I believe in establishing a solid relationship before you move on to sex. I don't believe in premarital sex, really. But I also believe that compatibility in sex is essential for preserving your marriage. So, those men who waited for marriage to have sex-- were you able to strengthen the sextual aspect of your relationship during the course of your marriage? Have there been hick ups (such as lusting after someone else) and what did you do?
2007-11-05 04:59:14 · 21 answers · asked by supergirl 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I absolutely believe that a man an woman need to have a solide relationship before having sex. Of course people don't make that consciencous decision because passion gets in the way and for guys....the little head down south has a one track mind. I was very fortunate, she was my best friend and there was nothing sexual about our relationship. We had both been through a really horrible divorce after being married about 25 years each. Two years went by and I saw her a couple of times a week and would sit at Starbucks and chat for hours....but we never "dated." I asked her "what would you say if I asked you out?" and she replied I would go out with you...and I asked her that a couple times over the next year and the answer was always the same. She called me out of the blue one Wednesday and asked if I wanted to meet her for a drink and I said sure. We hadn't seen each other for a couple of months and she said she missed seeing me and was worried about me. At the end of the evening I asked my going out question again and she replied the same....I asked do you want to go out Saturday and she said yes....Well that was three years ago and we have been married for two years now. We have never been happier in our entire lives. We made love after about five-months of dating...it was and still is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced...each and every time we make love. The only hic-up have been dealing with the ex's and our older kids (none at home) but we talk everyday....I call it our pillow talk time and it usually lasts a couple of hours each night; even when I go out-of-town on business, we make time for each other. Sex is fantastic, and just a kiss arrouses me...We are both in our late forties and we act like we are in our twenties. We make love a couple of times during the week and five or six times on the weekend.
2007-11-05 05:19:51 · answer #1 · answered by Older Guy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I did not necessarily wait until marriage but I have only been with my wife. I had the moral fiber to wait until I found the woman I felt was the one for me like a soulmate for instance.
I think if you have the friendship and the love then sex is just a pleasurable part of the relationship. Well atleast that is how I feel. Your spouse should be your best friend and the one that supports you in everything. Since lust is a sin you should try to remove all temptations of it. I think if people would concern themselves with getting to know the one they are with. Instead of thinking what a person they see on the street would be like in bed this world would be much better off for it.
I think you just have to live day by day and if that person truly loves you waiting is only going to make it feel better.
Since it is quite common that the longer the periods of time between sexual connection the more energetic and well wild both people are.
It is nice to see that some women in this world still have some moral fiber.
May God Bless and Keep you Best Wishes.
2007-11-05 05:14:55 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was one who waited until marriage for the sexual part, and i am sorry I did. We were totally incompatible in that department. She thought that sex was for procreation and anything other than missionary position was perverted. I on the other hand wanted to experiment, but it was never to be. There were so many other incompatibilities about sex that showed up - such as her feelings that it was dirty and had to go shower immediately afterwards, whereas I wanted to lay there and cuddle. I always felt she was having sex just because it was expected, not because she wanted it. There were many others. We separated after a year, counseling didn't help, and eventually divorced. Now I am much happier with a woman who feels as I do sexually. It was very important for both of us to find this out up front due to her negative sexual experiences in her first marriage too. And from what she tells me, I am not deficient in pleasing a woman. I am much happier now. My opinion is the get this out in the open before marriage or it can destroy the relationship.
I am not advocating to go out and be promiscuous until you find what you want, but to make sure the sexual compatability is there after establishing a relationship, but before taking that final step.
2007-11-05 05:14:22 · answer #3 · answered by photog_35 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I waited I was 32 and I waited. I never had a doubt the sex would be great because I knew she would do what it takes. The same way she knew I would do what it takes. As we have grown as a couple it gets better.
Were there hiccups? Pregnancy definitely slows things down. Do I lust for someone else? Absolutely not she is more then able to provide the things I need.
Every man is different but this is my experience.
2007-11-05 05:27:28 · answer #4 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, but the idea in todays culture, is that premarital sex is no longer taboo. I agree with the thought, but do not promote sex as a way to stregthen a relationship. It happens, if both are not willing to wait. As for the idea of waiting till you are married, what if you find you are "totally sexually incompatible, after marriage? That will not strengthen the marriage, but will definately cause problems. My suggestion is that if you support abstinence, then spend many hours discussing sex, sexual desires and the relationship before marriage, or sexual activity and the relationship will flourish if the sexual desires are equal and compatible. Otherwise, there will be more than hick-ups!
2007-11-05 05:10:22 · answer #5 · answered by R. W 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, I didn't wait until I was married, but I did wait until I met the right woman. We have been married now for over 15 years and she has been the only one I have ever been with. I love her dearly and she is a great lover (as far as I know). But yes, over the course of our marriage, I have wondered and fantasized about what it would be like with someone else. But its just of a curiousity...is it different with different women or is it much the same? Though I still wonder, I would never act out on these thoughts. My wife is too precious to me. I am very lucky to have her and I would never do anything to jeopardize our life together.
2007-11-05 05:24:05 · answer #6 · answered by Scorpio 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i believe that love comes a little later than most emotions in a relationship but thats my own opinion of course i couldnt wiat that long (until marriage) and im glad i didnt because i found a person that was compatible in so many ways and the main thing is the intimacy of sex and that one thing could have caused disharmony in a relationship the sex with my wife was good and seems like after marriage it gets even better but again imho i think that before you get head over heals in love you should try it because what happens when you get married and find out you or your partner sucks or is totally incompatible for you then what?
2007-11-05 08:16:24 · answer #7 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a common worry experienced today by chaste women. Firstly I would say to you many congratulations. You are one of the few sensible women left.
The biggest problem in pre-marital sex is that a woman who fornicates prior to marriage will always be making comparisons with the first or the others to her husband. Often (strangely) women who have fornicated even in multiple previous relationships do not allow the man whom they eventually marry to fornicate with them. They make him wait until after the marriage. This dichotomy leads to many problems, and can often be a key component in a resulting divorce, because the woman may feel that the man she married is not as good for her in sex as her previous fornicating lovers.
I did not have sex with my wife before marriage, and other than cuddling and kissing no sexual exploration either. That is the safest thing to do. When you are then married sex and everything which goes with it is a new and blissful experience. Because you have nothing to compare your married love and sex to you are never critical of your wife or husband's performance. The key thing is to be considerate to one another, to fulfill one another's needs and to understand the differences between men and women. As in a number of other questions here, usually women and men have different sexual needs, the main difference being frequency. If either of you are selfish then you will be on the possible road to divorce. Also remember that practically nothing is unacceptable in married sexual relations unless it is objectionable to one of the couple, although it is best to be sensible about what is moral, acceptable and civilized.
It helps to read suitable books explaining things about sexual relations. Try to concentrate on the reputable ones which are honorable and cultured. because you have no comparison to make if you have both remained chaste you learn as you go along as with everything else. Experiment yourselves and all will progress naturally and fall into place. Above all if you really love each other you will desire above all else to make one another happy and contented. Never be selfish and never deny your spouse what they need. You will then love one another more and more and more.
As described in other questions here, the only time that good, chaste and honest men will lust after someone else is if they are starved of what they need and what they have a right to expect from their spouse! That is sex in marriage. That is the foundation of marriage, and what makes it so different from all other human relationships. That is also what becoming one flesh is all about. This is also what makes marriages last.
Don't listen to the fools who claim that it is not important or that if you really love one another an absence of sex does not matter in a marriage. Starvation in the key component of marriage is what causes marriages to fail! Husbands and wives will forgive and overlook almost all other failings in their spouse if they know that their spouse loves them so much as to fulfill their needs fully and sometimes even sacrificially.
2007-11-05 05:42:38 · answer #8 · answered by Doug G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men don't seem to be rather that naive, they only do not almost always care that a lot! In a dedicated dating, I'm definite there are occasions whilst ladies do accurately that - have intercourse now not considering that they truthfully wish intercourse at that second, however as a gesture of affection to their associate, a gesture of sharing and giving and love. And there will be instances whilst guys will fully grasp that, or certainly will do the equal factor (sure, consider it or now not, and far as I maybe thrown out of the Brotherhood for pronouncing so, there are occasions whilst guys do not wish intercourse, however will nonetheless do it as a gesture of affection) But I consider it could be simplistic to mention that guys having intercourse at any factor necessarilly quit and consider "Wow, she ought to love me". Most of the time they are variety of simply considering "Wow. Sex. Cool!" I do consider there may be this fantasy that "ladies wish love, guys wish intercourse" that got here approximately for that reason of the repressive attitudes of the forties and 50s: you could not be a "well woman" for those who actively sought "simply" intercourse, you had to shop for into the dream of affection. Nowadays the parable stays extra in guys's attitudes - they have a tendency to nonetheless consider ladies would possibly not deliver them intercourse (we nonetheless generally acquire it as a reward) except there may be an emotional, a loving context. That is supposedly replacing even though as extra guys and ladies shrewd as much as the truth that there is not any blanket fact - a few ladies wish love, a few wish intercourse, a few wish each. The equal is right of guys.
2016-09-05 11:01:06 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I waited. It was a good thing. Have I lusted? many times or almost everyday but I have not cheated on my wife as far as meeting someone for sex or even online chatting. I have come close to doing it but never have.And that is a really good thing!
2007-11-05 05:05:12 · answer #10 · answered by Geoff 62 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋