Hi I have written a short story entitled The Candle Bride for an English assignment. Part of the project involves getting feedback from it's intended audience.
So if anyone would like to spare a few minutes to have a look at my story and give me your opinion as a reader of horror and suspense literature I would be very grateful.
I'm not asking for technical criticism so much as your opinion as a fan of the genre. Thanks in advance for your help guys.
2007-11-04 11:14:09 · 6 answers · asked by Stupot 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Here's the link:
http://www.freewebs.com/thetoxicsock/story1.htm
2007-11-04 11:15:15 · update #1
Here's the url:
http://www.fr**webs.com/thetoxicsock/story1.htm
You'll have to change the ** to ee so it says 'freewebs' becasue Yahoo doesn't seem to like it... thanks.
2007-11-04 11:17:21 · update #2
I read it... All the way through.
I found it choppy and hard to follow. The sentence structure, being so fragmented, made for hard reading.
The imagery is too third person. This should be written from inside Davids head but we stand as an outsider watching what is happening around us.
If I were you, I would read it out loud and try to correct some of the sentence structure and missing words that make it hard to read.
Although tragic, I don't think David would have that much to be concerned with if "Dad" beat his daughter to death because she was cheated at the alter. There is nothing for her to forgive David over, it is her father with whom she has a problem. So in that vein, I found the premise missing a root substance that moved me. At the end, I cared not for David and his circumstance, but wondered what would drive a Dad to kill a daughter because some guy left her at the alter.
Just my thoughts.
g-day!
2007-11-04 13:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by Kekionga 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unpredictable
2016-04-02 05:01:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's now 2.25 am so I'm off to bed soon, but I'll certainly take a look in the morning. Good luck with your assignment, I'll add my opinion when I've read the story.
2007-11-05 13:21:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
horror/suspense is a favorite of mine.i love the story. only problem is it wasn't longer. good work.
2007-11-04 11:32:50 · answer #4 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love to but freewebs isn't working either
2007-11-04 11:28:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
gr8
2007-11-07 05:38:02 · answer #6 · answered by UIna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋