I need honest, intelligent opinions as I want to do the right thing. Here is the story. My ex husband and I own a home together and when him and I decided the marriage was over, divorced but we continued to be roommates for at least 8 years, he having his own room, and me having mine. This situation worked out great for the both of us and made our financial situation easier than living apart. Then came the day I met and married my current husband who lives in another state. My ex husband is happy that I have found such a great guy and he is willing to move out on his own as he is unable to afford the mortgage payment on our home. This will give my new husband time to sell his property, move out to where I am, get a job, then me and my new husband can look for our own home, sell the home me and my ex husband own and I will then be able to give my ex husband's half of the proceeds from the sale of the home we own together. Does this sound selfish on my part?
2007-11-05 09:03:35 · 15 answers · asked by pictureshygirl 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I ask this question because I am getting feed back from some family members that give their opinion. They make it sound as if I am throwing my ex husband out so that my new husband can move in. This is hurtful to me, me and my ex husband have discussed this and he says to not listen to rumors, that this is between him and I , this works for us and it is no ones business. But still my conscience bothers me and I do want to do the right moral thing. Any opinions, please serious answers only.
2007-11-05 09:05:31 · update #1
You guys are acting pretty great in my opinion. You are now transitioning and the important thing here is your ex HAS to go. Again, it sounds like you are being very sensitive of him and he is OK with what is going on. I am amazed. Don't let others mess it up. You are not being selfish. He had his chance, you need to move and feel good about it, because you have been a doll to him.
2007-11-05 09:09:44 · answer #1 · answered by Brain 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't see why this is selfish. Your ex seems happy. Are you sure that your ex is indeed happy? I mean, after you guys split up, you still lived in the same house together. He could have still have those feelings even though you both split up because you lived together in the same house for so long.
What about your current husband? How does he feel? Going from what you wrote, it doesn't seem like it is selfish. I don't see hoe you are replacing one man for another. You have a NEW husband now. Just because you lived with your ex for 8 years doesn't mean that you two were still together. I mean, unless you guys acted like a married couple even after you got a divorce.
2007-11-05 09:14:24 · answer #2 · answered by moon&stars 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, It sounds like you and your ex are very mature. However, I think it makes more sense if you move out and find a place for you and your new husband. Can your ex husband buy you out? Or maybe you and your new husband can buy your ex out. In an event it isn't any ones business but yours.
2007-11-05 09:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by Dave G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you covered your moral issued thoroughly....the 'deal' you made originally was with your ex-husband. It was more of a financial arrangement than anything else (at least according to your description). So, you discussed it with him and he says he is fine with it, to the point that he even tells you not to worry about what some of your family members are saying. So if they bring it up again, you just tell them, "Bob" and I have ironed this whole thing out and he has no problem with it, therefore you shouldn't either.
2007-11-05 09:28:48 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't bother about what people or relatives have to say. You have an excellent plan and your ex seems to understand and support that as well. Good luck with the sale of your home and with your married life. May God bless you.
2007-11-05 12:29:42 · answer #5 · answered by dana l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've both been paying then you both deserve 50% of the equity. So if you keep the house, you pay him 50% of the equity in the home and send him on his way. Do this through the courts this way he is protected...If you stop paying you will be held in contempt and he can get the house back to pay so you not paying doesn't ruin his credit. Or you can refinance, paying him 50% equity. Or you can sell, each of you getting 50% of the sale.
2007-11-05 09:10:06 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best solution is to sell the property for now,move in to temporary place.You and your ex need to move to a new place to make a new start.There is always a chance that your new husband may find it difficult to adjust in a new state.Everything is rosey from a distance, so you must be careful in making your decisions.good luck.
2007-11-05 10:26:58 · answer #7 · answered by steve p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not see selfish in any part of that story...you do what you think is right and what your ex is alright with...that's all that matters.. I think you are very mature to be able to have a relationship with your ex the way you do...Good Luck to you
2007-11-05 09:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is between the two you and if he doesn't have a problem with it, then your ok. You already mentioned he wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage on his own.
2007-11-05 09:08:46 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like a great idea
2007-11-05 09:07:29 · answer #10 · answered by LivingMyLife 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋