I have been living with a man but he doesnt want to marry?

Question

I have been with this man for 5 years...we have a 3 year old son and have lived together since he was born. I have not gotten a ring and he does not want to discuss marriage. Our son keeps asking him why dont you marry my mommy.....even though I have no idea where he got this from maybe school? His parents have been married for 35 years so he does not come from broken home. He does not know a reason why....I know it is morally wrong...but am I wrong for wanting to keep the family together and I dont want my child to have to split holidays...we get along fine...but morally it bothers me that we are not married.....please help what do I do again he is a great man treats me well everything is great other than the marriage deal.....I am a christian but unfortunately feel guilty for the situation I am in but feel even more guilty for splitting up the home

Answer 1

Have you tried talking to him about it and his feelings on the subject? Perhaps every birthday you could bring up that you would like him to make an honest women of you? I understand about the Christian element about this but try not to feeel too guilty about it as it is done now . tell him how you would not be looking for another relationship and that you are happy in this one but you want more from him even though you already have it in his heart you want it on paper and in the eyes of God and others. you want to be feeling respectable. Try to be light in your approach and a bit playful with it. I pray that it works for you x

Answer 2

This is not a choice for people on Yahoo answers to make. Only you can make the choice. You must dig deep into your heart and decide what's right for you. Your decision must also include now a child out of wedlock which you have with this man. You have made the mistake of having the child out of wedlock, so either at the time you had no morals concerning this issue, or your christian values were merely something you say you have, but really don't. You can not force this man into marriage and if you do coerce him into a marriage he doesn't want, life will probably turn for the worse. If you leave him, yes he will be responsible for child support, but then the child does not have a family together. Your choice is to stay in the relationship as it is and quit pretending it now bothers you religiously and morally. The other choice, leave him and get a lawyer for the child support.

Answer 3

Ah, yes, kids pick up on things real quick! And its just so amazing that 3 year old knows that marriage is the right thing to do, but a grown man doesnt? No ring, no date, no honey! Simple as that! Come on, its been 3 years and this man has,nt made a honest woman out of you yet! Chances are high that he wont, he is dancing around the issue and making up excusses because he knows in his heart that he will never marry you! I to am a Christian woman, and Im gonna tell you something that you wont like but its the truth, and sometimes it takes the truth to make us see whats really going on. He is treating you like a un-paid whore! Bottom line, he is getting all the reaping all the benifets of a marriage without paying for the price of addmission! What will you do if he passes away? You will get Zip! Zero! Nothing! Not only that but what kinda role model is he being for your 3 year old son? He is showing him that its ok to shack up with the mother of your child, he is showing him its ok to not man-up to your responsibilitys. This whole thing is a mess, you are nothing more then his girl friend and this needs to stop!

Answer 4

You should tell your child that mommy and daddy are married, love each other very much, and you're a family. 3 years olds don't come up with these questions: find out who is talking about you and your relationship behind your back, and abusively is using your child to convey his or her own questions about your private life, and stop him or her !!: none of her business.
Show your partner your question here, or write him an email telling him how you feel about not being married to him - officially-.
Don't ruin your relationship because you don't have a marriage certificate, you have a great man as a partner, a dad for your child, a loving family. Why to feel guilty ? guilty of what? of not being married yet ?. C'mon !, how many people are married and have hellish relationships ?. Why do you feel worthless than other women who have wedding rings in their fingers?. Don't let a marriage certificate be the measure of your happiness, worth, don't let other people's opinions ruin the great relationship with a man who loves you and the child. Stop the person who's using your child to question you, make your partner aware of your feelings, but be no pushy... and stop thinking you're a "sinner", lol, the
"inmoral" woman in church, lol, what you're is a great lady worrying too much. Many married women would be jealous of your family. You're already in a committed relationship, you have a family with your man. He eventually will propose you, I promise you, but please, don't play other people's "moral" dramas at home, they are jealous of your happiness, I assure you, this is 21 century, heeeeeello, set boundaries, lady,don't let other people stick their noses into your privacy, be firm, enjoy your all your blessings.
Good luck !

Answer 5

They're a strange species aren't they? I was in a similar situation though without children so understand it is harder for you, but the truth is i had to ask myself if i was happy to be with this man for the rest of my life when he wasn't willing to commit to me and the answer was no. At first i felt i'd thrown away a five year relationship for nothing but now i'm just glad i didn't let it get to 10 years and still be in the same place. My partner too was from a great family and i couldn't understand his objection to marriage. He couldn't come up with a good reason just that he didn't think it was important. But the way i see it is that if they're not fussed for marriage but know how much it means to you they would be happy to go ahead for your happiness unless there was some other reason they dont want to commit that they're not sharing.

Answer 6

Here is my poem again:

First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Mary with the baby carriage

But of course you did not follow that and now you are regreting your decision of living with this guy for five years, having a baby out of wedlock and he is content with the way it is...Why buy the cow, when milk is so cheap?" It should bother you morally, because your child should have the right to have parents that are married. If you are a Christian, then you should decide what you will do. I would discuss with your boyfriend and tell him that you want to get married..to make it right. That his child should have married parents. If he balks, and doesn't want to discuss, I would really consider walking out on him. This could push him in the right direction. If you don't do it, he will be complacent and never marry you. If you have parents, discuss with them that you want to come home for a while. If this man loves you he will take the step. To me he sounds like a selfish prig...Don't worry about splitting your home, because you are not married, so it is like a sham..Make the decision, stand up and be counted, pack your bag, and walk out and don't look back till he comes to his senses. That is my advice.

Answer 7

You can not force anyone to get married. If this man truly loved you he would do the right thing and marry you. The man your with probably does not care how you feel about all this. He might be thinking that this way he has not the responsibilities of a husband. If you are presently attending a church try talking to the clergy and tell him how you feel and if possible arrange a counselling session for both of you with the clergy.

Answer 8

If he treats you and your son good and you are overall happy, why do you need a piece of paper claiming that you are married. Although I understand where you are coming from, I think the fact that you have a good man who takes care of his family and he comes home every night is great.
Since it really bothers you, you should definitely talk to him.
Just remember "marriage" is not always what its cracked up to be...just enjoy life and be happy with someone who you love and loves you back.

Answer 9

well, basically, think of it this way, do you want your son to think living together is ok? very hard to teach kids right and wrong if you are not living right, either =(... even though you may think you will be splitting up the home, really, but, in the eyes of the Bible, you "technically" are married... back in those days, you were considered married if you slept w/ someone! but, in the eyes of the law now, you are not married to someone if you sleep with them, so, basically, you need to separate until this man marries you... I know, you don't want to do that, but, to me, that's the only way your son has a chance of learning right and wrong... good luck!

Answer 10

Sit down with him and have a talk. Find out why he does not want to get married..if he doesnt want to talk, then i would consider leaving him if he doesnt want to give you a full commitment. The same situation happened to me..I had a child with my boyfriend, we bought a house together, and were engaged to be married..everytime we would try to plan our wedding, he would start an argument, or do anything to not talk about it..turns out he was cheating on me the whole time we were engaged..He wanted the "home" atmosphere but wanted to screw other girls too..maybe that is the same situation you are in? its like that saying "why buy the cow when the milk is free"..he could be half way committed to you, and still "single"..keep your eyes open! Find out why he doesnt want to marry you, and if he refuses to talk, move on!