Why are women so tolerant of men's bullsh*t?

Question

Everytime I go to friends or on "answers" feeling like I'm accepting something in my relationship that feels like abuse, or bad treatment in general and looking for empowered solutions , why do I always ge thte response that's like... "oh, well...that's how men are." or "My husband alwyas does that..and I don't mind?" or some explaination that basically says. "I'm only technically in a "realtionship" I do everything independantly of my husband, and therefore I'm not vulneralbe to his insensitivities.? What is WITH THAT!!?? Aren't there any women out there whov'e learned how to wrangle the ill-behaved husband and at least get him to understand how to truly share the responsibilities of a real relationship? why do they get to have their cake and eat it too so often?

Answer 1

Girl I agree with you 100%. I am having man troubles myself. My man stayed out until 9 am. I am so pissed right now and I think that it is totally unfair. He does think he can have his cake and eat it too. That's straight up bullsh*t. I want some revenge.

Answer 2

I wish you gave more details about these things that are going on in your relationship that feel like abuse or bad treatment. Without knowing specifics I can't really give you an intelligent answer. All I can say is this: If a man respects you then he'll respect your feelings. At the same time, however, you have a responsibility to communicate to your boyfriend/fiancee/husband exactly what you expect and what you will or will not tolerate. Make no mistake here: Drawing lines and setting boundaries is NOT an attempt on your part to be the boss. You're not telling him what to do or how to do it; you're simply setting guidelines and basically telling him that you're not going to put up with every type of B.S. he dishes out. It's a tough balance, because there's also the issue of picking your battles -- deciding which issues are worth arguing over and which aren't. The important thing is you need to stand up for yourself if you feel that you're not being treated well. The more you let a guy walk all over you, the easier it gets for you to let it happen and the more he'll do it because he knows he can. Show him that you have a backbone and he'll either respect you or call you any number of names in the book, and if the latter happens you know that he probably never really loved you or respected you in the first place. Sad to say, but true...

Answer 3

The truth? Its because we are just guys. We dont really know the answers, but we like to give it a shot.
And not all of us get to even have the cake. Thats the problem, the cake stops. Or its used against us, so we think.
Try this. Instead of "expecting" something from your relationship, try giving to it. You'll see a change in your old man. I guarantee if you serve the cake, he will come around.
Its not always the guy who wants the cake either.
Instead of wrangling, which is another word for controling, try to just do your part of the relationship. I dont mean do everything independantly like you are. let him help.You'll be surprised how fast your cowboy will turn around.

Answer 4

Maybe I'm just lucky, but I don't have to "wrangle" my husband... He came with an in-built understanding of how to handle a relationship. Why marry a man who doesn't meet your criteria for being a good partner? IMO, the "oh well this is how men are" sentiment makes more sense than constantly trying to change a person. If you can't say "oh well" and accept certain things, it's a better idea to keep looking rather than committing yourself to a lifetime of struggle with the other person's "demons" that you can neither accept or adapt to.

Yes, you need to ask for respect and understanding, but these expectations have to be set from the get-go.

Answer 5

Sweetie, you sound a bit angry, and you won't get anywhere with that attitude at all. If you're looking to change a man, you have to learn that it needs to be done in stages. No man is going to WANT to do the dishes, right? (I don't think I even know many women who do either!!!) And so you need to understand that in order to get your man to do what you want him to, you need to approach things tenderly. I don't think that there are any women here who feel like we should just lay down and take what men do to us...we all want it to change. But at the same time, we know there is no militant way of bringing about change.

Think about it--you're not perfect. If your man wanted you to change something about you, you'd probably resist anything he did that seemed like he was using his "power"over you, but if he brought it up in a calmer setting where he was talking to you about things in a way that you were actually listening to what he had to say, then maybe you'd TRY to change.

The same goes for men. There is no way that you're going to be able to with a firm hand get him to go your way. If you want empowering advice only, let that be known when you post your question, and people like me who have a more passive answer won't even toss out anything.

If it seems like your man is abusing you, then leave. But I think too often people pull the Abuse Card, when it's just that a man wants things a certain way.

Answer 6

I'm a man , and I think your 100 percent rite. Most of my past girlfriends were my shadows?????? I could do what ever I wanted even cheat on some of them if i wanted to and they would have just cried and stayed with me????????

And if you let a man do that (I didn't, but could have) what the f*ck?? no wonder so many men walk all over woman.

My girlfriend is 10 years younger than me and she doesn't take shlt off me at all, I wash my clothes she washes hers, we take Sunday to clean the house, and if I put on some weight she's the first to tell me just like i would to her.

The funny thing is then woman turn around and complain about everything????? Make a stand!!!! stop take most guy's shlt.lol

Answer 7

Most women put-up with it, because they don't take a stand...

Key word in that statement is "Most." There are some women, and you can see their responses here, who put their foot down and tell the man/men in their lives that if he expects to be treated like a human being, he's darn-well going to treat her like one too.

It also helps to be at the same stage in your relationship. If you're at the "Exclusive" stage, and he's still at the "Just Friends" stage, you're going to be into a world of hurt...

That and many, again, "many," not all, women just become frustrated and do it themselves if it's not being done, not being being done fast enough, or; just not being done the way SHE wants it to be done.

Is short, stop doing everything for him...and make him do it himself...don't run the relationship, go with the relationship.

Answer 8

Women are more mature than men. I guess it has something to do with being the only ones to birth a child. But you are right. We have made men the way they are. We raise them like that as babies. Most husbands can be referred to as "a grown teenager"
I hope you find the answer. I would like to know it too.

Answer 9

I think that some women are so afraid to be alone that they put up with way too much stuff. What they don't know is that its better to alone and stand on your own two feet then with someone that is going to make you feel bad about yourself. I totally regret some of my relationships but I know exactly what I want now and how I want to be treated.

Answer 10

OH, thank GOD!! i am not the only one....

i really wish i knew, i havent put up with any mans BS since b4 i could walk....that includes not listening to my dad when he was drunk tipsy w/e, and it has been my way of life...of course i cant find that many men willing to be responsible, or kind, or anything like my dream guy, but i can deal with it, since i REFUSE to be someone doormat..ya know??? if u ever figure it out, plz let me know....