Divorce is genetic...............?

Question

This might sound weird, but I was reading this thing about quite often divorce can run in families.

I guess because a personality trait that is destructive to a relationship can be passed down.

My mum gets angry really easily, she has been divorced. I am the same I get angry really easy too and I could imagine too much of that would push someone away.

I'm of course not saying I will definitely have a divorce, because i can change the way i react to things.

Back to the point...... have you dealt with any thing along these lines!? Of divorce being genetic.

What do you think of it.

(of course i don't believe divorce as such is genetic, just behaviour that could ruin a relationship is genetic)

p.s i'm not saying all marriages (relationships) will be the same as your parents....because as some of you said, most people learn from others mistakes.

Answer 1

I think behaviours are both genetically inherited and environmentally inherited... it is nature and nurture. As to divorce, behaviours that can cause divorce are likely only taught. If you have a certain personality, for whatever reason, you just have to a) be smart enough to change for your own good health and b) find someone with whom you are compatible.

If you're angry all the time, it isn't healthy physically and socially it's not likely to attract a lot of potential mates. You should try to understand and change your behaviour.
Regardless, if you run a little hot tempered after all your work to better yourself, you wouldn't want a mate who couldn't put up with that type of personality. You'd likely want someone who can understand it and deal with any potential problems it causes them.

As to the learned behaviour that leads to divorce I'd say that comes down to whether or not the parents took their marriage seriously. Did they try to work things out, see marriage counsellors, change their own habits and ways before going to separation and/or divorce. If not, then the child when becoming adult can still choose a different course, so long as they recognize their parent's marriage failings and strengths.

This probably seems like BS, but coming from a family where my parents are still together after 53 years and yet having been in a failed marriage myself, I'd say we make our own messes.

Peace

Answer 2

It's probably not genetic. Though there is no proof some destructive personality characteristics couldn't be genetic. On the other hand psychological damage can get passed along - just like the plague! Examples: damage from alcoholism and narcissism. It's very difficult to know how to be a good husband, wife, father or mother if you do not have good examples around you to show you the way. Difficult, but not impossible. If you feel you need help with anger issues, you can go into therapy, learn to meditate and study Zen Buddhism a bit. They talk a lot about not holding on to anger. (I should take my own advice.)
Anecdotal evidence and superstition are meaningless and counterproductive. Personal example: I was worried, because I come from a line of only children that go back for several generations with 4 "Josephines" before me. Needless to say, that is not my name, and I had a son (not named Joseph). He was also an only child, and he has a daughter (not named Josephine). I think I may have broken the pattern, though it's too soon to see. Having only child daughters named Josephine is not a genetic trait.

Answer 3

I just think that some people shouldn't be allowed to get married. Some couples don't get along when they're engaged, let alone married. Marriage won't solve the bickering and bitterness. You have to be able to look at the person and think "can I really be with this person forever?" For some women marriage is the wedding. People have a big wedding but a dismal marriage. I don't advise anyone to get married. It's a trap. Stay single. Whether divorce is genetic or not is yet to be seen, I just think some people are meant to be alone. And if they need intimacy that badly, get a f-buddy.

Answer 4

don't listen to that nonsense. i grew up with everyone and also the media saying that kids of divorced parents grow up to make the same mistakes. not true. learn from your parent's problems of whatever their reasons for divorce were -- bad communication, commitment problems -- learn from it and you'll have great relationships in the future.

Answer 5

I think it is because children tend to be like their parents. How when you grow up you suddenly go "oh my gosh I am just like my mom/dad."
If you saw divorce modeled for you then you are more likely to get divorced.

Answer 6

I don't think so, maybe it's the influence of the past divorces.
We always have the will not to have or have divorce

Answer 7

I don't think it is genetic. If one has a temper, one can go to "Anger Management classes." or get counseling, rather than call it quits..

Answer 8

all of my grandparents are divorced but my parents have been married for 30 years. its all about how your kids are raised not genes.

Answer 9

I ain't a for-real cowboy, by I sure am a hell of a stud.

Answer 10

I don't think that's true.