descriptive writing- how can i improve this sentence?

Question

what do you think : The sound of seagulls laughter can be heard every now and then over the gentle whooshing of the shore.

how does it sound?

woops i meant to type surf, not shore

plumbhead - i never went to college, im only in 3rd year!

Answer 1

it sounds like you have never heard either seagulls or the sea.
The gulls don't laugh and waves don't whoosh.

Answer 2

Not bad. Shores do not whoosh, however. Waves might, since they move and produce the sound involved...

So, the main thing you want noticed in a sentence however many parts it has. is what matters most.

Generally, it needs to be first, last, last in a clause, first in an apposite or modifying clause--in other words, set up for special notice.

First--Seagulls' laughter--the sound can be heard, only now and then, over the sound of waves whooshing over the shore...

At the start of clause two: The sound can be heard only now and then, seagulls' laughter, over the noise of waves whoosing onto the shore...

Last--The sound can be heard only now and then--over the waves whoosing onto the shore--seagulls' laughter....

Hope that helps.

Always dfigre out the reality details of what you're saying; then figure out what you want to gie the most notice to.

Answer 3

The sound of seagulls laughter can occasionally be heard over the gentle whooshing of the waves on the shore.
With editing it is best to over write the piece and then cut it down but keep the same sense this sharpens the piece and makes it more readable

Answer 4

It would go better like this:
The sound of seagulls' laughter can be heard occasionally above the whooshing of the waves against the shore..

"Whooshing" and "gentle" don't really mix..

Answer 5

The sound of the delicate seagulls loving and charming laughter can be heard every now and then over the gentle and soft wooshes of the blue, sparkly shore.

Answer 6

The sound of seagulls calling (not laughter seagulls make an awful noise!) can be heard occasionally over the gentle lapping of the waves on the beach/sand.
Or: Occasionally the sound of seagulls calling can be heard over the gentle lapping of the waves. (no need for shore)

Answer 7

I think that it is a very good sentence, especially for a 3rd year.

"Every now and then I heard the sound of seagulls' laughter over the crashing waves and the whooshing of the surf."

Your sentence is passive (that means that your main verb has no real subject... "heard" who heard it? We don't know.)

Your sentence structure was a llittle awkward. And I think that you should choose a different word for whoosing....

And please don't forget the apostrophe ' after seagulls... it's their laughter--- the belongs to them.

Good luck! Good work.

Answer 8

Every now and then, the sound of seagulls laughter can be heard over the gentle ebb & flowing of the shore.

Whooshing isn't a word.
Its not in the dictionary anyway.

Answer 9

The occasional laughter of the seagulls could be heard amongst the surging waves greeting the shore.

Laughter is very acceptable in poetic prose.

Answer 10

Every now and then seagulls cries echoed above the gentle ebb of sea against the shore.

Answer 11

Your problem is you're trying to describe something that's irrelevant. The most important thing in this sentence is the seagulls' sound that can be heard, emphasize on the sound they make, rather than the shore. If you want to talk about the shore then describe that first.
I'll give you a couple of examples:

"The echoing sound of seagulls flying low over the shore can (still) be heard every now and then. They laugh like Hyenas, scavenging for their day's feed."

"The shore's waves crash together, disturbing the seagulls flying low above them."

..And if you wanna get really fancy...

"The seagulls swoop low above the ocean, laughing at it's expense. They squawk in high-pitched tones, like Hyenas eying their feast. The ocean yet, stays calm, unknowing of another creature's troubles."