HELP!! Im sick of trying to Be Perfect!!?

Question

Ok well i basically look like a Blond California Baywatch girl. And i am a major people pleaser. But the thing is,if i have to go to school wearing a sweatshirt,and i have my hair up,im scared everyone will think im ugly. I freak out if i think i dont look good,and i feel like i have to please everyone. If anyone calls me ugly it ruins the rest of my month. Im so insecure,even though im also conceited. what are some ways i can help with my people-pleaser life??

Answer 1

Here's something to keep in mind:

No one thinks about you as much as you think they do.
No one notices you as much as you think they do.
No one remembers things about you like you think they do.

At least, in the sense that you're worried about. If someone makes a comment - big deal. Write them off and don't give it another thought. For someone to call you ugly basically means that they have nothing better going for them mentally than the speck of joy the get from making someone else feel as insecure as they are.

Yes, you are insecure, and I'm sure a bit conceited. If you're the type that feels they have to please everyone, I'm sure you're also a bit two-faced when it comes to quarrelling friends and keeping secrets, gossiping. While these are all typical childish traits, I will warn you that they are not going to do you any good.

Girls like you made fun of me in elementary, junior high and high school...made me feel lonely and alienated because I'm a brunette, have always been chunky/curvy, and enjoy not only my solitude, but things that many of you consider "weird": I race dirtbikes and quads, enjoy reading, make dreamcatchers, know how to use a skillsaw, etc. I was teased and excluded by girls all of the time...

...but you know what? I ALWAYS had a good boyfriend. Not to say that I had many - I had quality, not quantity. The guys that were into BarbieDoll girls were the type that I wasn't interested in, anyway...I've had a few bfs that were mistakes, but most were good people that I have friendships with to this day! I WASN'T so plastic and superficial that I was afraid to get dirty - I WASN'T so caught up in my looks that I forgot to develop a personality. I'm not the most attractive girl around, but I have a BIG sense of humor and (more importantly) I know who I am. People don't have to like that.

From what I've witnessed, the girls that are obsessive about their looks and/or pleasing other people are the ones that get used and abused, kicked to the curb when something of substance becomes available. Even if your intentions are good in wanting to make everyone happy, you'll most likely end up knocked up and single if you don't learn to have a little backbone!

I'm not telling you this to make you feel like a bad person - you're obviously young and still learning. Kudos to you for thinking outside of your comfort zone and learning to try new things! It may not be easy, but it makes you a well-rounded person and also shows you who your true friends are.

If you're having a hard time breaking out of this persona, try small things first. Do everything you normally do, except don't fiddle with your hair. Brush it, keep it loose and casual, and go with it. STICK TO IT! People may comment, and you may get some weird looks...I'm not telling you to make it purposely bad, but...as if you were home alone and threw your hair up to do the dishes or something. And it'll do you well to remember the people who laugh or make comments - they probably aren't people that you need to know.

Stand up for what you believe in. If someone asks if you like something, and there is a difference between your answer and the popular answer, express it! Be an individual! If the world were full of people just like me, it would be horrid. The same goes for you. The neatest thing about the human race is the fact that we are all made of the same bones and tissues, but the BRAINS we have are capable of producing so many varied personalities!

Embrace who you are, babe. It may not be easy at first, but trust me - you NEED to be yourself. If you LIKE the way it feels to "dress up" and maintain a look, that's absolutely fine - but don't feel like you have to do it for other people!

Just be you. To hell with the rest, seriously. YOU are the one that looks yourself in the eye every morning in the mirror - you are the one that will look back in 40 years and either cry for what you wasted on others or smile for knowing that you were real.

Best of luck to you! Pop culture stifles individuality - it's not worth it. I'm only 21, and I'm glad that I learned that lesson young. Don't worry about fitting in - everyone has a place. You'll do fine...just one step at a time. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you through this.

Answer 2

Reach around to the middle of your back.

Feel those bumps?

That is your spine. Use it.

Treat your beauty the way an athlete treats their body. This is your tool. Care for it, respect it. But don't imagine you will win every game. Don't take advice from people you don't respect. And don't use raw talent, or looks, as an excuse to avoid developing your intellect.

The smart are sometimes stupid, the graceful sometimes clumsy. Go to school ugly once in a while, it's good for the soul.

Beauty really is like intellect or athletics, the fixation on perfection is usually an impediment to improvement.

Don't complain about being cute, NOBODY feels sorry for you. Everybody in High School is insecure, so just take a deep breath an try an figure out what you want from life. Copy the people you like and respect.

Finally, if beauty is your gift, study it's totality. Have you ever seen someone who was quite physically quite plain and yet somehow they seemed beautiful? Learn that trick, and many good things will follow.

Have fun, don't take yourself too seriously.

Answer 3

Maddy, You must be quite young, Enjoy That !!.. What you look like on the outside, and what people say about you becomes irrelevant when you stop trying to please others. Start by pulling yourself AWAY from the mirror, and take a long hard look at what will last much longer than your looks, and that is the true beauty that is below the surface... Kindness, Compassion, Honesty, Heart, Soul and Love. It really is not a difficult thing to do, and the rewards are beyond anything that money can buy. Sincerely

Answer 4

Have you ever thought people would call you ugly because they are jelous???

No offence, but you do sound like one of the populars. Which is fine, everyone is different.

If you want to wear a sweatshirt, wear a sweatshirt. People pleasers arn't people pleasers simply because they are good dressers. It's the personality that matters, so remember that.

Answer 5

i'm no longer doing this for the factors; so i visit assert it SUCK IT UP! Why do you roll over and watch for dying. Act, God rattling IT! look for perfection even whilst he odds are against you, try for advantageous and land at great! Be the grasp of your guy or woman destiny. yet with asserting that save one ingredient in suggestions; do no longer propel ( because of the fact propelling is to have the means set and making use of it properly ) yet excel ( do nicely on account which you be attentive to the floor realities and be attentive to what your obstacles are; accommodate for this reason)

Answer 6

Well its good that you recognise that your so conceited.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but Im only trying to help.
You need to get over yourself and stop caring about what other people think of you.
People should judge you on your personality, not your looks.
The only person you should want to please is yourself, your not here to please everybody else.
Start feeling good about yourself.

Hope I helped...

Answer 7

Who the hell cares what people think of them? Oh wait, the 'cool' people. Screw them, live your own life.

Answer 8

go to a web site with teens that have disfigured faces and be grateful for what you have .......

Answer 9

GO READ SOME BOOKS ON PHILOSOPHY FOR A MONTH

Answer 10

you do know that alot of guys think its sexy on a girl when she is more natural.