Well I don't think its that great but anyways, Im thirteen. And I wrote this cause I was bored, so don't worry I wont grow up and kill everyone...Or will i? [shifty eyes] mwahaha...Ok sorry...Heres the poem.
As I walk down the street, my eyes no one will meet
Is it humorous that I'm alone? Will I ever feel complete?
I walk in the rain because no one can see that I'm crying
I walk in the rain because no one can see that I'm dying
They're glares pierce my skull
To everyone I'm null
No one really cares
That I'm dripping with despair
I walk in the rain because no one can see that I'm crying
I walk in the rain because no one can see that I'm dying
Why am I so diverse
Do they hear my curse
They wont be laughing when I kill
My promise I will fulfill
I walk in the rain because no one can see that I'm crying
I walk in the rain because no one can see that I'm dying
Thanks for reading! Any suggestions will be appreciated and if u don't like it please tell me why... :)
2007-11-04 11:41:36 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
This isn't a poem, it's a song, and a good one! By all means put it to music and send it to a rock group. You could make some money from it.
2007-11-04 11:53:11 · answer #1 · answered by beingagood1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-05 10:25:45 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's pretty good for a 13-yo. Only mistake I noticed was that 'they're' should be 'their'. As you write more, you will get better, but I think you're off to a good start.
One bit of advice I'd give is for you to write more descriptive lines about WHY you feel the way you feel. The words you are using here are a bit trite; try not to focus on making the rhymes work, and spend more time expressing what you're thinking/feeling with better vocabulary.
That will come to you in time & I think you've got some good talent. The best art does come from pain, but... it feels good to write about happy things too & you should give that a shot as well.
2007-11-04 11:54:50 · answer #3 · answered by pr0ph3t1cl1v1ty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... intense...
I am 13 too.
I like your poem. Its deep and it has a neat rhythm. I love poetry and everything about written word. I suggest Poe to most people. Avoid Dickinson and Frost. They were dipwads... Look at my poem please too!
2007-11-04 11:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by ~Smurfette~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave out the part about killing in the 3rd stanza, but other than that great poem i love it and its rhyme sceme keep it up
2007-11-04 11:45:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it.
You make me feel like I'm thirteen again.
2007-11-04 11:51:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it!
it was wonderful.
you were born to write.
can you answer my question please.
it is titled 'should i tell him'
thanks
keep writing
~totaly in love~
2007-11-04 11:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i liked it kinda
2007-11-04 11:50:17 · answer #8 · answered by misthang1997 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, reminds me of wut my friend schania writes about an i luv it!
2007-11-04 11:57:09 · answer #9 · answered by Leigh(: 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋