Need some advice on PARENTING.?

Question

Okay, here's the low down. As everyone knows, when you have a baby, you get in a rut (sometimes) financially and/or emotionally. My daughter is 1 year old now, I am in a continuos battle with her mom (she is continuously saying we have no money) I bought my daughter a 500.00 crib (the one that turns into a bed after time, and per "mom's" wants) any ways, I can count the times my daughter has slept in the crib with both hands. Her mom lets her sleep on the floor with her, and now a year later (its 12:27am) and the baby is still up, I tried putting her in the crib again and AGAIN (tough love) to get her on a sleeping schedule, but mom and I keeps arguing because I want her in the crib, and she wants to sleep with the baby on the floor, which at times she (our daughter) stays up late and then wakes up late. My question is, does that make me a bad father because I want her in the crib to learn a sleeping schedule, and also feel like I wasted 500.00 on a crib we're not using?

Answer 1

I would go with the flow. Your daughter hasn't done anything wrong so she shouldn't be punished or forced to do something her mother is telling her not to. Just communicate with both of them and let them know how you feel and be part of the whole scene entirely. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think your right about wanting her to sleep in the crib because the floor isn't a good place for the baby to be. She needs the support of the crib mattress for her little spine. Later in life she could have back problems from it. And spending that money was for the purpose of giving the baby a place to sleep. You should get her on a regular sleeping schedule asap because she will be hard to get on a schedule later. Then you will always have the problem of when she become more of a toddler that she will always want to sleep with mommy and there will be no privacy for you and your wife as a married couple......Good luck

Answer 3

Sounds like you are being a good father. Your daughter needs to start sleeping in her own bed. It's not good for her to be sleeping with mom all the time. Mom needs to realize it's time for baby to go to her own bed. And now especially since she's getting to the age of walking around, she might get up at night while mom is sleeping. It's very important and she's in her crib where she can't roam off by herself. You need to have a serious talk with mom. You spent all that money on a crib, you might as well use it! And you need to talk with mom soon cause it's only going to get harder to get baby into the crib the older she gets and the more attached mom gets. Plus baby needs to get to bed earlier. She really needs to be on a schedule. It's not going to be an easy talk because moms don't want to hear about anything they are doing wrong. Good luck!

Answer 4

It doesn't make you a bad father, it says you and your wife had bad communication skills. These times are never going to come around again, let ur wife sleep with her. Money doesnt have anything to do with this... u sound too preoccupied on the more petty side (the crib) rather than focusing on your relationship with your wife and daughter.

If its a convertible crib you know its made for toddlers as well. You still have YEARS of use ahead of you.

Sleeping routines are needed for both parents and child. Find a more constructive and/or creative way around this :-) This isn't about enforcing your authority, it's about how you all can work and coexist with eachother in a happy medium and routine (eventually). Every family is different, there are no set rules- just what fits your family.

Answer 5

You and your daughters mother need to have a serious talk about the sleeping situation during the day when it wont interrupt the babys sleep. the baby definitely needs to be on some sort of a schedule, and shouldn't really be sleeping on the floor. but as a mother i can understand why she wants the baby next to her at all times. it is important that you two are able to be on the same page for the baby and yoru relationships sake. you should talk to her about your feelings on the subject, and try and work out some sort of agreement. it will be hard for her to put the baby in the crib at first, but it will be better for all of you in the long run. i coslept with my son until he was three, and now at almost 5 he cries hysterically at bed time because he wants to sleep with me. if she is so hell bent on sleeping with the baby sell the crib and buy a bed for them so they aren't on the floor.

Answer 6

I can't say much that 'Kaala' didn't already say. Sell the fool crib. I thought we needed one before our daughter was born; it's still unassembled.

Would you care so much if the crib had been free or cheap?

A 'sleeping schedule' is not critical as some here have claimed. Co-sleeping has a tonne of benefits for parent and child. 'Tough love' has no place in baby care.

Why not get down on the floor with them for a night?

Answer 7

you could always sell the crib, "barely used..."
Co-sleeping is instinctual, you cant blame the mom for wanting to. It helps bub get through the night, helps everyone get more sleep. YOU like sleeping with company dont you? Why deny that to the child? It's human nature. The child is only asking for what comes instinctually.

Not trying to be offensive, just interested in the real reason you are upset, be honest with yourself. Are you reacting this way because you are horny, and miss the company yourself? Are you jealous of the bub, thinking bub comes first? Sorry, like I said, your answer makes no diff to me, only to yourself, and I dont know you, or how old you are, so dont get offended.
I co-sleep with my babies, and they are ready to move into their own bed, or a bed with their sister by 2 years old.

But just because you teach them now, through tough love, to sleep by themselves in a crib doesnt mean they will still want to do that when they are 3, or 4, or 5. That's parenthood, time to get used to it. ;)
have fun, best wishes.


ps, according to a big website I visited, co-sleeping may even help reduce the risk of sids, so if she was co-sleeping up until now, then you cant be mad at her; for all you know she might have saved the life of the child.

Answer 8

At that age she should go to sleep earlier than midnight. I don't agree with people who put their babies to bed at 6 pm, if they don't have to get up very early in the morning but maybe 9pm is a good time. If baby goes to bed at 6 she will get up very early.
But midnight is not a good time for such a small child.
You could start to get your child used to the crib slowly. the crib can be next to mommy's matress (I asume she is not sleeping on the bare ground) with one side open. The crib matress if it is a convertible crib usually is also almost on floor level, so the baby would still be next to mom but in her own bed. Once she gets used to her bed you can see whether to transfere her to her own room
But she definately should go to bed earlier she needs her sleep.

Answer 9

sleeping routines are always a good thing. It may be hard for everyone at first (mom missing the baby, the baby crying, etc) but after a few days it should work out

Answer 10

No, you're not a bad father. She needs a definate schedule, and this need enforced. My daughter grew an attachment to her mother, but after this spell was broken, she is now daddy's little girl. STICK TO YOUR GUNS !!!