how can i overcome my fears of death?

Question

i have a wonderful son and a great boyfriend.but late at night i feel dread creeping into me and for 4 hours straight i flit between my sons room and back to my room(where my boyfriend is).my son is 2 years old,his mother died 9 weeks after he was born,i am still not sure how or why.
but i am forever scared that something will happen to the 2 guys i love the most.i have not spoken to my boyfriend about it,this is serious to me and i know he will mean well and try to make a joke out of it.but i dont want that right now.
i do have a job,which i do go to and i dont let my fears affect my work but i rush straight home to my family.i dont mind dying myself,knowing that they will be safe.
this is stupid but i have dreams that i am being forced to choose between them.i know what some people will say,i can always get another boyfriend.but i dont want anyone else but the one i have.
i come across as confident but inside i am terrierfied of messing up,as a dad and as a boyfriend.i have

already failed of being a son and brother(my parents and brother and sister disowned me).
sometimes i just feel like a failure.and i did fail as a boyfriend anyway considering i have a son.i cheated on my boyfriend.

Answer 1

This i what I think: life is so wonderful that is worth dying for it.At any age.

Answer 2

This is a phobia. Obviously fear of abandonment is a part of it and shame is a major factor. These embedded beliefs begin during early development before our thinking brain is on-line and we can reflect on what is happening in our environment. These subconscious beliefs then control feelings, thoughts, perceptions and reactions because they become embedded emotional electrochemical responses. The connection between the shame you describe and the consequences (death) you experienced indicate extreme intensely conditioned beliefs that need to be contemplated and dismantled. But first deal with the agitated body level reactions. You are NOT your feelings and thoughts, you are the OBSERVER of these programmed patterns.

Because we attract what we fear, it is mandatory that you dissipate the fear response. Instead of jumping up and running around the house when the panic starts, lie there and OBSERVE the mind/body responses. Exactly where and how intensely is your body feeling them - pressure in the chest, head, etc.? Erratic breathing or heartrate? Then exaggerate the feelings, build them up to as much intensity as you can. Then stop, breathe out and let them go several times, relaxing the body. Then build them up again and repeat the process. Dissociated/buried feelings/shame only dissipates by being fully, consciously expressed/experienced. They will dissipate over time. Everytime you feel a twinge, grab onto it consciously and process it in the above way.

Ultimately though, you will also need to get to the origin of these conditioned beliefs in order to reframe them in the light of reason so that they will disappear from experience. NLP is good process. But, talking about the original shameful events with someone supportive - who will validate your child's original feelings - is often critical. But, until the events are reframed entirely as NOT the child's error - they will CAUSE misperception and recurrence in experience. They are simply lousy software that crashes and needs to be dumped from the hard drive.

Answer 3

Maybe your fear of death is a symbolizm of guilt. You've had it rough being a gay man and now that you have finally found hapiness, you think it's going to be all taken away from you from your past "sins". The reality of death is scary to everyone. But in your case, you're so worried about losing them that you're not enjoying the time you have living your life with them. I think you should tell your boyfriend about this too. Yes, he might joke about it, but if this is going to eat you up inside and you don't share this with him, then it will show and eventually tear up your relationship.

Answer 4

I am considering this question in a serious light. Obviously there is a part of you that really cares for your loved ones? It is natural to fear the unknown ie. death. You are close to the 2 men that you love and that is understandable. I suggest finding inner peace and acceptance for this world we live in. And who better to go to than God? First find God and then search yourselve.

Answer 5

Don't feel despondent, You are not the only person on the earth to get such things. There are people facing worse things. Rise and do what you think is right. When you go ahead in right direction one day same people who do not like you will admire you.