Do I have to attend christmas eve dinner at my boyfriends parents?

Question

I've been to his parents the last 4 years and I did not have a good time. Last year was ok because his brother brought his gf so I had someone to talk to but he's single again. I don't feel comfortable around his family and his Mom and I have maybe spoken 5 times in 4 years and that consisted of hello and goodbye. His entire family has a huge attitude problem (I'm begining to think they aren't his real family because he's nothing like them) They don't drink either so I can't even entertain myself with drinking.

I know my bf will be hurt and will put up a fuss but those 3 hours are torture. I feel like an outcast or something when I'm there. My bf is very sociable with everyone and I don't want to follow him around like a puppy dog so I just sit on the couch and stare at the tv that has the volume turned off but is showing The Christmas Story. Is it really that bad if I skip this year?

I'd rather just stay home and finish wrapping gifts and watch Elf.

Answer 1

well since you've been at his parents for the last 4 years then he should be able to understand that you want to do something else. Why not have a romantic dinner, with just the two of you?
He should understand since you're not comfortable being at his parents place

Answer 2

I agree with several of the people. While normally if you'd been in the relationship a few months, even maybe a year or so, there really wouldn't be the expectation of you showing up. However after four years of being together, couples are definitely viewed as more long term and if you ever intend on marrying this man, his family comes with the package. It is the proper thing to do to simply go and make the best of it. If after four years, you can't find anything to talk to them about, it doesn't sound like you've put any effort into making it better for yourself.

Answer 3

Sit down and tell him what you said here. If he loves you, he will respect you and that you aren't comfortable around his family. Why not invite him to spend Christmas eve dinner with your family this year? Or spend the holiday with just him. A relationship is about give and take and it sounds like you're doing all the giving.

However if you do intend to spend the rest of your lives together, you will have to spend time around his family. But by that time, you can have your own traditions created and spend Christmas in your own home and have your families visit if they so choose.

Answer 4

OMG!

This is a flash back from hell. I know exactly what you're going through because I WAS in the situation about 2 years ago. I hated going to my X's family gatherings because they were so clicky. My X Boyfriend would go and mingo with everyone and he would leave me talking to his mother and his aunts who were all old fashion and just flat out weird.

My family is far from conservative.Our holidays consist of music drinks and food. Their holidays consisted of who had what,who lived where and what car they drove. I hated them ... all of them ... Surprisngly I stayed with him for 5 years and on the fourth year I started to do my own thing. I would let him know ahead of time that I had plans for any upcoming holidays (like months in advance)

I recommend you stay home and just chillout. Watch some good movies and see if you could convince him to do the same ..

Maybe you could brib him ...by planning a wonderful romantic evening filled with romance, gifts and lust ... that should keep him home :)

good luck ...

oh yes .. and to answer your question... No I don't think it's bad if you skip one year .. just try to attend the next holiday

Answer 5

If you have been to his place 4 years in a row, it is time to switch the pecking order and go to your folks place this year. When I was dating, we alternated. Even after marriage, we alternated. The trade off was, wherever Thanksgiving was spent, Christmas was at the other place. The order switched year after year with exceptions for various reasons.

That being said, what are you going to do when he puts a ring on your finger? Hate your in laws?

I suggest you read up on interpersonal communications and build some people skills. 3 hours is nothing with a house load of people and you spend 30 minutes chowing on food.

Go up to everybody and get them to talk about themselves.

Ask them what their favorite Christmas memory is. How about their favorite Christmas Carol.

Ask them questions and the time will pass. Otherwise, sit down in a chair in the corner and watch what is going on and contemplate the meaning of life.

Answer 6

I don't think it is wrong. A good relationship is give and take. Tell him that you want to spend Christmas Eve with him, or your family, and next year you can go back to his parents. Just explain that you really want to spend some time alone, and he should understand. If he puts up a fight, maybe you could just go for an hour, and then leave, or have another prearranged event that you have to go to, but your boyfriend can stay? Tell them you are going to church- it's hard to say no to that. Good luck!

Answer 7

I totally understand how you feel! It was like that with my ex's family - I really didn't like them and the feeling was mutual, but of course I had to put on a good face.

But that said, personally I think you should go. Being in a relationship means that sometimes you have to sacrifice things and do stuff you don't really want to do. I know it sucks but maybe you could try harder to find something to talk about with your bf's parents. Or, get your bf to talk to his parents about the situation and maybe they'll try harder.

It's only three hours and they go by quickly. I would go and put on a good face for your bf's sake.

Answer 8

you've given it four years so i guess it's no unreasonable to duck out now. It could however make things difficult for you BF if he has to cover for you. It could seem like your snubbing them and they'll be less than palitable in the future if they even suspect this...

It's three hours, if it's THAT important to your BF i'd do it... If you talk with him, and it's not as important as we may think, then perhaps a night alone with elf would be fine...

i understand where your coming from, i don't envy you, what a waste of such a great night...

Answer 9

I wouldn't want to go either but think about this...

Are you wanting to marry him in the future? If so, you need to find a middle ground with the family or you are going to be miserable forever! Is there some way to try and get to know them? To break the ice? These are the people you will be stuck with (and the future grandparents of your children together!!!)

Answer 10

Make some Christmas eve arrangements with family/friends of your own. He has no reason to make a fuss - you are not joined at the hip, and you have attended the previous parties.