My husband and I are currently in counseling for marital problems. I want to call it quits, my husband wants to work it out. I've been trying to 'work it out' for years and we're not getting anywhere. He has a 17 year old son from a previous marriage who lives with us about 1/2 at our house, 1/2 at his mother's. Why are they, my husband and the counselor, forcing me to endure them longer than I already have? any ideas?
2007-11-05 02:33:10 · 17 answers · asked by Amy V 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
More info: I've been in counseling to address 'my problems', as my husband puts since before we were married 8 years ago. Only within the last 6 months has he realized that I actually will leave him. He has improved in the areas we needed him to work on, but only since he realized I was serious.
2007-11-05 02:42:15 · update #1
Marriage counseling is a rip off if both parties are not willing to work on the marriage but the marriage counselor will drag things out for as long as they can it's all about the money..
2007-11-05 02:41:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't think the question is really why your husband wants to work things out with you, but you don't want to work things out with him. He's willing now, even if it seemed your own efforts were in vain in the past. At least if you try now, with an open mind, you'll never have to wonder later on if you should've tried just one more time. This is your "one more time." If you're 100% sure that you don't want to pursue reconciliation no matter what, then don't drag it out any longer. Be honest during the next session.
2007-11-05 10:38:28 · answer #2 · answered by ♛Qu€€n♛J€§§¡¢a♛™ 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would think marital counseling is only going to work if two people are willing to work on it and want it. It sounds like you have already checked out. You allow them to force you. You really don't have to do anything you don't want to. At this point it sounds like you are wasting your time. Just make the break.
2007-11-05 10:38:58 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No one can force you to do anything you truly don't want to do.
Sounds to me like he would do better with out you. He is willing to try to save the marriage and you are cold and could care less.
You should move on and find someone who will care for you like you care for your husband and you should receive the same treatment you are giving.
Your husband needs to see the light and see that he can marry a Unibomber and be better off than spending another minute with you.
Bad luck to you in the future.
One last question for you?
Did your parents have any children that lived?
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THINGS WHEN THEY ARE READY AND THEN WHEN REALITY STES IN AND THE OTHER PARTY MAKES AN ATTEMPT, YOU SMASH HIM WITH A PIE.
2007-11-05 10:43:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Since you say you want call it quits stop going to counseling. Your wasting their times and yours. Be truthful with your husband tell him you no longer care for him and that you have no desire to make it work.
2007-11-05 10:50:34 · answer #5 · answered by Memory 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
How does he "force" you to do this? If you're an adult, and you can support yourself, you can file for divorce and leave. By staying in counseling, you are accepting his offer to work it out. Maybe the situation is different or more complex than what you tell us here, but so far, I don't see how he's forcing you to stay.
2007-11-05 10:38:54 · answer #6 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You were working it out for years, and he wasn't. Now he wants to, and you don't. That's your problem. Try to work it out together...and both be willing to do it. You may be pleasantly surprised at what will happen if you are BOTH willingly working it out. If it's not cheating or abuse problems, you both need to grow up and work out problems like adults anyway. That's the problem with the divorce rate...oh he won't help around the house, I'm sick of this...or I just don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. That stuff always happens, and can always be worked out.
Anyway...try working it out together, and if it still doesn't work go ahead and quit. You're still married, so you owe it to him to try if he wants to.
2007-11-05 10:46:43 · answer #7 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
It sounds like what he is doing for himself (husband) not the both of you. The counsellor is making money. So if I were you I would look out for your self an if the marriage canonot be saved then call it quits.
2007-11-05 10:40:39 · answer #8 · answered by uncle_buck71 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
So just leave then,, why are you still there???
Maybe it's cause you really do love him, it's just that you are bored out of your mind?
Do you two have other freinds you can double date with? Can you plan Friday nights out to dinner.. or to a movie....
or Go to Las Vegas for a nice weekend...????
You both need to get off your a s s e s and squezze the juice out of life!!!
It's all in your head... you will be amazed at how positivity is contagious....
2007-11-05 10:39:27 · answer #9 · answered by Latin G 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
The fact of the matter is that counseling doesn't work unless both partners want it to. You don't, so it won't. Tell him that and then get busy splitting up.
2007-11-05 10:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by †®€Åç∫€ 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋