Everyone of us has to go to school. We spend there our youth. We shape in school our personality by meeting different people. All of this people have a big influence on us. However, does school prepare us for life in the real world ?
On the one hand, we learn at/in school many things, which we won't need in future. For example mathematical equatations. Furthermore, we learn at/in school more theory than practical things. It's not enough time to conduct chemical experiments. Also it doesn't learn us responsibility, that we can always ask our teachers for help. It learns us that we always find needed help and that's not true in real world. We must to know that sometimes we have to be able to fend for oneself/ourself?/us?. Moreover at school we don't exactly bear consequences of our behaviour. We aren't of legal age, so our parents account for us.
(the rest in second question :)
2007-11-05 10:29:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Everyone of us has to go to school, we spend our youth there and shape our personalities by meeting different people. All of these people have a big influence on us.
However, does school prepare us for life in the real world?
On the one hand, we learn at school many things which we won't need in the future. For example, mathematical equations. Furthermore, we learn in school more theory than practical things. There is not enough time to conduct chemistry experiments.
We do not learn responsibility, as we can always ask our teachers for help. This teaches us that we will always find help when needed and that is not true in the real world. We must know that sometimes we have to be able to fend for ourselves.
Moreover, at school, we do not bear the full consequences of our behaviour. We are not of legal age, so our parents account for us.
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I have made changes here and in a similar way to on your other question.
I have to say in general, I think you are missing some of the points of a good essay.
Your conclusion (In the other question) does not sum up the content of your essay. I think the main view you give in your essay is that it isn't the subjects we study that are important in school, but the transferable skills we learn, such as discipline and teamwork. This would be a good thing to say in your conclusion, but IMO, you should not say "We must remember that our family shapes our behaviour the most" as you have not backed this up with evidence in the rest of the essay.
Be careful when you are writing that you know if you are writing about a single thing, or many things. For example, "our personality" would be better written "our personalities" as every person has their own personality!
Shortening words, such as "I don't" instead of "I do not" is too informal for an essay, don't do it! You will lose marks.
Overall not bad essay, especially if you are learning English as a foreign language. I would give you a C+ or a B, depending on your level. Don't expect an A++ like some people are telling you.
Would be great to hear how you get on!
2007-11-05 11:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you asking us to correct it?
"Everyone of us has to go to school. We spend our youth there. We shape in school our personality by meeting different people. All of these people have a big influence on us. However, does school prepare us for life in the real world ?
On the one hand, we learn many things in school, which we won't need in future. For example mathematical equitation's. Furthermore, we learn more in school about theory than practical things. It's not enough time to conduct chemical experiments. Also it doesn't teach us responsibility, that we can always ask our teachers for help. It teaches us that we always find needed help, and that's not true, in real world. We must to know that sometimes we have to be able to fend for oneself/ ourselves/ us?. Moreover at school we don't exactly bear consequences of our behavior. We aren't of legal age, so our parents account for us."
That is really good... I give you a A++
(sorry about the coping I saw some really bad grammer in there and corrected that)
2007-11-05 10:43:30 · answer #2 · answered by n o r a ☼ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Learn us responsibility" "learn us"? Purlease.....Surely you mean TEACH! If you have yet to grasp grammatical English you need to be there! In "real world" we all seek and ask for help for petes sake! "All of this people"? Where are you studying? Hope it's free or I would demand a refund. At school you SHOULD bear the consequences of your behaviour, your parents are there to raise you not account for you. You owe that to yourself, so study hard and study well, what the Dickens has your question got to do about an essay? Sorry I did not read your second question, the first said more than enough. Back to the drawing board for you my dear.
2007-11-05 10:50:48 · answer #3 · answered by Willow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each youth in the US is required to go to school until the age of 16. We spend most of our time as children in school. Our personalities are shaped in school, as we meet different people and encounter new ideas. (either fix or delete "all of this people" sentence- that's not even close to being grammatically correct).
On the one hand, we learn many things in school which we won't need in the future, (unless we're helping kids with their homework on Yahoo Answers. ;) ) such as algebra equations and chemistry. (Don't use "at/in"- just stick with "in"). Most of what we learn in school is theory, not practical things which apply to daily life.
It doesn't TEACH us (NOT: "it doesn't 'learn' us!!!!!!!!!) responsibility, as we can always ask the teachers for help. It teaches us (not "it learns us")..... fend for ourselves.
....bear THE consequences (not bear consequences).
2007-11-05 10:42:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We spend our youth there. We shape our personality in school. .... all of these people. many thing which we won't need in future, for example mathematical equations. It doesn't teach us responsibilty, because we can... It teaches us that we always find.... We must know......fend for ourselves. parents are accountable for us. hope this helps.
2007-11-05 10:37:53 · answer #5 · answered by SKCave 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey hon. life is a learning process you made the first step by caring, and you are aware of the fact that there are concequences for our actions..........you doing ok and have restored my faith in next generation, have fun while you learn and may you contrinue to grow and enjoy the experience
2007-11-05 10:44:04 · answer #6 · answered by JOHN N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really cool how u r going starting it
.:PostData:.
Help With My Essay PLZ!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071105153038AA7edd9&pa=FYd1D2bwHTHwLb5lFO8_QvNspAoCBSr9YsNk5Ff7_IDrng--&paid=asked&msgr_status=
BYE
2007-11-05 10:32:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is that the essay? its pretty brief, but you've raised some good points
2007-11-05 10:35:05 · answer #8 · answered by i am jacks fingers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋