I have written a short story. Please judge it?

Question

I had earlier something else. Some people said it's full of philosophies. I have changed it. Please read this one and judge it
http://nishantagrawal.bravehost.com/Blog/1.htm

Answer 1

Your manuscript needs much more editing to polish it. Consider buying the writer's handbook, "The Elements of Style," written by Strunk and White. It is an invaluable aid for beginner and accomplished writer.

Your use of tags, quotation marks and commas, and repeated question marks or exclamation points mark you as an amateur writer. (Avoid using adverbs in dialogue tags.)

Go back through your story and eliminate all unnecessary words and phrases. Be brutal with yourself. "Cut and Trim" is a phrase all writers must accept and utilize.

Answer 2

i like it. it's still a bit rough though