Life sucks...I don't know anymore!!!!?

Question

Here's the story in short-version. I had a crappy childhood: molested by my biological dad. I allowed my past to dictate my life until now: have absolutely no friends (real or acquaintances to hang out) because I have trust issues. I want friends but can't seem to make any because I'm a full time nursing student and part-time worker. I never have time for myself because I'm sacrificing for my education. My family is having a party right now in the house: full of co-workers, relatives, close family and friends...while I'm stuck in my ******* room writing a 20-30 page dissertation on a sick patient which is something I do every Sunday: its mandatory. I turn 24 this month and I don't want to quit on life but I feel as though I've had the short end of the stick all throughout my ******* life! I can't take it anymore and I want it to change. And...I know ya de ya de ya, I am the person that needs to make the change. Yes I know what I need to do to see change but sometimes...

...in life I've learned that you can't change circumstances you can only change your attitude. I want things in my life!!!!! I want to be a normal girl: have friends, have a boyfriend, get married, have kids, experience life!!!! I felt like a victim all my ******* life...which was not my fault in the beginning because I was so young when I was molested...but now if I don't do anything about it yea its my fault. The thing is...I keep pushing myself come on you can do it...but I get weary at times and don't know if I have the energy to finish this race :(...my b-day is coming up and I have no one to spend it with. I'm so through with my life...sometimes I feel like killing myself

Answer 1

hi i just read your question. I was never molested by anyone as a child but I also have trust issues. im 32 years old and i had to leave my state all because I lived a wild and insane life, and if i didnt leave i would probably be dead now. i did go visit about a month ago but all my good and bad experiences over whelmed me so i ventured out to the state i live in now. my point is- we both are in the same boat. I have lots of people around me but i am so alone. I'm far from perfect but im looking for perfection in someone else. I wish i could take your lonliness away, i dont know you but i can really relate to you. I really wish you the best. good luck sweetheart. mark.

Answer 2

I get it. I'm 38 and have been there, done that. Crappy childhood and put myself through school.

Now, approaching middle age I can firmly and proudly say that finishing my education was the best thing I could have done for myself. There IS a payoff for all the hard work. The payoff is a bright future and knowledge that you overcame the obstacles put in front of you.

There will always be challenges, but I guarantee you that life is much better with an education than without.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep taking it one day at a time. Sometimes the individual days suck. Sometimes you get tired and frustrated. And someday you will reap the rewards of your hard work.

Answer 3

Woman, you are doing it. You are making your dreams come true and you are doing a good job of it. Don't get discouraged now. You have come so far and have beat so many odds. The tape is just ahead. Take it slow and don't rush it. Savor the success you have had so far and know that a more fulfilling life is yet to come. I'm not going to tell you that you're the only one who can make it come true because you are really already doing it. I wish I knew you, because you are a person someone would be proud to know. Good luck and try to spend some time with yourself doing something you like on your birthday!

Answer 4

you are a nursing student? that's great! some cannot say that. some did not make it through high school. I would say try Jesus, forgiving and forgetting is the only way and just move on and things will get better it is bad what happened to you so you need to forget about it. once you are done with nursing school you will make Friends. remember getting an education requires some sacrifice.

Answer 5

Ah Las! First, you need to know that God loves you more than you can fathom! There's someone who knows EXACTLY what you're going through. His name is Jesus! He knows because He made you! Without getting all religious on ya', I'll tell you how to meet Him. He wants your happiness, but you need to be willing to do things His way from now on... If you're ready to give Him your life, He'll give you His life in return.

All you need do is ask Him. He'll give you the Holy Spirit to comfort and to guide you in your new life. Then, get a bible and read it. A good place to start is the book of John, chapter 3. Let the Holy Spirit guide you from there...

I'll be praying for you!

Answer 6

As weird as it sounds you need to forgive your Dad. Alone in your house with nobody else around just say out loud, "I forgive you Dad, for molesting me. I hurt every day because of it but now I am forgiving you and leaving that part of my life behind!"

This will begin to release you from the bondage of that bad experience. If you are a Christian then read the Bible (the Psalms are especially good for difficult times) and pray -- talk to God and tell him even more than you have told this forum. Follow his leading because he will lead you out of this darkness. If you aren't a Christian ask God (even if you don't believe in him) to lead you to a Christian who can be a friend.

May God bless you. Don't give up on life or on yourself!

Answer 7

I'm saddened to hear about your dark past. =( Although I may not understand, I really do feel bad whenever I hear other's sorrow... I remember you telling me not to let my past dictate the present and now I know why. Yes education is whats getting in my way to fully live my life of fun sometimes as well. You are working hard for your future, you sacrifice a lot because you care. A selfish child would ignore their educational values for their own happiness. I'm not telling you to ignore everything and only focus on school. If your taking too many units then you gotta tone it down, its better to finish college late with better grades and have more time in your hands. Please don't hurt yourself, I dunno how to help but I think you really gotta try to gain more time of fun. I know it is pressuring to still be living with your mom but don't worry about it, just take as long as you can. I really want to give you the best advice I can but I dunno how to... Try to have fun sometimes. If I'm ever on aim you can talk to me if you need company, I remember giving you my sn. Please take care.

Maybe this will all have a good outcome when your finally finished. I know its hard to wait and endure but its something all of us have to face sometime in our life.

Answer 8

Relax and finish up the dissertation. Then set your sites on finishing up school -- at which point everything will become better and easier.

Answer 9

simply pray.