Stepsons' mother interfering with my marriage. Help!?

Question

I am recently married to the man of my dreams and his ex-wife and mother to my step-sons does nothing but interfere in our relationship. She is always calling making up any excuse to talk to my husband. I know what most of you are going to say...they have kids together. I am well aware of that. But she doesnt call to talk about the kids...I feel like she just calls to lisen to the sound of his voice. Even at our kids school events, she bumps my arm on purpose. Mind you, she is also 10 years older than me and should know better, but I take the upper hand and ignore it. She is re-married and just had a baby...how can I get her to move on or just focus on the kids.
Oh yea, and the youngest asked me the other day what it meant when someone calls me a "b*tch".

Answer 1

Okay, I had to deal with kind of the same thing. My husband had to take the ball in his court and here's what he did. He made it clear that she was not to call unless it was specifically regarding an issue with the child. If she called and it was stupid he would end the call. That didn't always work, she we got that special phone ring thing on our phone. I don't remember what it's called. The phone company assigns a special number to your home phone, other people don't know it though. It rings on your main phone, but the ring is different so that you know whose calling. That way when she called, you could let it go straight to voice mail. It was a nice way to live. Then when my step daughter graduated from high school she was told that she was not allowed to call us ever again. My step daughter is an adult, call her on her cell phone. Funny thing is my step daughter doesn't answer her calls either. lol. Never bad mouth this woman to her children. Ever. I'm not saying you are, this is free advice that you didn't ask for. My step daughter realized how nuts her mom was and left her to move in with us when she was 14. We made the conscious decision to never bad mouth her mom, talk about legal stuff, child support or anything in front of her. Her mother bad mouthed us, especially me ALL of her life and guess what? She's now with me. She hates how her mom talks about us and has said to me that she is very thankful that we never bad mouthed her mom or her 1/2 brother. The high road paid off my friend. Beware, it sucks having the ex in your life and she is forever in your life. Forever. And it sucks. I can't stand my step daughters mom and have already told her I'll gladly pay for her to elope because I can't deal with her mom and a wedding. Life sucks with this woman and I've been in therapy over it. This life with your husband will not get easier my friend, it will get tougher. So you two stay close to each other and promise to honor each other always. Good luck.

Answer 2

Hoo-boy! This is a good one!

Have you discussed this with your husband? How does HE feel about her calling all the time?

I'll tell you how I handled a similar situation. Only difference was that my fiance's ex kept calling him, even at work. He's a nice guy, and even though she put him thru hell (she cheated a number of times in their marriage), he's not the type to be hurtful to others. We discussed it, and he really didn't want her to call him any more. They had no children, so there was no excuse other than she just wanted to cause trouble.

I just very nicely told him that if HE didn't want to handle her, I would. But he wouldn't like the way I handled it.

That did the trick. He flat told her their relationship was over, she had no reason to call him, and for her not to call again. And she NEVER did again.

That did the trick for us. However, since you have stepkids, there will be times he will have to talk with her. He just needs to tell her that if it doesn't concern the kids, she doesn't need to call. Period. About the name calling, I'd ignore that. She's jealous, and being childish. The next time your stepson asks, I'd just tell him that it's name-calling, and that's not a nice thing to do. Calling people names is hurtful and a bad thing to do, and leave it at that. He'll get the picture.

If your husband can't handle the ex, just tell him YOU would be glad to handle it for him, but he might not like the way you handle it.

That should do the trick. Just the unknown about how you might handle it should put him in gear.

Good luck!

Answer 3

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Answer 4

You should have a talk with your husband and let him know that you are uncomfortable with her behavior. He should tell her that she is not to call unless it has to do with the children directly and that she needs to watch her language around her children. It's no guarantee that she will grow up once she is called out on her behavior but it's worth a try. Good luck.

Answer 5

Maybe you should start flirting with her husband. LOL. She's being immature. Ignore her. Just make your husband the happiest man in the world. That's the best revenge.

Answer 6

This really comes down to how your husband reacts. I was in his shoes and mostly unaware of how my ex was playing a very similar game. She is insecure and needs the reassurance of many men. Once my wife was able to help me see this (not by brow beating me but just pointing things out), I cut it apart. He needs to focus on communication involving the kids and move past the buddy situation. If he does it, she will be unable to keep playing games. You changing her is unlikely. Best of luck.

Answer 7

She is jealous...you are married to a man she once (and may still) loved...you are also providing parenting (in some way) to her child...you are doing the right thing IGNORING her...don't let her know it bothers you in the least....just make your husband remembers that he is married to you..he should not be entertaining her advances whatsoever!

Answer 8

uh oh, mo baby mama drama!
Always ignore crazy people...plain and simple. Don't give them the satisfaction and they'll eventually move on to someone who will.

Answer 9

Welcome to being wife #2...........#1 will always come first!! That's the law of nature....doubt me go ahead but I am telling you she will always have a part of him that you will never see and no matter how much you rant and rave he is not going to change his relationship with her, if anything once you get past the "honeymoon" phase of your marriage his bond with her will strengthen every time you b*tch about it. My ex husband and I are closer than ever thanks to his insecure selfish girlfriend who thinks onlly of herself and not our children. She is the EX, what the heck do you have to be jealous of? And are you a b*tch? Maybe that's why she called you that, ever think of that? I am sure you are not as innocent as you make your post sound, probably the "other women" if I had to guess!

Answer 10

You CHOSE to marry a man who came with baggage. You don't get to dictate the choices of other people...only your own.