When we find out that someone is cheating and lying to us, why do we want that person to be the one who comforts us? When we see them for who they truly are, why do we long to be with them?
2007-11-05 02:54:53 · 13 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe because our heart longs for what we love, and no matter how this person feels about you the pain you feel as well as the love you feel for them are the only thing thats real in you. You have to remember that pain and decide where to go from there
2007-11-05 03:03:30 · answer #1 · answered by sarah W 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
There are two reasons why (one) would want to be consoled by the person that has wronged us.
One reason (would be) .... that the person has admitted their
wrong. The person is SINCERELY sorry for what they have
done. (NOT JUST SORRY FOR GETTING CAUGHT!) AND
(very important) ... Enough time has elapsed (such that) you
can DOCUMENT by actions and deeds .... that the offender
has truly changed ... A that point ... you MAY "now" want to
reflex back on the past pain .... and allow the offender to
console.
The second reason .... would be that YOU are just in denial
about the offender's character. YES .... you "may" see them for who they truly are (because they have been "busted") But
EVEN with THAT ... You STILL do NOT want to accept the
fact that (this person) is selfish and deceitful. Even, though
you KNOW that they continue to LIE ... right to YOUR face ...
You WANT to believe the LIES ... Because that is EASIER.
It is EASIER to believe the LIAR .... and just "take" whatever
they dish out ... THAN it is to STAND UP for YOURSELF.
And even though .... it will hurt to separate yourself from the
person ... In the LONG run you KNOW that it is BEST to
move on and find someone that demonstrates honesty,
character and integrity ... But (since) to do that ... it would
take a LOT of guts .... YOU just CREATE your own fantasy
land .... And you "choose" to live there...... And the (thing)
about it is ... This fantasy land saga .... can go on and on and
on! (You never have to wake up .... unless YOU choose to!)
2007-11-05 03:18:49 · answer #2 · answered by kjh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when abandoned and left behind by someone u loved, its hard to really see them for what they are. u have internalized it, and it has damaged your self esteem, making it hard for u to to move past it. loosing someone u love inflicts a special type of wound that damages your sense of security, undermining self worth. we often carry a torch for someone who doesn't deserve our love because when someone leaves they become very powerful in your emotional brain because of their ability to inflict so much pain. and at one time this was the person who loved and comforted u, and it is hard if not almost impossible to see them in the light they are in now. sometimes we expect them to come back, and be sorry and want to restore the relationship but as long as u expect anything u will stay in the pain. there is no other grief like this one, it is the worst, and if unresolved can interfere in any future relationship. join a self help recovery group, where there will be someone there who has been through this kind of pain your having now, and accept their help and guidance.
2007-11-05 04:37:46 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We stupid.
Well, it's really a matter of love. The person you love is who you want to be there for you and make you feel better when you need. If that so happens to be the same person who hurts you, it does make things difficult; but does not seem to change. After all, when that person hurts you; you don't automaticly stop loving them- you can't just simply choose.
2007-11-05 04:08:49 · answer #4 · answered by Bearess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't but most people do because that was the person who hurt you, so people feel that the person who hurt them is the only one who can make it better. If I said something nasty to you, your friends saying I was a jerk wouldn't help, but me saying I didn't mean it would mean alot more.
2007-11-05 03:08:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it has a little to do with denial that the relationship is over. You want so much to believe that this terrible thing isn't happening to you, and you need reassurance that the person who did this to you didn't do it because of you.
2007-11-05 03:01:49 · answer #6 · answered by Shubunkin 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Our love for them keeps us from hating them (initially anyway). We desire to have that person we love back, we need to know they are sorry and want us still - rejection hurts.
2007-11-05 03:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
i think we just want to keep hanging on to the lie we've been living,,like lots of times,,we build up people in our minds into what they're really not,,lies like well he's my soul-mate,,no one understands me like him,,when he's really not cuz he was caught cheating,,i guess,,when someone shows us who they really are,,we should just accept it and move on,,it's really hard though,,cuz,,the image u've created for that person,,as far as their importance goes in ur life,,is hard to let go of,,when u've come to like depend on that person,,it just takes time,,and being brave enough to accept the truth,,
2007-11-05 03:04:32 · answer #8 · answered by lady 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
my ex boyfriend lied to me for about 7 months before i caught him. i didn't want comfort or consolation from him, but i DID want him to leave me alone and get lost.
2007-11-05 02:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I have no idea why you feel this way...I would walk -- nope make that run just as fast as I could
2007-11-05 03:24:59 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋