OMG you should have seen my son Ashton when we got home from the baby shower , we started putting the gifts in the house and he didnt understand that the gifts we got were not his he kept diggin in the bags and getting all the things out and my boyfriend was like no those are Aubree's(our daughters) toys.. he started screaming and crying and throwing a fit because he couldnt get the toy he thought was his.... omg I wanted to cry... He thinks that everything is his... I dont know how I am going to deal with it but I dont like my baby screaming like that he kept going back to the bags and just staring at them... ugh it broke my heart.. and as soon as he woke up this morning he went striaght to the gifts.... Please HELP!
2007-11-05 04:52:19 · 19 answers · asked by PrettyPrincessLiz 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I am worried that my daughter is soon going to be facing the same situation. My grandson is a real attention junky and already throws fits when he can't have what he wants.
My two oldest children are 3 years apart. I always knew I wanted more than one child, so I tried not to treat my oldest like an "only". My brother's are two and a half years apart. When my mom broght the second one home, the older cried for 3 days, "Take him back mommy. Take him back where you got him. Don't want him." It was a true trauma for him - leaving him feeling second best all his life.
So . . . what do you do? Start now to condition your little boy that he is not "the only". Talk to him about mommy and daddy time (separate and together - like putting him down for a nap even if he doesn't sleep and telling him it is mommy time). If he resists - make it a short time (even 5 minutes) and gradually increase that.
You didn't say how long before the new baby is due so I don't know how much time you have to implement the strategies. Get some good books on sibling rivalry - the more you understand what is going on in your son's head, the better you will be able to help him (not damage his little ego and confidence).
Don't listen to people who try to tell you he is spoiled, or that you are continuing to spoil him when you pay attention. In those tiny brains, mom and dad are = to life. If he feels he is losing you, he will feel his very survival is threatened (you can read about this "primative brain and survival instinc" theory if you google it.
Also, don't get too freaked out about it. Basically, your son just has to believe that you still love him, and he is not being replaced. It's not so much about having to have "that toy" it's about having to have your love - which he now interprets as pretty much getting everything he wants from you.
It will also help to make sure that daddy is available to give your son time and attention when you bring the baby home. And both of you should talk to him often, about how you are going to need his help (you also didn't mention how old he is, but even if he is pre-verbal, kids understand a LOT more than we think). Talk to him about how much you love him, and how having a sister is adding more love to the family.
Lastly, don't make a big thing about the toys. Your daughter is not going to know the difference for a long time yet. Let him see, hold and maybe play with some of the new stuff - always telling him that one day soon he will be able to give it to his sister. If he is talking and says "No" or "Mine", don't get upset with him. Just move on. You can also give him big hugs, tell him how much you love him and distract him with another toy - saying "remember, we gave you this to play with? It belongs to you." Just be careful not to get him mixed up about toys and things being love.
And can you put him in situations where he has to start learning to share - like with cousins, friends or a day-care/nursery? All of these things will help.
2007-11-05 05:10:51 · answer #1 · answered by Judith L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, relax. His reaction was perfectly normal. You are wise to be sensitive to his feelings. Put away all the new baby things and don't talk about them (or the new baby too much) in front of him. A good technique to help an older brother or sister deal with the birth of the new baby is to give the "Big Brother/Sister" a few wrapped toys now, and say they are from the baby. Do the same when you bring the baby home from the hospital. There are some good books out that you can read with your little boy such as The New Baby by Fred Rogers.
(For toddlers and preschoolers). Spend quality time with your son, reading and playing and let him know he is special and loved! Get his dad involved with some quality time, as well. This will help ease the transition. Best wishes! Love, Isabella
2007-11-05 05:08:59 · answer #2 · answered by Isabella 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When we had the baby shower for my son, the guests brought gifts for my daughter also so she would not feel left out. You should buy him a small toy and wrap it up like a present. Talk to him about the new baby coming. I talked to my daughter about her brother coming from the moment I found out I was pregnant. when the baby is born and he comes to visit in the hospital, have him hold the baby right away. Take lot's of pictures and praise him on what a good job he is doing holding his new baby sister. Get a little gift and wrap it up and have it be from the new baby and give it to him when he arrives at the hospital to see you. Everything you do, you need to include him. Being it changing the diapers or bathing the baby. You have to talk to him about the new baby or he might be very jealous about her and try to hit or bite her. Just include him and everything should be fine. My daughter had just turned 3 when my son was born and everything turned out fine. Good luck and congrats!
2007-11-05 05:14:33 · answer #3 · answered by shavon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My children are almost exactly two years apart. (Their birthdays are only nine days apart.)
What worked for us was to let my elder child give the new baby a birthday present, and then a week later, the baby gave her a birthday present.
When it was time to give the baby something, we tried to ensure that the older child was included in some way.
For example, at feeding time, we looked inside the baby's mouth and there were no teeth. So he had to have a bottle. My elder one had teeth, and could chew so I would give her a bit of banana or a few grapes.
I made it sound like my daughter was so lucky, so fortunate, and so blessed to be two, while "that poor baby" could not have this or that because he was too little.
By the way, it helped with toilet training, too. The "diapers are for babies" thing was her idea, and it inspired her to be "on duty" during the day.
2007-11-05 05:06:36 · answer #4 · answered by Barry F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a toddler that'll turn 3 yrs old in 15 days and I have a 10-month old. We prepared our daughter about our son by talking to her about him and taking her shopping w/us when we started buying things for the baby. We would also buy stuff for her so that she didn't feel left out. I would let her talk and rub my belly throughout the ENTIRE pregnancy and when I came home from the hospital, I had a huge gift for her and told her that this was from her little brother. At that time, she was 26-27 months old, and it was great for her that her little brother had bought home a gift for her. Ever since he came home, she absolutely adores him and now that they're older, they communicate in their own special way and love being around each other. Just make sure you don't make him feel left out! Good luck!
2007-11-05 05:00:54 · answer #5 · answered by Lailani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What helped for us was baby dolls. I know hes a boy but it did help for me to pretend with a baby doll, Treating it like i would treat the new baby. Letting him know that not all the time will i be able to jump up and get everything for him. Then i gave my daughter more responsiblity. Like helping me throw away "used" diapers. And feed the baby a bottle that sorta stuff.
The toy issue will go away with time. Right now hes just used to everything being his. As time goes and he sees he will realize that some things are his sisters. I think all children go through this. Just something you will have to wait out.
2007-11-05 04:58:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mary L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I am going to do for my 2 year old son is buy him a present that will be from the baby (something he will absolutely love) and when his baby sister arrives and he see's her for the first time, we will give it to him and explain that his little sister bought him a special present. Since 2 years old is a little young for them to really grasp what is going on when you are pregnant it can come as quite a shock when the baby arrives and they suddenly have to share certain things like mummy and daddy, so I thought this was a good idea to ease the inital shock/confusion.
2016-05-27 23:45:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's two yrs old,doesn't understand reason or shouting or hysterical people...your best bet would be to get some new,but inexpensive,toys and stuff(pots and pans,plastic beakers,pegs,whatever) wrap it all up in nice shiny paper then in the morning let him come in and open boxes of stuff which is his and he's not going to get told off for.It's the best way I found,when 1 of mine had a birthday,etc,to get a little gift the other can play with too,though as he's only two,he'll REALLY love the boxes,shiny paper,and all the little things HE likes which don't cost a lot xxxxxxxxx best of luck!
2007-11-05 05:03:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor baby...he needs some gifts to open that are HIS...you need to have someone bring him his own gifts...you are right, he certainly will not understand what isn't right in front of him so no matter how much you talk about baby and new sister, etc...it won't sink in until she comes home!
It's too bad whoever threw you the shower didn't think about this and put a little note on the invitation to bring a little something for your little guy (my girlfriends hostess did this and we were happy to oblige and Elijah was quite pleased with HIS baby shower!! )
2007-11-05 04:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by Michele J 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
little too late now but i asked close family members to buy a small inexpensive gift for my oldest child who was then 2 1/2 this way he would have something to open too and wouldnt feel left out..once the baby gets there,ask visitors to approach him first before going to the baby and not to ask him how he likes his baby sister because if he is jeolous,more than likely his answer will be i dont!!
2007-11-05 04:59:05 · answer #10 · answered by stephanie c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋