel like u connect with, also u could try a dating website if your comfortable enough with that.
2007-11-05 20:59:11 · answer #4 · answered by crystalbbl143 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to a bar and find a drunk chick
2007-11-05 20:57:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋