I am very much in love but he is married and 22 years older than me?

Question

I need to break away from him,, he says if his wife chose to divorce then he would but he wouldn't be the one who said he wanted a divorce even though he says he is miserable and they do not even sleep in the same room,, I told him I wouldn't want to be with him that way,, if he loves me the way he says he does then he should be the one who initiates the divorce,,,I feel that if she divorced him he would only be coming to me because she did not want him,,,, I never in a million years thought I would ever be in this situation and when we met i was just curious to see what it would be like to sleep with someone older than me,,now every time I think about him not being in my life i just cry but I know deep inside that i cannot go on like this,, i am also a single mother and cannot afford to take time off from work,, I am trying to figure out a way of weaning myself away so its easier on my heart,, if anyone has any suggestions please help me

Answer 1

He does not love you or his wife. He does not respect women or he would not be cheating on his wife. Maybe he is miserable and maybe not, but he is not honest with you or his wife. Therefore, you have no idea what the truth is.

Get away from him and find a man who is not married and respects you.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 2

Sweetie he is using you. If he was truly unhappy he would leave her especially if he really wanted you. Also, please try to remember that you are hearing ONE side of the story. How do you know that they are really sleeping in separate rooms? You don't know. How do you know that he isn't in love with her yet they are going through a dry spell? That happens during marriage. He knows that she isn't going to ask for a divorce and that is why he put the responsibility on her. You are young and he is taking advantage of you. I think you should look for another job. Trust me, this can only end it two ways. His wife finds out about you and leaves him- which he will kick you to the curb and try to make things right with her or as he and her reconcile, he is going to kick you to the curb. You will be hurt no matter what honey. If I were you, I'd rather break it off now and began the healing process. When he rejects you and picks his family over you, you will only have a much deeper hurt sweetie. Its time for you to make an adult decision. You can stay and wait for him to destroy you or you can walk away give yourself sometime to heal and move forward. Oh and by the way, don't mess with married men because if the woman they married can't trust them, then how can you?

Answer 3

You really need to let this go. It is not good for you. I will tell you this, this man is not the one for you and the way that you know that is because none of the circumstances are right. When you find the person that is right for you, they will not be married and cheating. Instead they will be available for romance with you.
These are lies that he's telling you about him and his wife not sleeping in the same bed, etc. He tells you these things to make it seem like you are his focus but you are not. He tells you what he wants you to hear. Chances are that, at home, everything with he and his wife are fine.
You need to quit him cold turkey; that's the best way to do it and when he comes into your mind, you need to switch and think about something else. Because after all, he is someone else's husband. Do you really want someone else's stuff?

The reason I know these things is because I was dating a man and I found out he was married. I went through the same things you are going through--crying, thinking about him and being sad, etc.

I have never been happier without him in my life. He was literally a waste of my time.

Answer 4

I would suggest you end this, it is not good for your child to see you be so emotional, children are not stupid, they can sense all the stress you are going through, and I am sure this "older man" would not want to be a father to your son, he is just in it for the sex, and that is what he is using you for.

I know it is a hard pill to swallow, the truth, but that is what it is, you were curious, you found out and now you are in way over your head.

Honey, he will never get a divorce, he just wants to be a man "using" you because a lot of older men are going through a middle aged crises, like him, and he wants a younger woman like you to fulfill those needs, that is just it and only it, he is using you for sex and only sex, he does not want to support you or your son, he is a slime ball, and he does not care!!!!

End it now, do not give your poor child the sense that he will have someone to call "daddy", children always suffer, the parents say poor me, but it is the children who are being silent in this matter, honey drop him, be a parent, and give your self some counseling, and your son, you both are suffering, drop this old man, and learn to lean on yourself and be your own friend, and be the parent that your son needs you to be so desperately.

Answer 5

Weaning is not going to work. You must make a clean break from him. That means absolutely no contact whatsoever; no emails, text messaging, phone calls or seeing him. As long as you have contact with him, you will be tempted to continue with the relationship. You will need the time to cry and heal but you will know in your heart that this is best for your own health and well-being. Look, he is already a confirmed liar, deceiver and adulterer; are these really the qualities you wish in somone that you love? He is using all the excuses and reasons that men have used for hundreds of years to keep you hanging on and in his life.

As long as you have your heart attached to him, you will not be free to meet that one special person who can give his entire self to you; not just bits and pieces. Think of the future heartache you will feel if you continue on with this man. Your heart will have to be broken sometime; now is much better than in the future. If he really loved you, he would initiate the leaving of his wife; the truth is he does not wish to do so and he will tell you anything to keep you in his life.

I was heartbroken and devistated; I know how it feels and you do have the strength to go to work while healing your heart. It is even better to work as you will keep yourself busy and not have so much time to dwell on your broken heart. In 6 months or a year from now you will look back and realize that dropping this man was the best move you made for yourself and your child. By that time, you will probably have met someone who is much better for you. Do the things you love to do right now; forget about relationships and concentrate on you and your child and your future. Good luck!

Answer 6

try getting into the dating scene!!!! PUT A STOP TO THIS AFFAIR YOU DESERVE MORE!!!! You see what happens whn you play with Fire you get burned!!!! Dont call dont think about him dont initate correspondence whatsoever infact play the field like you said you have a beautiful child!!!! You need to take care of you!!!! You knew when getting into it what it was it will never be more than what it is!!!! Aint it messed up the ones that open doors and pay for dinner and romance you are the one that are already married!!!! Take it from me keep swithcing through the cards to find the wild card in the deck!!!! When you find him you will know until get yourself a vibrator and be celebate..... KEEP yourself busy so you dont think anout this guy!!!! He has no intention of leaving his wife no matter what feeling s he has for you get out now while you still are able to think straight you need someone to hold you care for you protect you from harm older men know what to say and what to do (BE A GENTELMAN) which makes a younger more vulnerable you know your age group you like keep on searching if it was meant to be with old dude he'll realize whats been missing and hell find you until then mama FORGET HIM YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN HUGS AND GREAT SEX!!!! If a man truly appreciates you he will stop at nothing until you are happy!!! Good luck and i hope you find true love!!!

Answer 7

Forgive yourself for making such a selfish decision to sleep with him in the first place - that was a very unwise thing to do, and now you know it. Now you have learned this, it is TIME to forgive AND forget thinking it could ever be "right".

EVEN if he were to leave his wife and come running to you, he would ALWAYS regret the decision and hold resentment towards YOU for forcing him to do it. The "relationship" would ALWAYS be tense and it would not work for long. You have a child to set examples for - are you doing that NOW? No - you are teaching the child ALL the wrong things about marriage, commitment, men, women, and making smart choices.

We ALL make mistakes - that is one of the ways we LEARN and GROW - - that is OK - - the idea is to see what happened and know never to do this to yourself again. Give yourself TIME - you will get over it. Do things with your kids, read good books, take a trip if you can, join a singles group, go to museums, parks, and shows on the weekends - just do whatever you can to avoid sitting and feeling sorry for yourself. FOCUS on a better happier FUTURE and work towards THAT - in time, it will all come to pass.

Answer 8

Sorry, I had to laugh at "they do not sleep in the same room". Do you believe that? I bet his wife would like to know that! That's the oldest one in the book--"we don't sleep together anymore"! LOL

I'm sorry, but he has no intention of divorce and neither of them have discussed it. Why would you need to take time off work? Just stop talking to him, block his email address and don't answer the phone when he calls. Easier said than done, I know, but that's the only way to do it.

Answer 9

heres some suggestions .

A. He's a cheating lying pr*ck and he will cheat on you if he ever leaves his poor wife , which 90% of the time they dont.

B. A few little fact's about love I am sure your very young mind is unaware of , read carefully and take heed for it is truth not fiction little one.

The start of a new relationship has the lust lasting usually about 9 to 15 month's if there arent to many stress issues like money , kid's , ex partners so on and so forth.

By the 2nd year your still lusting , but you have more admiration and pride in your chosen partner.

When you reach the 3 year mark , your lust is fading into comfortability , you respect your spouse more and the honour and pride of knowing they are yours needs to be shown more in public then before .Your devotion to your spouse has set in about this time.
By the 4th year it's love and I mean true blown full love.A lot of people confuse lust with love and thats what they base their feelings and emotions on.

Love is about committment , trust , honesty , loyalty , devotion , admiration , the ability to be true to the spouse chosen without 2nd guessing or wondering what if.Love is about the comfortability and acceptance of life as it bring's you peace and happiness and harmony , it's about not feeling the need to get fine jewelry , cars , boats , houses , or going out for romantic dinner's that cost more then the couch you sit on at home to eat pizza.
Love is about accepting one's flaws and mistake's and being able to forgive .Love is about alot of thing's , but only love grown from true faith in the belief of love can bring everything I have listed.

Unfortunetly in today's society couple's never reach this level of love because they dont make it past the 2nd year mark.Your not in love your in lust and desire .

Answer 10

First of all you accepted that you wanted to taste sex with a matured man and you had that. My suggestion is that now you just forget him like a bad dream. You only said that you never thought of such situation would be in front of you. So, the way you started your affair, the same way you must have to forget. If you are addicted of his love, then you keep yourself ready to face lot many things in future. I must warn you that his wife will just make your life hell because she will blame you for making her life erratic. The man is getting good sex with you and that's why he may be telling you own made stories so that you remain attached to him. You can also verify with some other technique whether his wife is really that type which he narrated to you.

Answer 11

Well your BIGGEST problem is you wanted to see what it would be like to sleep with an older man. So this is YOUR fault for the situation your in.

SECONDLY, he doesnt want to leave his wife he is comfortable where he is at. If he wanted you he would have been divorced his wife, but he hasnt so what does that tell you??? He is not leaving that woman for you.


THIRDLY, you know you need to end things with this MARRIED man. The easiest thing for your heart would be to leave him immediately you yourself said you cant go on like you are right now. SO END THINGS. It will hurt leaving him but life goes on and you will get over him eventually. Focus your energy on your children.