Why do you suppose the white people at this party were so offended?

Question

It didn't seem like "white guilt". (Just thought I'd mention that, because I'm sure someone else will.) They acted like they were REALLY PISSED (like it was far more than "white guilt").

This is what happened....

My husband and I went to a party Saturday night (at one of hubby's cousin's house in Richmond, VA). Much of the family was there who we haven't seen in LONG time. While there, we discovered that a few of his cousins had married white women and that the mother of four of his cousins had married a white man. No biggie... They seemed cool. Everything was going great until we all started making race-related jokes.

One of hubby's cousins wanted to take a group picture of a bunch of the guys. So anyway, they were making jokes about it being too dark to take photos of black people. My husband's brother made a joke about Panasonic making the camera "too eff'd up to take pictures of black folk in the dark" and then said, "yea, we need to call the NAACP on'em."

One of the white wives got mad as hell and said, "I don't ever want to hear y'all referring to yourselves in that manner ever again!" Her husband told her it was just a joke and to lighten up. Well, that was the end of that. But.....

Later on, I was sitting out on the back deck with my husband's brother. We were gettin' our chill on and talkin' about whatever. Well, just as he asked me about a couple of my family members (who, unbeknownst to him at the time, are racist), one of the white wives came out and heard me say, "Oh damn, I don't have anything to do with them anymore. They're so racist they'll chew the black off you."

It didn't bother my husband's brother at all, because he knew what I was sayin'. But, damn, the white woman was enraged and acted like she wanted to get at me. It was a miracle that we didn't throw knuckles.

Later on, the white dude (who's married to my husband's cousins' mother) had the nerve to try to put someone in check for sayin', "Wussup ***."

He said something like, "You have lots of nerve to spout a racial epithet that your people have been trying hard for years to bury."

The whole house became quite for a few moments. I thought (as I'm sure everyone else did) that his azz was grass. But nope, patience prevailed.

I could go on and on and on. The entire party seemed to be engulfed by white people getting offended over CRAP. It got much, much, much worse than what I've mentioned in this post.

My husband's brother's wife (also white) was as flabbergasted as I was. She and I spend much of our time with most of the black women- trying our best to keep them from losing their tempers. The best explanation that we could offer is that the white people were just trying way too hard to make an impression.

What do y'all think? I hope I haven't offended anyone.

"Trying too hard" is the best explanation that we've been able to come up with.

"She and I spend much of our time with most of the black women-"
----OOPS, I meant "spent". Sorry for the typo.

Hi Bonny,

I totally understand what you're saying, but it wasn't like that at all... Of the family members who I know really well, none of them would get irate if white people were to say the same things they say. (And the ones who I haven't seen in a long time were never like that and didn't give the impression that they had changed.) As a matter of fact, there are a few of them who I joke with all the time. I say "n word" to them, and they call me "wigga", "white chocolate", "cracka", "lightly toasted", and so on....

I can't speak for everyone who was there, but, generally, people wouldn't have thought anything if the white people would have laughed. I laughed, and it was no big deal. Hell, I even threw in my own jokes as well. After my brother-in-law made the picture joke, I said, "Aight now, P... Don't make me sick Jesse Lee Peterson on yo azz." Everyone kept laughing. It was no biggie.

Of course, I'm what some would call a "wanna-be". But my husband's brother's wife isn't. Yet she laughed and joked, too, and none of the black people thought anything. They didn't think anything because they're cool like that. The only people there who took issue with what was said were the white people (other than me and my husband's brother's wife).

And it wasn't a matter of "going over the top", being rude, or trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable. We were all gettin' down just like we would if the white people wouldn't have been around. We weren't at a loss for things to talk about either. We were just joking... That's it.... Just having fun and joking. My husband's family has always been like that (at least the ones I know and for as long as I've known them). And, for that matter, so have all of my friends and all other black people I know.

That's why I really trip out over some of the issues brought up here on Y!A. I mean, I've dealt with plenty of racial issues... But, when it comes to things like "black people don't want white people saying the n-word", for example, I'm usually thinking, "What? Are there actually black people who feel this way? Why? Since when did this become an issue?"

I guess it's just a matter of what you're accustomed to.

Answer 1

Weird. I know people are entitled to their opinions but they (the White family members who seemed offended) acted as if they have never been around Blacks before. Not everyone is hung up on race related stuff, I wish they could see that. Your husband and his cousins were all joking and having fun about themselves! Your family seems really laid back, so maybe it will take some time for them to understand and get used to.

...and your family story sounds like it would be a good movie.

Answer 2

Your explanation is, most likely, the only explanation that there can be for what happened. I've noticed that there are a number of whts who feel the need to jump out there and add their two cents when it's not necessary to do so because they truly don't understand context. It's the reason why blks continued use of the "n" word when we perceive that we are not allowed to use this word is such a sticking point. Everyone doesn't get it and most can't just accept that it is not a race thing, it's a "one of us" thing and even whts can use the word or make certain racially charged jokes if they're accepted as "one of them."

Answer 3

There is a double standard for racial comments and that gets extremely annoying. The use of slurs only amongst a race but taken as an insult from another one does not help in any way shape or form.

I'm not saying the (over) reaction is right, just pointing out one of the causes.

Answer 4

Maybe they were annoyed at the fact that there was so much focus on race. I know if I were somewhere around a majority of my husband's family (who is Vietnamese and German) and they started joking about their race, I'd be a little annoyed. Also, to a lot of white people it is hypocritical to refer to a person or yourself as N-word, yet get irate if someone who isn't black says it. I agree. I'm in an interracial relationship, like I said, and my family get togethers with my side of the family never stoops to the racial shimmy. We have more important things to talk about, I guess. My husband feels totally comfortable around us. I'm sure if my family was going around dropping the N-bomb or making constant references to their race, my husband might feel uncomfortable. It's not white guilt. It's just kind of crass. But everyone's families are different. That's just like a couple straight people being in a room full of gays and the gays are just going over the top about their gayness. It's kind of overdoing it. Almost like singling out someone who's different. Just my opinion.

Answer 5

Stop with the racial jokes. It's offensive to some. If it offended, then apologies should have been made and the jokes should have stopped. Just because they're white doesn't mean they can't get offended or they don't have feelings. Everyone should be respectful of other people and stop the racially themed jokes. Good luck. 2D

Answer 6

I agree. SOME white people do try too hard to prove that they aren't racist so they'll pretend to be over-offended by things like "whats up my ni66a" and "we're too dark to be photographed at night" just so people don't have a reason to assume that they are racist. It's overcompensation.

I'm black and I'm married to a white man. I get along fine with his family and he gets along fine with mine. No one walks on eggshells for anyone else. I guess I just got lucky.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

I'm not sure what to call it, or if it even needs to be called anything. personally, i don't tend to butt into the cultural habits of other people (like if a Hispanic person called another Hispanic person a "racial slur", i wouldn't be like, "no, don't say that to each other! that's mean")

i feel like when friends talk, if they say things to each other and they are not offended, it's not my business to set any records straight...

but some people are just like that...

Answer 8

That isn't white guilt. That's just really stupid.

Answer 9

Haha. White people are hilarious.

Answer 10

I find it ridiculous that people give words so much power.