We have been married a year and a half and have 2 kids and now Im 4 months pregnant with baby number 3... we planned this one lol. BUt yet he never seems to give me attention. He has always been like this but now its just getting worse. He wants to be with the computer. Honestly he woke up early to get him self off this morning.... and I went to bed 2 hours early last night and yet nothing. He has done this before but now he is doing this again. What should I do? Is this normal? I think he might be cheating all of a sudden he won't let me look at his cell phone but when ever I do look at it. It hass phone numbers I've never seen before. Is my marriage already ending?
2007-11-05 00:38:47 · 27 answers · asked by crazy_cat_lady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I ahve tried countless times to talk to him but everytime I do he just wants to watch tv and gets very annoyed with me. So I honestly don't talk to him like we use to. We have been together for 7 years now. I don't want to think about him cheating I don't see him being that type of guy but at the same time it happened to my sister and she thought the same thing.
2007-11-05 00:51:33 · update #1
I don't know if it is affairs and/or pornography, maybe he is bored. Maybe it is the first two but what if you should just spice it up a tiny bit. Call him with silly little happy things, non stressful like you did in the beginning. Remember when you met and fell in love and try to find some of those moments again. Life without excitement sucks, give him some excitement so that he doesn't have to find it and screw everything up. If he already has then you have different choices but one of them can be, become the person he wants to have an affair with. Guys need to be in love mentally as much as women so give him someone to be in love with again. We get tired after awhile, raising kids is hard, I know. I have two teens and a 14 month old and at the end of the day I am tired but not of my husband and I have to remember that. I also have to not blame him for it either. We decided on the baby and we chose to work our marriage like it is, not him, me and him. When we met, we both were fun and exciting and flirtatious and when either or both of us forget that about ourselves and start getting too serious our relationship gets into jeopardy fast. That may be shallow but it is true. We have to keep the attraction going for each other because that is what got us together. We were fun and not serious. Get fun and not serious and help him get that way too.
Or I am completely off base and it is something else but I think it could be boredom.
2007-11-05 01:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did it ever occur that he does not like you pregnant?
You have spent most of your relationship with child.
Maybe you should step back, stop being so vulnerable, have the baby and get on some birth control.
Don't you think that three kids in how many years is a bit of a drain on a guy? No wonder he is distant.
You think he may be cheating, again , pregnancy breeds infidelity. Pregnant sex never bothered me but for many guys it is no fun. You said he was like this before, when?
Answer that and you may have your answer.
As for a counseling, I'd bet you don't have those kind of available funds. Sit down and talk. Get to the root cause.
You are really in no position to make any major relationship
changes right now. Pregnancy makes you vulnerable and a bit needy. Get to the root cause and fix it.
2007-11-05 01:17:21 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say, I know when my wife got pregnant I did “that” allot. But we also had sex allot too. I think I was “getting off” four or five times in a day. And I wasn’t cheating. My wife knew I was doing this, but she was tired and she had enough with being pregnant without a husband pawing at her too.
From what you are saying, there may be more to it then just “getting off” I wouldn’t say the both of you need to talk to a councilor and see if you can get to the problem. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions until you actually know more of what is happening to him. There is something going on that he’s not saying, or you wouldn’t be felling the way you do. You’ve been together for 7 yrs, you know his habits. Go with your gut and find out what is happening with him.
2007-11-05 01:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by kib_edward 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine WHY he wouldn't let you look at his cell phone. Maybe you should try calling some of those unfamiliar #'s back and see who they belong to. It sounds very possible he is cheating. Getting Married may have made him feel "trapped" (remember Men are from Mars!! lol ! ) You said you both planned this pregnancy, so it makes no sense for him to suddenly start cheating. Unless, you being preg. and at home w/ the other 2 kids was all part of some sicko "plan" of his?! If he won't talk to you, chances are he won't go to any counselor either. Just try talking to him again, and again, and ASK him what in the world is going on w/ him. You may just have to send him packin' after the baby arrives !! (or Before, if things get too stressful !!) Good Luck !!!!!
2007-11-05 01:01:59 · answer #4 · answered by casper 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It is possible that due to the constancy of your pregnancies he is having trouble with defining the Mommie/woman concepts (some refer to it as the Madonna/whore complex). This is where the man has a certain view of Mother=respect but not sexual, woman=sex but not respect.
It could also be that while he loves you and his family, he is not sexually stimulated by some of the aspects of pregnancy, which has nothing to do with you as a woman so much as his inner (not conscious but sub-conscious) conceptualizations of sexuality.
Now as such he might be exploring some cyber/online gratification, even to the point of phone sex. If that is the case do not view it as cheating but as a way that he is trying to deal with his conflicting feelings.
It is time for you to sit down with him and talk about what is happening in an open, honest, non-judgemental, non-defensive way and see if you can find a resolution to the problems. I would suggest that in order to do this you get a babysitter and go somewhere that will allow uninterupted discussion. This is not something that you can discuss between bottles, diapering, and colic!
Try to keep a good perspective, and try not to jump to conclusions. Keep an open mind and an open heart and I bet things will work out.
2007-11-05 00:55:47 · answer #5 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hes being secretive... leaving earlier to go to work staying later.... lack of attention.... Lack of communication althought these are signs of cheating doesnt mean he is>>>> After 2 kids and one on the way its very hard to find time for yourselves take time out to see if the flame is still burning on both sides cause if its not you need to really consider getting this flame back.... Every person goes through a phase that routine is just not what they want out of life do things differently dont let everything be on a schedule especially sex... It will drive your man away completely
2007-11-05 00:58:38 · answer #6 · answered by Holly S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From experience in marriages I think he is involved in pornography. Now there are different levels of activity but from what you say he is already in the fantasy stage which could lead to actual relationships or more intense fantasies.
The problem with this type of entertainment is it very addicting. At first it could be just an R rated moving but it quickly gets worse because there is no true satisfaction. Every encounter just leaves the person wanting more. If he is not including you now in this part of his life he is already feeling ashamed and you will never live up to anyone's imagination.
The solution is to communicate to him your heart. You will have to get the "cards on the table" in order to make progress. Tell him how you feel and do your best to help him through loving him. This addiction makes people feel very lonely.
I hope everything ends up well for you, your husband and your kids.
2007-11-05 00:51:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Ok, you have to take the next step, if he is hiding stuff from you and not sharing what he is doing with you and not communicating with you and not following his vows, then I think the next step would be to try to talk to him about this, and if he gets all defensive, then I would leave.
Stress is not good for you and your unborn baby, and your other children, children are the innocent ones in this matter, so please do not let them live like this, they know what is going on, they are suffering so are you, and so is your unborn child, leave him, just put one foot in front of the other, and start walking!!!
If you knew what kind of a man he was in the first place, with your other two children, why have another child with this same man??
Why bring another child into this mess????
2007-11-05 00:58:00 · answer #8 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't say your marriage is ending but it sounds like you do need to talk to your husband and ask why the loss of interest and hiding his cell phone. People with nothing to hide don't do that. You haven't been married long and have 2 kids and another on the way...that is a lot of change for a short period of time and could be he is feeling overwhelmed and maybe missing his single life. That is a normal feeling but he should be talking to you about this and not ignorning you.
2007-11-05 00:43:03 · answer #9 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You need to have a word with him about this because it isn’t fair on you considering that you are pregnant and if you start stressing and worrying about this isn’t good for either you or the baby. Sit him down and discuss it with him and see if things improve. Hopefully they will. If they don’t and I only advise you do this as a last resort but if you can get hold of his mobile write down a few of the numbers and try ringing them and see who answers. You never know it could all be perfectly innocent but if you feel that this is the best way to put your mind at ease then do it. The only thing is you have to be prepared just in case you do find out something you really don’t want to know or hear.
However I would really advise that you talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling, as you never know maybe he has things on his mind and if you talk to him about it and it could help clear up quite a few of the problems that you both feel you are having.
2007-11-05 00:56:45 · answer #10 · answered by Baps . 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋