My husband has been having an affair for the past 2 1/2 years. He has said she is a mistake and has gone back and forth between wanting to be with her or me. They have lived together for the past year.
We have been having sex for the past month and he said he wanted to come home again. Long story short, I went to his apartment and he had not yet begun packing. She was there crying and the 3 of us ended up packing up his stuff.
He could not tell her how he feels. He tells me he loves me, but couldn't tell her why he wanted to come home. He always said "I'm going home. I can't live this way any more". He did say that he doesn't have feelings for anyone right now. But he says he will not contact her again, that he can't.
His name is on the lease and he offered to let her take over the lease. He even offered to pay 1/2 the rent for the next 2 months.
Is it really over for them this time? I think she will try to contact him.
2007-11-04 16:42:28 · 34 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is crazy, there is no way you should take him back. You are his WIFE and he disrespected that. If you take him back, you will always mistrust, always wonder where he is, what he's doing, who he is thinking about. Plus, if you take him back that puts you in "doormat" mode and there is no reason for it to be really over. If you've forgiven him once, you will do it again and again and again and he will know that. It will be a vicious circle that never ends. You deserve better!!! Don't think that you should tell yourself that and it will be easy, it's going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. But in the end, isnt it better to get the hurt over with than drag it on for years?
2007-11-06 02:27:35 · answer #1 · answered by . 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know someone in this exact situation.
You seem like an open-minded person. My guess is that it is not over between them and you have 2 choices:
1) Don't take him back
2) Let him move home one last time but realize that there may be a third person in your marriage for a least a few months until he can get this person out of his system.
Also, you should consider getting a boyfriend on the side. It might actually make your decision clearer.
Additionally, have you considered living together but having an open marriage? His first priority is to you and vice versa but you each have a close, discreet friend on the side.
Since his name is on the lease I think it is appropriate that he help pay 1/2 the rent for the next few months.
Good luck to you.
2007-11-04 17:29:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows when love and lust meet at the intersection. He's YOUR husband. You want him back home and he's ready to come home. Fight for your man. Forget about what she will try to do and focus on doing what you need to do (together) to make your marriage work. This is probably a stretch, but try forgiving him and letting him know that you trust him. Check out Tyler Perry's movie "Why Did I get Married Anyway". I bet he realizes he didn't want to give up his 80% for 20%. Just make sure his name is OFF the lease. Do a little research on "letting go"...this could be part of your challenge. I'm sure this won't be easy. But it sounds like an opportunity to discover another obstacle that you two can overcome together. Good Luck.
2007-11-04 17:06:57 · answer #3 · answered by 4Seasons 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so, so sorry you are in such a confusing situation. It is easy for me to say " what are you torturing yourself for? He is a looser, jerk, blah, blah...." but I wont because you sound like you really want to believe him and that you have love for him.... I understand that. The thing I will say is that you really need to think of yourself first. You are in a very unhealthy relationship that has gotten to the point of how could you ever really really feel safe with him? How could you trust him? How could you believe the words that come out of his mouth without a doubt? I don't think that I could do that... even like 10-15 years down the line and that is a horrible way to live. My advise to you is to really take a look at YOU and what YOU want, what kind of person do YOU deserve. Get some professional counseling or talk to someone who will give you unbiased advice.... If it were me, I say life is too short for such non-sense, he sounds selfish, thoughtless, and immature.. Please see that you deserve better and there is a nice person out there who would love the chance to show you the love and respect you deserve... Good Luck.
2007-11-04 16:57:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like he's been leaving your cheese out in the wind for the last 2 1/2 years...
I'm reminded of what to look for in a resume -- what a prospective employee has done in the past is the best predictor of what type of employee they'll be in the future.
I wouldn't let him yo-yo my life and emotions around forever... give him as many chances as you feel are necessary, but you might be happier and healthier if you were to end this relationship and forge a new beginning.
Best wishes.
2007-11-04 16:54:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No Its Not. He Will Tell You Anything You Want To Hear Jus So U Wont Be On His Case. Once A Cheater Always A Cheater And U Would Look Stupid If You Continued To Stay With Him. He Thinks He Can Have His Cake And Eat It Too. We Give Our All To Men And Wat Do They Do For Us In Return? CHEAT! And It Aint About Her Tryna Contact Him..He Might Try To Contact Her...So Watch Out For That
2007-11-04 16:54:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to come back to you because of the stability of having a "normal family life" I mean you were married so you must have been together for a while. They will contact each other I would definetly say to not take him back because in the end your only gonna get hurt again.
2007-11-04 16:55:36 · answer #7 · answered by ~Ava~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you feel about polyamory, polygamy, or a triad relationship? Are you bi-sexual? He could be considered faithful and "home" again if he could bring his girlfriend with him. OTHER THAN THAT, it would surprise me if he was home for good. He will always have a thing for her. How can he not after living with her for a year? If the three of you could pack his things and not fight or kill each other, you knew where he was and didn't file for divorce, everyone knows everyone, why not let him bring her home with him? I have heard of stranger relationships.
2007-11-04 16:53:56 · answer #8 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that she will contact him and his heart will waver again. One mistake will always lead to another. It only depends on how long the mistakes are a part . If I were you I would find it hard to let go because I might still love him. It isn't because 'I' love him that 'I' let him go but it's because 'I'm' freeing myself from him to get a better life ahead of 'me'. Anyways good luck in your decision. All that we give you are just opinions it decides on you to break away from this issue.
2007-11-04 16:52:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a man, i guess is definitely over for this lady. She must have made one silly mistake that made your husband pixx off completely.. That's why he decided to leave her by her own.
Also, they may still be in contact, one a while or once in a blue.. for a one night stand, maybe!
But if you can always service him all the time, i bet you, he'll never have the time or strength for one night stand.
I have colleague friend, she told me that very two or three night, she will definitely s e x with her husband, or at least blow him ***..
Trust me, it works, and it works for me too...
2007-11-04 17:45:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋