My friend and her husband have been having some rough times, just had a second baby, and are horrible communicators with one another. Lately the following has happened and I keep thinking he's cheating - am I onto something or do you think I've seen too many Lifetime movies?
1) He goes to work early and comes home late
2) He acts like he is in his early 20's as opposed to his real age - late 30's - by partying a lot, hanging out with friends a lot, etc.
3) He's been helping a "friend" at work who is going through a divorce and is a single mom - giving her furniture and rides home from work . He only shared this with my friend after she found a tube of mascara in his backseat.
4) He didn't take her to an end of the season baseball party because he said she was a "buzz kill" and would hound him to go home if it got too late to relieve the sitter, etc.
5) He always makes her feel like she is in the wrong if she questions anything.
So, am I reading into it?
2007-11-04 14:33:41 · 19 answers · asked by mama love 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, I have NO intention of stating my opinion either way to my friend. I know better than to say anything because whether I am right or wrong - it will cause a strain on our friendship. I just wanted to see if what I was hearing from her and interpreting to myself is what other people would perceive.
2007-11-04 14:57:07 · update #1
Definitely cheating, at least emotionally.
2007-11-04 14:39:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes,
it doesn't look good. I am sorry to say. The husband seems to have a boundary problem. He should not put himself in the position of being the "surrogate husband "for a divorcee. She is relying on him way too much. At the expense of possibly breaking up someone else's marriage. That is more than inappropriate.
Worse yet, his secretive attitude and defensiveness makes him even more highly suspect. If he was innocent he would have no problem with full disclosure. If I was his wife I would probably hire a detective at this point. If he had nothing to hide then he wouldn't be so secretive. He should be attentive to his own wife. That's where his duty lies. He needs to get his priorities in order. His partying a lot and hanging out with friends is juvenile and sounds like a guy that doesn't want to be married. It sounds like he is a single man with the benefits of marriage. His wife should give him a wake up call and to make his own marriage a priority or their will be consequences. If he still insists on dismissing and disregarding the vows to honor and cherish his own wife, then she should kick him to the curb.
2007-11-04 23:28:31 · answer #2 · answered by haditforgood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nah - You have hit the nail on the head - He is cheating with the poor single mum and the single mum is out to definitely get him and sounds like something's been going on in the back seat too. Now the fact that he goes to work at all is a good thing isn't it?? He sounds quite immature and maybe feels a little trapped in his marriage. Pity the "girlfriend" is willing to carry on with a man she knows to be married with a young family - same thing might happen to her in the future. It isn't fair is it?? Maybe your friend should launch into an affair of her own and then see how he likes it.
2007-11-04 22:46:00 · answer #3 · answered by veraswanee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may very well be onto something however I feel as if you are butting into someone elses business when you need to be minding your own. Don't mean that mean just stating my opinion. Even if he is cheating and you find out what are you going to do tell your friend? And risk losing a friend. If he is not and you make accusations you are making making yourself look like a busy body. I would just be there for my friend and support her. If she suspects that her husband is cheating she will find out on her own.
2007-11-04 22:47:11 · answer #4 · answered by rene1695 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I think your reading into it in the right way. Have you informed your friend about how you feel? If not, give her the heads up. If she sees this behavior as normal, she's blind. it may be normal for him, but not healthy for her. He is most likely screwing around on her, but you can't really prove that. What you can prove is that he treats her like crap. And with having 2 children, they do not need to grow up with their parents in an unhealthy marriage, it is wrong and immoral for them to witness these things. The reason why he makes her feel like she is the one in the wrong, is because he knows he is, and is trying to pin it on her, just to make her feel bad and take the spotlight off of him. He is a loser and is in no way deserving of any woman. He needs to gain some respect. And your friend really needs to rethink her priorities, and decide whats good for her kids and herself.
2007-11-04 22:46:01 · answer #5 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I got to say is one thing: Why is this *****'s mascara in his backseat? The phrase I have always used to explain this situation is crude but totally true: "The shoulder to cry on becomes the d!ck to sit on." If she needs someone to cry to, find a guy without a wife. I'd NEVER allow that. I think he could be cheating, yeah.
2007-11-04 22:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get into it. This is something youre friend and her husband need to discuss either alone or with a therapist. Trust me just mind your own business and don't stress about it at the end the only one that will be losing patience is you.
2007-11-04 22:37:58 · answer #7 · answered by Mari 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you have reason to think something is going on. If everything was on the up'n'up with his gal pal, why would he hide it from his wife. Most men would ask their wives to be a friend to her, not hide it.
2007-11-04 22:40:29 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off no disrespect but (M Y O B)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is her relationship and not yours.....
All you are there to do is be supportive and be a friend!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes we as woman can indulge to much in a friends relationship...................
There's nothing that you can do to enlighten her situation!!!!!!
If she likes it, you are to love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be a friend and don't, I repeat don't cause problems in her marriage digging to much into it!!!!!!!!!! Because trust me you will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She knows what type of relationship she is in, it sound like to me he's very immature and shouldn't be married!!!!!!!!
He may not be cheating but he seems from what you wrote very immature and not ready for marriage but guess what there's nothing she can do but accept it or make change for herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But as for you!!!!!!!!!!! Stay out of it and just be a listener...............................
2007-11-04 22:43:07 · answer #9 · answered by rita_hiemy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Glowfish is wrong. Some men do cheat when they claim to love their wives. I would say that he is cheating.
2007-11-05 00:43:59 · answer #10 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋