We have taken in a 15 year old girl who is in need of a lot of help. Because of her past family life she is a master at manipulation, and a practiced liar too. She has a way of saying things that are believable, one of the is "Everyone can tell when I lie, so I don't do it!!"
I work extra hard at letting her know that she doesn't have to lie to me, I am not the type of person who flips out and yells my head off!
I want her to know that each lie is making it harder to trust her.
I know that people can't change over night, I need suggestions on how to go about getting to know the REAL HER, and helping that person, not the many that she shows at will! She is just too good!
She is failing school, and no matter how much time I spend with her at home, she still takes advantage of the extra time to be be lazy. SO all of my efforts are lost!
I am desperate to help her become a healthy young adult who will have a chance in this cruel world.
2007-11-05 07:44:55 · 6 answers · asked by Tonia M 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She is a loving child who had the unfortunate experience of being neglected. I am MAD at her parents. Her father calls her often enough, her mother hardly ever!!
She asked me if we can adopt her, she thought we could go to the court house and sign a paper saying she was ours!!
She is definitely better off now, I really appreciate all the help you guys can deliver!!
Thank you!
2007-11-05 08:09:59 · update #1
With a young person of such a background, it may take a couple of years to convince her - that you're sticking around, through thick and thin, to help her and be a family to her. It is not an overnight experience, and hopefully, not more than you bargained for? To date, she is a product of what she has known, and clearly, it hasn't been very good. So believe me when I say, its going to take SOME time...a year or more, at least, to help set her on the right path. It's also, all about the teen years - which often, are the all-about-me years. Show her volunteerism in helping others LESS fortunate than her...This will ALLOW her to SEE for herself, how rough it is for others. Get her involved in 4H, taking care of something other than herself that depends ON HER (even a chicken! or a rabbit!).
Goodluck...geez, it can't be easy, I applaud you - I would have never done it after having my own teen to cope with. But I sure admire YOU for doing this and I wish you the BEST of luck...They do have a tendency to turn out in spite of us (-or, because of us?) if you continue to love, support and be a mentor and listener.
Grace
2007-11-05 07:52:05 · answer #1 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first, dont EVER give up on her, from the story, it sounds like everyone else has. she probably hasn't been loved in a really long time, so she really needs a family that loves her. Make sure she knows that you care about her, but dont always be looking over her shoulder and asking what she's doing, just check in from time to time. sit her down and tell her her freedoms that she has, and let her know the boundaries. then tell her that youre willing to help her with anything, and you want to see her succeed in life. her grades might be dropping because its hard for her to focus. get her involved in extra curricular activities (of her choice) so she can get some energy out, and have some fun. then, just be ther for her. if she ever needs to talk, always let her know that your there, and if she tells you about a guy at school, have fun with it! dont worry about her too much, because if she thinks you dont trust her, she wont even try to gain your trust back. take her out for ice cream with her friends or something, even get involved in their conversations if they let you. i hope things get better!!!
2007-11-05 15:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by jaci 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
at the first outset i saluteu for being a great person. I think u r facing a real difficult challenge. patience is the key here. dont talk about her lies all the times.children dont like to hear about same things again and again dont talk about it at least for a week. but record the lies in a diary call her up one day and handover the diaries of lies to her talk to her humbly and ask her to help u in helping her. it be in her intrest only. if she doent understand call a profession physologist.
2007-11-05 15:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by sandeep j 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you'll have to earn trust. the lies stop when the trust begins. usually. take the kid out and play pool or go to a movie. maybe grab a meal. do something she'd want do to. teens are like 2 year olds sometimes. they're hard headed. don't let her seem like a burden.
2007-11-05 15:52:52 · answer #4 · answered by Touchdown 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just ask her how hobos and people living on the streets got to be where they are now.
i had that problem (bad grades) but realized that people who make something out of themselves have to try hard and be serious about it.
if you just say that she wont be able to get anywhere in life ,but not freak out at her, then she'll realize what she should do.
my parents freaked out at me and it didn't make me any better- it only made me want to kill them or kill myself.
i have passing grades now and no suicidal thoughts either.
2007-11-05 19:48:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about tough love? Some people need that you know.
2007-11-05 15:50:43 · answer #6 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋