BF wants to "sow wild oats", can this be a phase?`?

Question

My boyfriend (23y/o) and I (26 y/o) have been together for about 2 1/2 years, and we've lived together for over a year. For the last week and a half or so he hasn't really had sexual desire for me. We used to love having sex and were intimate often, and I know he was happy with me as a lover. He says he loves me very much, but he nervous about our level of commitment and is starting to panic about being with the same woman forever.

Do all guys go through this phase? Do guys get over this? Is the only way for him to get over it to get back on the field? Please don't just respond with a standard "dump him" response; I'd like to hear stories about other couples who went through this and how it turned out.

I just want to add that if he chooses the "oats" route, its over completely, entirely and forever. I think women who let their men wander around while keeping some "maybe" door open don't value themselves. i don't want to play games, I just want him to be able to either happily commit or realize he can't, but no in-between.

And this isn't about sex for me, its about emotional closeness, so the prospect of running off to a new lover isn't exciting for me.

Answer 1

i think every couple go through this phase.
i mean everybody wanna see what is out there, or is anythin better than this?
but the important thing is, try to spice your sex life, and do not just give up on him :)
if he is good for you, he'll go through this phase, and you guys will be a OK :)

Answer 2

My ex went through this kinda phase and trust me it will only end badly. If he really truely loved you then he wouldn't be thinking negative about being with the same women forever.. he would embrace that fact.

Your bf is just looking for a way out of this relationship. Trust me any male that says that or wants to sow his wild oats wants the best of both worlds. Wants to screw around but know that if things don't work out he can always run back to you. I have never seen a man say that and get over that phase..

Honestly, and he comes the standard response, he don't deserve you

Answer 3

No this is pretty much how men are, They get bored they want lots of flavors A man never just goes cold turkey and not have sex he's most like getting it from else where..Dont try to push if he wants to get back out there let him U never want to beg a man to stay if he's not happy. Let him go sow those oats while he's gone you might just meet Mr Right that wants to be with the same woman forever. at 23 he's not ready your 26 but 35 in the mind you know what u want he's not there yet

Answer 4

Yes, this is a phase. But it may last months or even years. He's still pretty young and has a lot of life to experience.

I hate to fall back on a cliche, but if you love him, you may have to let him go for awhile and see if he comes back to you. Stay calm and try to understand it from his perspective, but also make your needs clear as well. Be honest that you care for him and are happy with your level of commitment. Tell him that if he needs to "sow his oats", you understand, but you can't sow them and have you at the same time.
Tell him that if he feels he needs to break up with you and date other women to see what's out there, then you won't hold it against him - but you also won't wait for him, and you'll be dating other men as well, and can't guarantee that you'll still be available when he's ready to settle down.

This strategy gives him freedom while at the same time reminding him of what he might lose, and usually that is enough to calm a lot of his anxiety.

Answer 5

my view that he is too young for any serious commitment and he haven't really mature for one. For most guys they do when they think they're so much in love with a girl at a young age. Even at 20 1/2yrs some males haven't figure out what they wanted in life, to them its parting and dating. For you at 23 1/2 you I would guess that you have petty much settle into what you want in life.

Do guys get over this? Some do and some don't. Even if he does return to the field of dating, its not going to guarantee he got it out of his system. Every one reach their mature level at different peak in life, also it have part of their up bring as well. The out come of someone return after they sow their oats is not a good one. While they're out there and what will you do? Sit around and not enjoy your life while he running wild in the field? How long are you going to give him to sow his wild oats, lady? Will you take him back if those oats of his turn into wheat? Now, you dream of having a family with him have some gray clouds cover your picture. What if he dont want any kids, then what will you do? Now, you're going to be tick off because you have waited for so long (3 yrs would make you 29 to 6 would make you 33yrs) and then you have to go throught the some thing you went throught when you set him free (another heart ache). ...the choice is yours and the odds are not in your favor...thats life

Answer 6

One of my friends is going through the exact thing except they were married for one year when he decided that he felt trapt and pushed into the wedding. The truth was that he was getting attention from another women and he thought the grass was greener on the other side. Which he come to find out that it wasnt (It never is). Which they have been seperated for a year and now he wants her back. She is still going back and forth about what she should do? Trust him or not? She loves him and they do make a great couple. But to answer your question - I think that most guys go through that phase and if it is meant to be then you guys will be together. Of course you cant put your life on hold forever but in time he should come around. Just make sure that he is honest with you and dont go behind your back to "test the relationship". Good luck, I hope you get some answers your looking for.

Answer 7

If he isnt having sex with you especially at your young ages where it is normal to do it 4,5,6 times a day then he is getting it somewhere else. Men just dont all of a sudden lose interest in sex like that....stats say they think about it every 2 min or less. Obviously if he has used the term sow his oats he is not ready for a committment, however 2 1/2 years is a long time to date in this day and age. The only way to sow his wild oats sexually and you to know what he is doing is to do it together...that is if he is just looking to have sex with other women and not a different relationship. Men are just to dam complicated!!! and they say we are bad.

Answer 8

2-1/2 yrs is a big commitment. If he were going to sow those oats, it should of been long before investing so much into your relationship. If this were me, I'd have all kinds of alarms and whistles going off. The "nervous about commitment" speal is complete b.s. If he were really in love with you, he would want to further deepen the relationship, not pull back. Sorry sweetie.

Answer 9

No real experience of my own.. but from what I've seen , most guys who go off to sow wild oats, find someone new, and do the same thing to that person too.

Give him the "Gander/Goose" story, and tell him " If someone proposes, I may accept..."

Answer 10

I suppose it really does not help to remind you that just as many women pull this bullcrap as guys...but bottom line is, you're going to have to face the fact that he's a self-centered, immature little boy. And - he ain't gonna change, honey. I also read and understand your comment about not giving you the standard response about dumping his butt. However - that's exactly what you're gonna have to do. I'll say it again - he's not going to change. Yes, I've been with women who've pulled that nonsense - never mind how often; I'll just say it was "several". Yes, that obviously identifies me as an old man. But it also suggests that I know a bit about human emotional responses - plus, I've had formal university training in psychology that backs up my life experience.
Save yourself a lot of heartache, and do what you must: tell him not to let the door hit him in the ash on his way out, and then after a good cry, say "Fu*k him"! and start over. You will do just fine!

Answer 11

No, and too bad, he should have sowed his oats before commiting to a relationship, obviously he is not mature, you should suggest that while he is out screwing around you will be as well, because if he can have some variety so can you, see how well he takes that.