Would you marry her?

Question

Can't figure whether or not to marry this woman..she is really attractive, very smart, rich, sweet, widowed and has a 14 yr. old son. I am overweight, smart, broke, moody and have a 14 yr. old daughter who goes back and forth between my house and her mom's (my ex) every other week. My daughter is spoiled, but that is only because my ex and I want to keep her happy, and sometimes end up competing to get her the most stuff. When my daughter is with me, I like to take her everywhere she wants to go, take her out to dinner, movies, so it leaves my fiance out of the picture. My fiance doesn't get it because if I don't do everything my daughter wants, she gets real huffy and mad and I don't want her to live with her mom full-time. So, I'm mixed up because my fiance says she's tired of being left alone every other week, & my kid doesn't want her around and really doesn't want her son around because I give them attention when they are. How do i keep my daughter number 1 and still get married?

Answer 1

Your daughter need to grow up you are her father not a BF.
You are seeing someone else you she must learn to share and to respect the time and space you need and that of her possible future step-mom. It is called she is pissed at you in her mind she thought that you and her mom would get back together and things would go back to normal. You need to set some ground rules and some barriers with your child
stop spoiling her so much she must work for your attention
it is not your responsibilty to be an entertainment centre for your child she is 14yrs old she has friends and she can keep herself busy. Next visit give her some money and drop her off at the mall make a time that you will pick her up let her be on her own for a day this way she learns some independence and some responsibity and you get to spend some time with your fiance.

Your fiance sounds great she is just expressing that you spend to much tie with your kid when she visits and feels left out. Consider doing things as a group if this could be your future wife and step-son do you not think important to make plans together so that everyone is getting attention and getting to know each other. Instead of going to the movies with your daughter consider taking your fiance and the kids to the movies and then dinner.

Really if it all comes down to them seeking attention kill two birds with one stone but bringing everyone together.

May God Bless You and your family past, present, future.
Best Wishes.

PS. Never ask if someone would marry your fiance that is a decision you need to make on you own. From what you have written you sound smitten with her just go for it if this feels like a new chapter in your life why waste anymore time.

Answer 2

She is rich and you are broke. What makes you think she wants to marry YOU? Your fiance doesnt sound unreasonable by complaining about being left alone every other weekend. Afterall, how are you supposed to leave her alone when you are married. And if your kid doesnt want her around when your NOT married she's not going to changer her mind and always play on your sympathy and it's going to make your wife mad. I wouldn't marry you.

It sounds like you need to set your daughter straight and stop letting her run your life, spoiled or not. You are only enabling your daughter to have an undesireable entitlement attitude that too many kids have today. Your daughter will always be number one no matter what, but you need to remember that she will grow up and move away, then who do you have, your wife right? You should figure out a way to balance out both relationships BEFORE you get married.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Well.. in this case, you are being chumped by your little girl. And so is your ex. You daughter doesn’t need buddies to buy her stuff; she needs parents that take care of her. And if she is playing the two of you to get what she wants, you and your ex need to sit down and talk things out and stop giving in to your daughter. I know you think your doing all these great things for her, but your not, you’re actually hurting her in the long run. So later down the road when she wants something she can’t have she won’t be able to handle it. Set some rules and you and your ex will be a lot happier.

As for your GF, if you love her, then your daughter is going to have to learn to deal with it. if she is the one working and bringing home the money, she can make the rules. But I doubt she is or at this point she can handle a job on her own. In this case again, you’re the man of the house… pick up the pants and put them on. And stop letting your little girl push you around. From experience, your little girl doesn’t see you as a father figure, she see you as a way to get what ever she wants. That in itself should make you want to put your foot down… and stop what you have allowed to happen with your daughter.

Answer 4

You are creating a monster by raising your daughter like that. Your daughter cannot be number one in a blended family. You are teaching her to be spoiled, probably a *****, materialistic, have no sense of money, have no sense of self worth, have no respect for others. You are teaching her that she is the absolute centre of the universe - when she grows up she will get a hard kick in the a$$ when reality hits her.

And on top of that, I don't think that you are ready to get married. You have to sort your other stuff out first. Sorry for being so harsh.

Answer 5

Who's the adult here you or your daughter.

Then if really want to marry this woman you should include her in your daughter's life, hoe else are they going to get to know each other.

As far as your daughter, sounds like she is a spoiled brat. She has to get ready world and realize that life doesn't revolve around her every whim. What you are doing is setting her up for a big fall by catoring to her.

Answer 6

Your daughter IS extremely spoiled. She has you wrapped around her finger!

You've got to stand up for yourself and be with your fiance if you love your fiance. Keeping these two parts of your life separate is very unhealthy. They are both your family. It will be extremely rough at first for your daughter, but don't give in. Eventually she'll get used to sharing you and everyone will get along, and you will finally stop being torn in two different directions.

Answer 7

What you need to teach your daughter is to be respectable towards other people and be more understanding with your feelings. Although you want to give her everything, you are not giving her what she needs the most...a father that can BE a father. Giving her whatever she wants to compete with your ex is no way to teach your daughter about life. In the long run, if you teach her morals, she will go further in life rather than handing it to her on a silver platter.

Answer 8

You have created this for yourself, your daughter is selfish and has not learnt a single life lesson, she will do her best to keep you to herself and without thinking will run off one day with a guy leaving you alone.

If she is to learn anything about successful relationships, you are the one to teach her, show her how enduring love can be and how selfless if should be. She needs to see that loving too people is possible, by not doing this you will be emotionally crippling her for life. You are her father and you love her dearly and put up with this, a boyfriend or a husband wont.

Answer 9

what a dumb *** you are you can't keep your child in the same category as a wife and if you are all going to be a family you all need to spend time together and you need to spend time with this woman if you really love her and if you did you wouldn't leave her out of any part of your life your teen needs to stop controlling her parents you are hurting this child by what you are doing why would she ever want to go out and go to school or find a job when moommy and daddy are going to take care of everything for her....if this is how you are handling this now your in for big trouble down the road......

Answer 10

FERGETABOUTIT!!!!! The daughter is being a brat and you're being a twit to let her get away with it just so you can stick it to your ex. Mister, you are not fit for marriage - and unless you undergo a major attitude adjustment, you'll never be. Both you and your daughter need to grow up a lot and do it fast!