Ive missed out and I'm still being denied the happiness & fullfillment that i see others delight in around me

Question

im 30 with borderline personality disorder, ive never been employed, dropped out of high school through bullying, never made friends, never been in a relationship, never gained qualifications or had any nice times in life.
i live alone in a one bedroom flat.
i feel like im being denied what others have..a good job..a direction..fullfillment..a pretty girlfriend..security..happiness.

i want all those things, ive never had but most of all i want to leave the uk.....move abroad...far away outside europe.....a fresh start...a new beggining.
i want to live in a small little desert town with few populace...the odd pepsi machine outside the dimly lit saloons....a loving partner...a secure home...couple of friends....a good job.
these are my dreams...my desires.. my hopes..my needs...
but paranoia is making me think other people are controlling my life...stopping me from achieving those things.

all my internet friends 1 or 2 have rejected me, im lonely, no direction

plus how can i reach those things in the circumstances im in?
mental health record...mental health problems...no employment
history.
in a one bedroom flat on welfare at 30?

this is why im despairing.
ive aged badly in my face

Answer 1

make plan , start planing what u want to do in life to make u happy , if u have a book go and write your goal in life and what can make u happy and after that , make some action , because action will help u .

Answer 2

Start making plans. Can you get on meds for paranoia? What kind of job would you like to do? Can you do it in a small town? Do have relative or other connections that can help you move? Write things downs so you can better see the possibilities. Good luck.

Answer 3

Your problem is that you are too focused on everybody else but yourself, if you put all that energy into creating a more positive outlook for yourself instead of wishing what other people have you might just do it. I don't have the link but look in moviesfoundonline.com under documentaries in religion/spitiuality and find The Secret, it is sure to give you a more positive outlook on life! It has great tips on how to improve your life!
Good Luck!